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Tribal Life
Posted: 20 Feb 2006 04:31 PM |
Caddo awoke from the warmth of the sleeping pile of his family group. He slept in a heap along with two other males and four women, and nearly a dozen young ones. A tiny child barely two years of age was sprawled over Caddo’s belly. She was growing quickly these days and her little body was so hot it was stuck to his skin with perspiration. He did not know if it was his child, or the others’. Caddo had sooty skin but both of his wives had greenish-brown skin, one with spots running across her shoulders. The child had spots, but so did his kinsman who slumbered on the other side of the sleeping pile. It really did not matter. Caddo peeled her from his belly and eased her to the side with strong gentle hands.
He stood, enormous. Even though the fire had died down within the cavern that was home to his clan, his orcish eyes could see the sleeping piles of other family groups nearby. All was quiet. And yet, Caddo had been unable to sleep. There were too many thoughts in his head, too much competition of late with the feast that was coming. Caddo knew how to play tribal politics but they cost him his rest. Nude except for a roll of bark that contained his masculinity, he picked up his war-club, hefted it over his shoulder, and padded out of the cavern into the frigid night air of M’Gok Tukar.
He did not notice as he did so, that another watched him pass from amid the sleeping pile of another family from his clan.
Alone on the margin of the rocky flat, Caddo saw with pleasure that the guard was piling logs onto the huge central bonfire that always burned at M’Gok Tukar. As the fire blazed up bright, the blue tones of one spectrum gave way to warmer hues, golden flames and orange embers. And above… above was the shot that streaked brilliantly across the heavens, and the wife of that comet that swelled to its sight. The Blood Moon. To Caddo it was a symbol of fecundity. It had certainly inspired many new marriages between the clans. He himself had taken a new wife since the Blood Moon appeared in the sky. If asked Caddo would say that he had six wives. The fact was all but two had gone back to live with their families. Perhaps when the comet had passed Caddo’s new wife would return to her family and leave him again with just one. The half-orcs at M’Gok Tukar have strong family bonds, but marriage is easily dissolved and usually without bad feeling. The very concept of divorce is unnecessary.
Caddo enjoyed a long look at the Blood Moon. Dana’s father had said that when it was time for the feast, the old stories would be told. The old meaning, the true meaning of the Blood Moon would be spoken. Dana’s father was a shaman, who dwelled in the shamans’ cavern on the far side of M’Gok Tukar. He had taken the orphaned Dana into his care, and to curry favor with the powerful shaman, Caddo was kind to her. Only after did he realize how powerful a conjurer she herself was. Now Caddo peered across the rocky flat to catch a glimpse of the shaman cave, perhaps to see Dana coming or going. He could not see it clearly, and turned to ascend the rock behind him to get a better view.
Unperturbed by his nakedness, Caddo now caught the sound of a footstep following behind him. Using his war-club for leverage he hauled his bulk up to a level scarp. He squatted into a shadow cast from the bonfire by the edge of the scarp, and watched as another shadow emerged and approached him.
Caddo’s rival took up a heavy branch as he came, and sweeping his hand down the length of it he stripped off smaller branches in one pull. Caddo was at his feet as the other half-orc swung first, aiming for his head. Caddo’s war-club met the branch with a resounding crack that caused those sitting around the bonfire to swivel their heads at alert.
The branch had not broken. Now the rival swung it around in the opposite direction striking the outside of Caddo’s thigh. Ropy muscle absorbed the solid blow with a thud and Caddo, keeping his footing, returned a blow to the thigh-muscle of his grunting rival. The other half-orc shifted around several steps and brought the branch squarely into Caddo’s back.
Caddo was the heavier of the two and moved more slowly. Many blows he could shrug off, but this one hurt him. Grimacing he seized his rival by the shoulder with one arm and pulled him over, spilling him onto the ground. He aimed a blow at the other half-orc’s head but his rival rolled out of range and brought his feet back underneath him.
The two squared off. Caddo now recognized the other. Young, he thought. Let him do the jumping around.
His rival obliged springing forward, but the branch was held close without announcing a clear target. Caddo directed a crushing blow at his shoulder but the other half-orc ducked under it and shoved upwards inside of his guard. Caddo began to topple over backwards but he slipped the length of his club behind the other, younger half-orc’s neck as he did so, pulling him over as well. Now they wrestled on the ground cursing in the orcish tongue and throwing taunts at one another.
Caddo’s rival again sprung to his feet, body steaming in the cold night, and brought the branch down hard at his opponent’s head. It connected with Caddo’s ear, and for several heartbeats he could see nothing but red.
The brawl ended soon after. In quick succession Caddo had stood and swept his war-club into the trunk of his rival. It should have broken his ribs in, but the younger half-orc was strong…very strong. Still, he was stunned by the blow that drummed against him. Caddo swept the club into his head and then brought it down savagely into the meat of his arm, causing him to drop the branch that he held. Next he scooped an arm around the other’s waist, stepped around, and heaved him off the scarp to the rocky flat below.
The children were the first to wake at Caddo’s return. With the unconscious male over his shoulder Caddo leaned his war-club just inside of the cavern’s entrance, and slung his captive to the flowstone floor. As both families roused themselves he strode quickly to take up a copper-bladed axe from adjacent to his family’s area. A bronze weapon is cast, but copper is worked cold; the hatchet in Caddo’s hand had a small copper head like a splitter, thick at the back where it was fixed to the handle and tapering to a wedge-like blade. Caddo had gathered the copper, and he had tapped the blade into shape with a smooth round cobble, hafted it with hickory and sinew and good bone glue. He had used the thing to part out the carcasses of deer and bears and goblins, to feed his family. Now he turned on the male who had challenged him.
He took the drowsy beaten half-orc by his topknot and bellowed, “Who is held by Caddo’s hand? He is your husband,” he shouted pointing arm outstretched with the hatchet, “He is your father. You know me. I am Caddo! This one comes for me under the Blood Moon. Now I bring him back to you.”
Caddo raised the hatchet to the face of his opponent and began something like a chant:
You know me. I am Caddo!
Caddo is bigger. He does not take his head, so that you mourn him.
He does not take his eyes, and leave him in darkness.
He does not take his teeth, so that you chew his food for him.
He does not take his tongue, so that he is forever silent.
He does not take his hands, so that he cannot again take up the war-club against Caddo and his family.
He does not take his arms from his shoulders, so that he cannot work for you and feed you.
He does not take his heart, so that the blood stops running in his body.
He does not take his stomach, so that he does not eat any more.
He does not take his manhood, so that he cannot make his strong children.”
…the hatchet hovered now above the knees of his opponent. The beaten one’s fate was still not determined...
“He does not take his legs so that he crawls and eats chestnuts from the ground.
No! Caddo gives him back to you! The whole clan sees that I give you this gift.” And indeed, by now every occupant of that cavern had awoken and watched, most of them looking impassively upon the scene, but all of them looking to be sure. “For this gift, Caddo is owed a gift in return. That is all. There is no bad blood between us. You owe for as long as you like, but you will give what is owed.”
In this way Caddo climbed one step closer to the leadership of his clan. |
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about dying."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means lying in the ground with dirt on your face and holding your breath forever."
-Burt Reynolds, "The End" |
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Tribal Life
Posted: 30 Aug 2006 10:16 AM |
Caddo sat cross-legged before his family fire at M’Gok Tukar, war club laying in his lap. This club was not the vicious metal-studded one that he carried outside of the homeland, nor the one forged of black metal that he treasured so greatly. The club he now carried at M’Gok Tukar was long and flattened, like an oar of mahogany with a ridge up its spine and surfaces polished to glossy blackness. It was heavy but not crafted for battle. He held it when it was time for the family to make decisions, and when the men of the clan met to feast, exchange gifts and plan for the great feasts that were the meeting of big-men.
Caddo stirred the ashes of the morning fire with his calloused fingers, pushing coals together with light touches from his thick nails. The warmth felt good and he dusted the ash from his hands so that it would not turn white his clean black skin. He took a slow drink of chicory coffee from a clay bowl.
In the past Caddo had done what he could to curry favor with the shaman who was father to Dana. Dana was blessed by Gruin and her father’s favor made Caddo bigger. Ophelia too, he had spilled blood with in battle. Their blood had mixed, spilled by stingers in the desert, and giant-kin, and snow-orc, and worse. Together they had fought for the right to mine the black metal, fought the Chosen of Gruin and won. Ophelia was thus to be spoken of as having favor with the beast god. Now with the coming of Dana’s suitor – suitor, not husband – to M’Gok Tukar, all who left their families to follow the affairs of the tribe knew that Dana and Ophelia were to be killed in the elven lands and by elven hands.
Ophelia, Dana’s suitor had said, asked specifically for his words. Written words, to defend her from death. Caddo could not figure it, but Lucius had been earnest. More than earnest.
Lucius. Caddo had publicly supported his bid to have Dana for his wife. Lucius had been clumsy in asking and brought no gifts to her father, but he used the orcish words correctly. Caddo knew that Dana’s father wanted her to join with a human man, and that he had sent her to the places of men to find her husband among them. It was good that Lucius and Dana be together.
If Dana was killed by the elves, they would owe much in return to M’Gok Tukar to make it right. The bond to Karkus, the king among the mountain giants, would be severed and the political arrangement represented by that betrothal would blow away like smoke. And if she was not to marry Karkus, but Lucius as she desired, then the loss of Dana would also be the loss of Lucius for the tribe, as he would surely return to the lands of men and have no more care for the orclun.
These words, he decided, are what he would have written. At least if Dana and Ophelia were killed, the elves would make it right and compensate M’Gok Tukar for the loss of two of its most highly-valued daughters. |
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about dying."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means lying in the ground with dirt on your face and holding your breath forever."
-Burt Reynolds, "The End" |
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Re: Tribal Life
Posted: 24 Jun 2007 07:13 PM |
After months of deprivation, the flesh of the Duergar was sweet and savory.
The Duergar were parted and prepared in the great hearths of Chief Borogask's hall, where he had ruled until that very night and in spite of M'Gok Tukar's occupation. The celebration built outside and the liberating force was shown gratitude. Sweetest of all, the orphan and exile Ophelia was welcomed back to the tribe, in the same moment that the smallest orclun children poured out of the tin and copper mines where they had toiled. There were not reunions of parents and their young. All of the tribe embraced the young in common - just as they embraced one another - as though there were no clans and every orclun was kin to every other. As a bonfire was set outside to light the coming feast, the self-nominated cooks were gathering dry wood and debris to build a roasting flame in the hearths indoors.
Away from outsider's eyes, the orclun singed the hairy bodies in a flame to remove their beards. The entrails were set aside and the carcasses were butchered with hatchet blows. Shank, shoulder, chuck and round, the cooks brought enthusiasm to this difficult task. The best portions were laid onto hot coals and quick-roasted on spits, fat tenderloins turned twice and then served rare, tinged blue in the center like a cut of rich boar meat. These Duergar steaks were brought forth from the halls and the orclun feasted, while the liberators were left to intuit the source of their sumptuous though simple meal. The tribe would eat for a few days on what was left from that night.
Borogask's wives would wail and cry as his remains were given the same treatment. For now they were hung up inside his hall for display and ridicule.
There was little else to eat in the place. The orclun at M'Gok Tukar had been kept alive on a once-daily ration of oats coarse as sawdust, proportional to their size and age. This was supplemented by consuming tahn uut, "dirt food", the greatest shame of poverty among these orclun. Roots, bark, soft shoots, grubs and insects, and rotten fallen chestnuts gathered off the ground. This was pilfered from the land and consumed by the browsing slaves. The Duergar overseers punished pilferage from the fields with crippling lashes. They plundered the clans' living caves melting down all metals that they found. They confiscated property, broke apart family groups and worked the young and old to death.
There around the bonfire, at the feast scrimped together from scraps of Duergar and Borogask's ales, you would not detect any hint of grief. Freedom was too sweet.
* * * * *
The morning after Hootur-zuro, literally "Freedom-come" in the orcish tongue, the tone had changed. The big-men were reluctant to gather. Each was impoverished and the badges of their rank - wealth, wives, and children - were scattered. The resulting vacuum was unsettling. The political structure of M'Gok Tukar had been erased, leaving only the shaman circle for leadership.
Caddo sat by the side of the bonfire, which had now burned low and was ringed by ashes. He wore the same rags that every orclun wore. Around him others were fashioning weapons from the farming implements that the Duergar put into their hands. Caddo himself was drying a club cut from a sapling hawthorn by the heat of the fire. He gnawed a Duergar rib bone and cracked it in his strong hands to extract the nutritious marrow.
Once a big man of his clan, now there was no difference between him and any other orclun of M'Gok Tukar. The women of the tribe had formed a family group all to themselves, where they cared for the children who had survived the mines. For now it was a family without husbands.
The community had been shattered, and now it had to be reformed. A new chief would be selected from among the big men. But what did it mean now to be a big man, when M'Gok Tukar had nothing?
Freedom was sweet, and change would bring with it many challenges and opportunities. |
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about dying."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means lying in the ground with dirt on your face and holding your breath forever."
-Burt Reynolds, "The End" |
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Sex Talk with Caddo and Tic Tac
Posted: 12 Jul 2007 12:55 PM |
The Players
Ophelia ~ DSM-IV
Caddo the Big Man ~ Renter6
Tic Tac the Goblin ~ Himself
Just kidding... it was Mr. Sprinkles, of course!
The Scene
Caddo has followed Ophelia back to her room at the Guyver Shop in Port Royale so she can retrieve some things. While they are talking a goblin in a death's head mask reveals itself (in many senses of the word) within Ophelia's chambers.
* * * * *
Caddo the Big-Man: *toys with all the buckles and straps on a suit of Ophelia's plate armor*
Caddo the Big-Man: ...never find a wife wearing this stuff.
Tic Tac the Goblin: *hiding in the shadows* Him fat!
Caddo the Big-Man: *sniff sniff*
Ophelia: *smirks* Why not?
Tic Tac the Goblin: *still hiding in the shadows* Not like queen here!
Ophelia: *blinks* no he isn't Luna don't say that.
Caddo the Big-Man: Cannot get the armor off fast enough!
Tic Tac the Goblin: *disembodied voice* I say that!
Caddo the Big-Man: Who is Luna?
Tic Tac the Goblin: /dispel
Tic Tac the Goblin: *poke*
Caddo the Big-Man: Grrr...
Ophelia: Luna is my..stop picking me Caddo.
Tic Tac the Goblin: *snarls up at Caddo*
Caddo the Big-Man: Nrhan hannho uko hakhaak! (That little one again!)
Ophelia: WOH
Weapon equipped as a one-handed weapon.
Caddo the Big-Man: *takes aim for the thing's noggin*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Who you call little?!
Tic Tac the Goblin: *scowls*
Tic Tac the Goblin: *removes his mask*
Ophelia: you got two seconds to tell me what-
Tic Tac the Goblin: *bows* My queen!
Ophelia: *blinks*
Caddo the Big-Man: Goblin!
Tic Tac the Goblin: Orc!
Ophelia: Excuse me? *tilts her head* Don't I know you?
Tic Tac the Goblin: You dos!
Caddo the Big-Man: She is marry to the goblins 'Phelia??
Tic Tac the Goblin: *smiles and drools*
Ophelia: No..no..no I am not.
Tic Tac the Goblin: *shakes his head sadly*
Ophelia: Hey wait.. What are you doing in here?? ...and how did you get in here?
Caddo the Big-Man: *lectures the goblin* ...pay plenty for a wife like this!
Tic Tac the Goblin: I follow in fat orc shadow.
Tic Tac the Goblin: Yes pay lots!
Ophelia: *frowns*
Tic Tac the Goblin: I offer three pigs!
Caddo the Big-Man: Pay lots yes!
Caddo the Big-Man: Bah!
Tic Tac the Goblin: One dead goat!
Weapon equipped as a one-handed weapon.
Caddo the Big-Man: *takes aim again*
Ophelia: WAIT! *stomps foot*
Ophelia: How do I know you?
Tic Tac the Goblin: An a large yak!
Caddo the Big-Man: Fah!
Caddo the Big-Man : Taunt : *success* : (11 + 10 = 21 vs. DC: 5)
Tic Tac the Goblin: Fah to you orc!
Tic Tac the Goblin: What you offer?
Caddo the Big-Man: *is silenced by the goblin's cutting wit*
Tic Tac the Goblin: See fat orc has nothing to offer!
Tic Tac the Goblin: Tic Tac offer old halfling hand!
Tic Tac the Goblin: *rummage*
Tic Tac the Goblin: *pulls out an old smelly halfling hand*
Ophelia: Tic Tac?
Tic Tac the Goblin: See?
Tic Tac the Goblin: Smell ripe!
Ophelia: Oh wow thats gross.
Caddo the Big-Man: *grumbles and sits against the wall*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Ha!
Caddo the Big-Man: *scratches his belly scowling at the goblin*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Fat orc no chance against wit an charm of Tic Tac!
Ophelia: why...err..is that a Hin?
Tic Tac the Goblin: Tic Tac has much to offer!
Tic Tac the Goblin: I only beat wife on thursdays!
Ophelia: *scratches head*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Occasional beating on saturdays!
Ophelia: Ok you're out.
Tic Tac the Goblin: I like my wives without many bruises!
Caddo the Big-Man: Heh... He only beat this Ophelia once. Then she breaks his
neck. Little scrawny neck!
Tic Tac the Goblin: Fah!
Caddo the Big-Man: Hmph.
Ophelia: *points to door*
Ophelia: OUT!
Tic Tac the Goblin: Fat orc just sit an eat!
Tic Tac the Goblin: See she tellin' you to leave!
Tic Tac the Goblin: Out you go fat orc!
Ophelia: No not him.
Ophelia: YOU!
Tic Tac the Goblin: We make little gobbos!
Tic Tac the Goblin: *moves pelvis*
Caddo the Big-Man: Should eat more this goblin. Grow a nice fat belly. Then
Ophelia will look at him!
Tic Tac the Goblin: Fah!
Tic Tac the Goblin: Fat orc has the green monster in him!
Ophelia: Oh..wow...*frowns*
Caddo the Big-Man: This goblin look like little orclun baby!!
Tic Tac the Goblin: *bats his eyes*
Caddo the Big-Man: No belly at all!
Ophelia: *sighs*
Tic Tac the Goblin: You not have Tic Tacs moldy colored eyes!
Tic Tac the Goblin: *bats his eyes again as mold falls off the eyebrows*
Ophelia: *goes back to rummaging in her lady garments*
Tic Tac the Goblin: I shall sing to the queen!
Tic Tac the Goblin: *gets on bended knee*
Ophelia: *looks over*
Tic Tac the Goblin: *clears his throat and spits out some green substance*
Caddo the Big-Man: *winces*
Tic Tac the Goblin: TIC TAC!
Tic Tac the Goblin: *sings*
Ophelia: This..is...this is....*shakes her head watching the spit fly on her floor*
Tic Tac the Goblin: HAS LOVE FOR FAT QUEEN!
Tic Tac the Goblin: *sings*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Tic Tac !
Tic Tac the Goblin: *sings*
Ophelia: *bury face in hand*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Has something she never seen!
Tic Tac the Goblin: *sings*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Fat Queen!
Tic Tac the Goblin: *sings*
Tic Tac the Goblin: FAT FAT FAT!
Tic Tac the Goblin: *sings*
Tic Tac the Goblin: FAT FAT FAT!
Tic Tac the Goblin: *sings*
Tic Tac the Goblin: That all I has so far.
Caddo the Big-Man: *uses the desk and the chair to lift himself off the ground*
Rrrrrohh.
Tic Tac the Goblin: Beat that fat orc.
Tic Tac the Goblin: Hmmph!
Ophelia: *looks down*
Caddo the Big-Man: *scratches his nose sheepishly*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Wells?
Ophelia: Wells what?
Ophelia: You still haven't told me why you are here?
Tic Tac the Goblin: Seein' if fat orc can compete with Tic Tac's sweet tongue!
Ophelia: I am not singing. *furrows brow*
Caddo the Big-Man: *seems to look at Ophelia a little differently*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Tic Tac come to tell you that he is goin' help you with
the orc city thing.
Tic Tac the Goblin: Gobbos not like them strange elves and dorfs!
Ophelia: *looks at Caddo then back to the goblin*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Tic Tac says to his tribe that we help fat Queen!
Tic Tac the Goblin: So we help the Fat Queen!
Tic Tac the Goblin: *nods*
Caddo the Big-Man: For this, Tic Tac wants 'Phelia for his wife?
Tic Tac the Goblin: Perhaps.
Ophelia: Oh well....thanks err..wait what?
Tic Tac the Goblin: She has big hips!
Caddo the Big-Man: Take her away to live in the mountain?
Tic Tac the Goblin: Bare many childs!
Ophelia: *looks down at her hips*
Ophelia: No I don't.
Tic Tac the Goblin: Maybe twenny or thirty.
Tic Tac the Goblin: *nods looking at her hips*
Ophelia: Thats....horrible.
Caddo the Big-Man: They would be strong. Bigger than Tic Tac. And stronger!
Tic Tac the Goblin: Yes!
Ophelia: *face palms* I am not mating with a goblin.
Tic Tac the Goblin: Be super gobbos!
Caddo the Big-Man: Her sons would rule the goblins for as long as we can think!
Tic Tac the Goblin: Longer!
Ophelia: CADDO!
Tic Tac the Goblin: *forgets to think*
Caddo the Big-Man: What?
Tic Tac the Goblin: Eh....that is long no?
Ophelia: What do you mean what?
Caddo the Big-Man: *holds up his arms to the goblin* This long.
Caddo the Big-Man: Very long.
Tic Tac the Goblin: WOW!
Tic Tac the Goblin: Fat orc smart!
Tic Tac the Goblin: He can measure time with arms!
Ophelia: *sighs rubbing her temples*
Caddo the Big-Man: *shrugs at Ophelia* Want him to arrange it Caddo?
Tic Tac the Goblin: In my tribe you be official time fella!
Ophelia: NO!
Tic Tac the Goblin: Noble title!
Caddo the Big-Man: Hmph.
Tic Tac the Goblin: Much respect!
Tic Tac the Goblin: Many wives!
Caddo the Big-Man: So what. You are goblins!
Tic Tac the Goblin: Orc and gobbo!
Tic Tac the Goblin: You get special hut too!
Caddo the Big-Man: *grumbles*
Ophelia: Ok umm...
Tic Tac the Goblin: One with open roof to see the sky!
Caddo the Big-Man: Wear you hut for a hat, this Caddo.
Ophelia: This is my room....and...*sighs*
Tic Tac the Goblin: So when you zug zug ladies can look up and see.
Caddo the Big-Man: *nods to Ophelia* Good room!
Tic Tac the Goblin: Yes her room we not talk about fat orcs zug zug.
Tic Tac the Goblin: This room fine.
Ophelia: Zug zug? *shakes it off* Look err...*rolls eyes*
Caddo the Big-Man: *sits comfortably*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Needs more mud.
Tic Tac the Goblin: Toilet here? *squats*
Ophelia: Wait...I remember NOOOO!!!
Tic Tac the Goblin: *concentrates*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Hmm?
Caddo the Big-Man: *pats the ground* Caddo sits. Tic Tac sits. Not standing over
him like a vulture.
Ophelia: *picks Tic Tac up*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Yes....neck hurt from looking at Caddo.
Tic Tac the Goblin: *sits*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Wow Fat Queen strong!
Ophelia: *strength*
Tic Tac the Goblin: *feet dangle*
Ophelia: You will not poop in here *shakes him a little for effect* Got it?
Caddo the Big-Man: Heh... now they make the babies.
Tic Tac the Goblin: *blink*
Tic Tac the Goblin: This strange orc mating.
Tic Tac the Goblin: But okays.
Ophelia: *drops him*
Caddo the Big-Man: Don't mind Caddo. Jus' sit and wait.
Tic Tac the Goblin: *plop*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Oh!
Tic Tac the Goblin: She rough.
Ophelia: Oh I feel gross.
Tic Tac the Goblin: Caddo taking the notes?
Tic Tac the Goblin: Give him pointers.
Tic Tac the Goblin: Always look deep into womans eyes.
Ophelia: You know...
Tic Tac the Goblin: Then ......lick her face.
Tic Tac the Goblin: They likes that.
Ophelia: ugg...
Ophelia: *gags*
Caddo the Big-Man: Fah. That is not how you make babies.
Tic Tac the Goblin: No?
Caddo the Big-Man: *shakes his head*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Then how?
Tic Tac the Goblin: *pulls out a notepad*
Caddo the Big-Man: *jerks his chin at Ophelia* Gotta wait until she falls asleep.
Ophelia: *......*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Oh! Then light on fire?
Caddo the Big-Man: Got the fire in the britches? *looks crookedly at the goblin*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Oh that fire!
Caddo the Big-Man: Bad stuff.
Tic Tac the Goblin: Hmm need cure for that.
Tic Tac the Goblin: Have all over body.
Tic Tac the Goblin: Bad rash.
Ophelia: *shakes head*
Ophelia: Yeah...I am sick.
Caddo the Big-Man: *whispers to the goblin* That's what they say... always sick...
Tic Tac the Goblin: Ahh!
Ophelia: LOOK!!
Tic Tac the Goblin: So Caddo gon mate with Fat Queen?
Ophelia: ENOUGH! The both of you.
Tic Tac the Goblin: Tic Tac watch.
Caddo the Big-Man: *grows somber and serious*
Caddo the Big-Man: She gonna kill you goblin. Then she gonna kill this Caddo.
Tic Tac the Goblin: That how she mate eh?
Tic Tac the Goblin: That good?
Tic Tac the Goblin: *peeks over at Ophelia*
Caddo the Big-Man: Bad stuff. That is how she kills you.
Ophelia: *is very red*
Tic Tac the Goblin: Hmm.
Ophelia: NO...I am going to smoosh your head with my bare hands.
Tic Tac the Goblin: *clears throat*
Tic Tac the Goblin: *blink*
Tic Tac the Goblin: *tries to open the door*
Caddo the Big-Man: [Whisper] Get that door to open!
Tic Tac the Goblin: Crabby time.
Caddo the Big-Man: *pound pound pound*
Ophelia: *SLAM*
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"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about dying."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means lying in the ground with dirt on your face and holding your breath forever."
-Burt Reynolds, "The End" |
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Re: Sex Talk with Caddo and Tic Tac
Posted: 12 Jul 2007 01:21 PM |
((ROTFLMMFAO!!! I warned ya before, put a cupla beers in mista Sprinkles an' 'e gits dangerus! )) |
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Re: Sex Talk with Caddo and Tic Tac
Posted: 12 Jul 2007 05:46 PM |
| I was completely sober for 1/3 of that event! *goes back to the bar* |
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Re: Sex Talk with Caddo and Tic Tac
Posted: 12 Jul 2007 06:14 PM |
This is funnier reading it now then actually being there.
But seriously Kids! This should be a lesson to all of you.
Don't Drink and DM! |
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Re: Sex Talk with Caddo and Tic Tac
Posted: 25 Jul 2007 11:06 AM |
*holding her sides laughing in tears..*
ZUG ZUG!
*Continues laughing and crying* ZUG ZUG! |
All Rincewind could manage to say was, "You know, I never imagined there were he-dryads. Not even in an oak tree."
Durellae Snorted "Stupid! Where do you think acorns come from?" . . .
(Terry Prachett, "The Color of Magic") |
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Re: Tribal Life
Posted: 03 Feb 2008 11:01 PM |
Four Months Ago...
The druid bent down and collected a handful of tilled earth in his hand. He felt its texture, judging the balance of clay, silt and sand, and let the crumbly soil pass through his long elven fingers. The qualities of the soil were exceptional, promising great fertility.
"How do you feed this soil?" he asked the towering, rotund half-orc who stood nearby.
"The dwarven," he replied referring to the Durzagon that enslaved M'Gok Tukar not so long ago, "...they are have us to cut up the bodies of men and women who farm this land before the Orclun." To illustrate, the big-man named Caddo crouched beside the druid and fished a bleached white rib bone out of the earth. He held it for the other's inspection.
The elf winced to hear of the barbarity of the Durzagon, but also at the callousness of the big-man whose ear he had reached.
"Feed more to this dirt Amon?"
"In time, yes," came the elf's curt reply.
"How long?"
He looked over to the half-orc and said, "Soon. Before you replant the fields at the start of the new growing season. This soil will grow three ripened crops in one year if you feed it properly."
Caddo looked over towards Amon. Casually he flipped the rib bone into the loose tilled earth again.
"But there are better ways," Amon said, "than feeding it men." The elf dropped the soil held in his hands and dusted them off.
Caddo listened.
"You keep cattle."
"Some, yus."
"Their waste is good to feed this soil. But it must be prepared. It would be good to start soon."
"The dwarven make us to pile the dung," Caddo said. "Pile it and keep it."
"Good, then you already have a start."
"This we still do," Caddo said, nodding. "Pile it and let it get hot."
"And do you chop hay and mix it with the dung?"
Caddo frowned. "What is hay?"
"Here," Amon showed him. "The same that is fed to them. Mix some in with the pile."
Caddo wrinkled up his nose. "Beat this into the dung and let it get hot, eh?"
"Let it get hot, and do not forget to turn it."
Caddo pulled a fistfull of turf from the sod at their feet. "This is not the hay. This is for goats to eat... Not growing hay, the orclun. Soon we will have none."
"Hay is very easy to grow," Amon said. "When you clear the buildings you will have room for it. Spread the seed, and wait. You will not need to tend it."
Caddo grunted with a nod. Then he broke into rumbling, good-humored chuckles. He bent over with a groan and removed a human mandible from the tilled earth, which was missing most of its teeth. He turned it over in his hand, seeming to be amused by its toothless condition.
"Now," Amon said moving forward with his advice, "what the dwarves had you do, to the men and women who were here before you..."
Caddo nodded, winging the jawbone into the earth.
"There is something similar that you can do."
"We hunt," Caddo said. The Orclun had already contemplated how they would feed the soil for the next season's crops.
"Fish," Amon said.
Caddo screwed up his face into a sneer. "Hunt for fishes?!"
"Yes. Fish will feed the dirt well."
"The Orclun are great hunters!! We will spill blood on this dirt, to feed it!"
"You will spoil the ground if you do this," Amon said solemnly.
Caddo frowned. "Fish?"
"Hunt, and be proud," Amon said. "But that is not to feed the dirt."
"Fish is betters?"
Amon nodded. "Cut them up, and plant them with the seed. Not many, only a few."
When Caddo showed understanding, Amon continued. "The grains you grow. These can be more. Some things, corn, potatoes, cotton, these need space to grow well. Rye, Wheat, these can be sowed heavily. They need only a little room."
"More the plants, and closer together. Eh?"
Amon nodded. "They do not suffer when sown closely."
Caddo crouched over, easing his fat belly down between his thighs. He poked two finger holes into the soil as far apart as his hand was wide. "Like this?" He asked.
"That will work well," Amon answered. "That will let you grow more. You can store your grain, and when the food is short again, you will not go hungry."
Caddo raised up his bulk, pushing off the ground with his war club.
Amon walked, pointing at a cornfield with his staff's end. "Here. As it is now, you grow only corn here."
"Corn and weeds, yus."
The druid walked into the field without parting the plants and without bending their stalks, or even rustling the broad green leaves of the corn that grew to the height of his ears. "You can grow another thing with corn. When you plant the corn, plant two beans in the same hole. The corn will grow tall, and the beans will grow and cling to the corn."
"The bean will choke the corn, eh?" Caddo put a hand underneath his low chin and gagged with a rattle in his throat: "g-g-g-g-ghhhhhh!"
"It will not harm it," Amon said. "It will wrap around and grow and in the same space that you grew before only corn, there will grow corn and beans."
Caddo grew distracted by the approach of another half-orc. He said a few sharp words in the Orclun tongue, and the other stopped and then walked in a different direction. He did not hurry away, but he did glance back with some worry at the big-man Caddo, who now bent and shook a cornstalk as though testing its rootedness.
Caddo kept one eye on the other half-orc who approached before, guarding the knowledge that Amon imparted jealously. He would take credit for the knowledge when he revealed it to his tribe. To Amon, the outcome would be the same.
"He want to see the dung?" Caddo said, meaning to draw the druid away from the other Orclun. "We pile it here!"
"How often do you turn the pile?" Amon asked.
"Never been turn. But if this Amon say to mix in straws, we will mix in straws. Stomp it in good!!"
"If it is turned, it will mature faster. Once each month should be enough."
"One a month," Caddo repeated. "He will take these words into M'gok Tukar, Amon. See who will listen."
"There are two more things I wish to share with the Orclun," the druid said.
Caddo leaned on his war club. "Speak them."
"When the harvesting is done, sow the fields with clover."
"Where to find clovers Amon, eh? Take it from the hafflings?"
"Some grows near Brandibuck, you can gather seed there."
Caddo pursed his lips in consideration of this tedium. Then he nodded once with a grunt, determining that it was work fit for Orclun children, who could work under the supervision and protection of their older sisters.
"Let the clover cover the whole field, then when you plough the dirt, leave the clover there."
"Cut the clovers into the dirt?" questioned Caddo.
"Turn it under," Amon replied, "Let it feed the dirt. This will protect the soil when the rains come, and help feed the dirt."
"The soil need flesh and bone to eat, eh? No?"
"No Caddo, we discussed this thing."
"He say feed the dirt some fishes. He hears it, Caddo!"
"Ah, yes, the fish," Amon said. "I thought perhaps you wished to feed it some dwarves."
Caddo grinned bestially. "Feed the ground whatever we can... but there are no more dwarves. All ate up!"
Memories of the great feast that followed perhaps too soon after the liberation of M'Gok Tukar passed through Amon's mind. The druid had shared in that effort and an abundance of fresh flame-roasted meat was laid out for the liberators.
"One last thing," the druid continued patiently. "Concerning the fields. Every few seasons, two or three, you must move the plants. In the field where you have grown corn, now plant rye. Where the rye grew, plant corn..."
Caddo nodded and picked up on this thought quickly. "Where there is cotton, we grow hay. And where we have hay, we grow cotton. See it clear, yus."
"Plants give and take from the soil. Some give what others take, as you move them, they prepare the ground for the next plants to live there."
"The dwarven are not show these things to M'Gok Tukar, Amon."
"Soon, your people will have so much food, that others will come to trade with them for it. Your people will regain all that they have lost, and gain more beyond that." The druid finished in his advice. "If there is anything else you need of me, please, ask."
"He remembers this, Amon." Caddo nodded. "Remember his promise of help."
"Take this Amon." Caddo held out a towering, painted shield made from oaken staves and stretched bear hides. The shield tapered in the middle, where there was a simple handle made from a vertical piece of wood that was heated over a fire and bowed while it was still green. It was one of two shields that Caddo carried safely over his head as he forded the moat beyond the walls of M'Gok Tukar. "It is his make," the great fat half-orc said proudly. "It is his to take, Amon, in thanks."
The druid smiled and dipped his head, becoming more and more a student of Orclun customs. "I will accept your gift with pride."
"Now, he go to M'Gok Tukar and start to talk of these things," Caddo said.
"I hope your people will listen."
"His voice is strong. They will hear Caddo!!"
* * * * *
And so they heard. And so the half-orcs of M'Gok Tukar absorbed elven advice, however partially, however imperfectly... |
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about dying."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means lying in the ground with dirt on your face and holding your breath forever."
-Burt Reynolds, "The End" |
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