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From Eliana's Journal of Days
Posted: 07 Oct 2004 12:15 PM |
(Eliana sits in her room at the Broken Mask and writes at a furious rate in a well-worn, leather-bound journal.)
These past weeks have been an eventful time for me. Returned home? Yes. Realized my parents were lost? Yes. Reconciled myself with my god? Yes. Turned to stone? Oh yes.
I still cannot bring myself to set foot inside the ruins of Lyceaum. I tried to return there once with others, but I could not. I cannot understand this aversion. I have had terrible experiences in the past, and I have been able to face them. Why is this so different? It is something I must ponder.
I have had no word of my parents. Which is certainly not unexpected. They have been gone from Ferein for years, I am told, so why do I expect to see them walking toward me every time I turn a corner? I do not know. But I do expect it. And I feel so guilty. I know that they left in search of me. I know it. And the likelihood that they met their demise somewhere along the roads they searched is impossibly high. But what am I to do? I must find them. I must try. I will not abandon anyone else, not again. I am not quite sure what I should do, where to begin. I suppose I should start with the areas around Ferein and work my way inland from there. I will just have to find someone who can help me with this. After . . . well, I dare not face the wilds alone. I know better now.
~~~
I do not quite know what I think of all the chaos that seems to be thriving in the lands. I have never cared much for laws or order, but it seems that even those vestiges of stability are fading quickly. And what irks me more than the situation is my general ignorance of it. I still do not have a solid answer as to why elves are no longer welcome in Midor. I still do not understand how there can be demons roaming relatively freely. I still do not understand what has happened to a few people whose characters I though I had properly judged. I suppose even the most stalwart of people can change. But again, I do not understand it.
I have made an acquaintance with a great number of people, some of whom may be able to give me the knowledge I seek. I believe I have even made a few friends. This is indeed progress for me. One in particular stands out to me, a young girl called Kitty. She is a little silly, and I believe she is a bit touched in the head, though be it from relatively normal causes or some great tragedy I do not know. I did not talk with her at great length, but I think of her often now, and worry for her. She said she accidentally killed someone in Port, and cannot go back to the city because of it. I wish there was more I could do to help her – she is such a sweet child, and I cannot imagine her causing malicious or intentional harm to anyone. She seems unjaded, despite her doubtlessly hard past, and that is something I envy. I can only hope she stays that way.
Kitty was only one of a motley assortment of companions I have found myself with in the past few weeks. I must say, while I have never been too particular of the company I keep (much to my mother's horror, when I was younger), I never expected to find myself traveling with a paladin.
Let alone two.
The irony of the situation is far from lost on me. I was chased from Midor by a paladin . . . called a "filthy elf", and driven from the city. And yet, neither of these seems to object to my presence. Neither seems to believe me evil. Quite the opposite, I would venture, though they could hardly claim to know me well.
Yet another thing I do not understand.
I suppose the coming days will reveal more of these things than my meandering musings here ever will, so I should perhaps go be . . . productive. Or some such nonsense. |
Consequences
Unsent
It's hard to say it, time to say it...
Goodbye, goodbye |
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Re: Eliana's Journal of Days
Posted: 11 Oct 2004 01:37 PM |
Life grows ever more interesting.
I fear I have made an enemy of Macha, but I do not regret my actions. If she must live this cursed hunt of Tarik's, I shall do all that is within my power to assure that the innocent are not harmed. Being a follower of Midoran does not make one not innocent. I have no love, none, for Midoran, and I despise all that his high followers stand for, but these ones...these men, barely more than children, are not the same. Macha has set her eye on Trent, and I fear for him. I may not agree with his path, but it is his life, and he is harming no one. He is, indeed, trying to make right the wrongs done by his superiors, and for that he deserves admiration, not scorn. For being human, for following Midoran, he deserves to die? I think not. This is bigotry just as vile as that seen in Midor, and it is not something I can stand by and watch. Rather than stand by and watch, I may well interfere and die...but while it is within my power, I will not watch anyone I care about die again. Never again.
There is so much disturbed. It is as if all of Vives is turned on end, inside out and unnatural. I have heard whispers, from friends and from...other things that I can't explain...that something is wrong with the Mother. The stones have been stolen...by who or what, I do not know. Eerel and Laure both felt it more keenly than I did, being more closely connected to the earth, but I can sense it, which worries me. I do not know what will come of this – I do not wish to know what will come of this. It frightens me.
And there are stones upon stones upon stones . . . the standing stones in the Great Plains of Midor are tainted, and two of the stones binding the gateways to Nethar'u have been endangered.
And when the force of the faithful of four gods could not cleanse the standing stones, I began to understand just what a power we are dealing with. I do not know if it can be defeated. I am not a pessimist by nature, but I have never seen such things as the past days have shown. I never wish to see them again. But I shall; these, and more.
In the midst of all the fear of hell breaking loose on the face of Vives, the world as we know it ending, the needless deaths of so many, the brink of war between Ferein and Midor . . . it is the damnable paladins that make me the craziest. I think I attract them . . . or perhaps they attract me. Trent, naturally, I fell in with out of what I perceived as necessity – warning him of the danger facing him. He is a promising child; I hope he will do great things in time. I like him. He lightens my heart a bit, brings out a bit of the child in me, might I say. Arcane is acting . . . very strangely. Well, strangely for Arcane. He is randomly giving me gifts, and that silly mantra of "I must protect you" is rearing its head again. I admit, I am weaker than most, but there are things I am exceedingly good at. Fighting mummies? Not one of them. If he did not insist upon running off into impossible danger at every moment, I wouldn't need protection. Hmph. And Byron . . . Byron seems so haunted. I do not quite know what to make of him. He is a paladin that does not follow Midoran . . . and I have never heard of such a thing. Perhaps time will reveal what bothers him so.
I went through Midor, with Shalee...accompanied by Arcane and Trent, who allowed us safe passage through the city. While we were waiting for the Aegea to come in, I remembered something I hadn't thought of in years…
Aey amecc lairela oem sa
Aey amecc eelamnyesa
Aey amecc melaa ilfeela
Illw aniraa amecc amilannyir aey illa aey mewa
Amilannyir aey illa aey mewa . . . ilamila *
When I was very young, my father sang this to me. He told me I would be a great woman, a hero of the ages, of the people. He believed I would be more than he had been, that I would be able to live the life he had dreamed of.
I failed him. I failed him.
~~~
(The journal is dropped to the bed as she covers her face with her hands and rocks back and forth, determined not to cry.)
*You will shine for me
You will overcome
You will rise above
And they will watch you as you ride
Watch you as you ride . . . away |
Consequences
Unsent
It's hard to say it, time to say it...
Goodbye, goodbye |
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Re: Eliana's Journal of Days
Posted: 11 Oct 2004 02:22 PM |
((Fast becoming my favorate read on the forums. Keep them comming, please! These entries help keep the sanity duirng long days in the office.
Very well written.)) |
My name is Byron Lorian....I am the Last Son |
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Re: Eliana's Journal of Days
Posted: 11 Oct 2004 06:11 PM |
Really love the character Eliana, even though we have only spent a little time together. Plus the story is very beautiful hope to read more... |
Kitty... Orphaned child turned house burglar
When is a croquet mallet like a billy club? I'll tell you; whenever you want it to be."
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Re: Eliana's Journal of Days
Posted: 13 Oct 2004 10:42 AM |
The stones? Still tainted, hidden, or missing, respectively.
Vampires in Buckshire? Yes, indeed.
Neurotic Paladin count? Holding steady at three (I don't know if I should be relieved or disappointed).
Life is a joy.
I went in search of the undead under Port in the company of Arcane, Byron, a halfling mage (Claudia), and two clerics (Sera and Coretta). At least, I think they were both clerics. One of them may well have been a paladin (although neither seems to be off her kilter, ergo the unmodified count above). So. Yes. I went in search of undead in the company of two Paladins and two others devoted to Midoran, bearing the armor of a Fire Knife. I revel in the irony that is my life.
As with nearly every excursion I have made with Arcane, it did not end well. It is not fair to blame him, because we followed (mostly) willingly, but it is a most exasperating trend. In the depths of the catacombs, Arcane and Byron both fell and had to be revived by the Sisters. That left the four of us remaining very vulnerable indeed. Sera and Coretta were felled by horrid undead (I think someone called them something like "Mohrgs"? I did not care to find out for sure) while we were attempting to escape. Claudia and I fled to the sewers, but were cornered by one of the same creatures, which had given chase. I was able to outrun it in the end, but Claudia fell to it. I was the only one who escaped relatively unscathed. I am grateful the Sisters managed to work their healing magics on them all. Had they been beyond reach, I do not think I could have forgiven myself.
In a similar vein, a night ago, a beggar stumbled into the Four Winds as we were all gathered there. Chandler (whom I have deemed "Sir Billowy" in my head for no sensible reason...), Byron, and myself attempted to secure him in a room, leaving some gold and supplies to provide for him...but it, also, did not end well. Upon falling asleep, he began whimpering and crying out, moving as though he was running away from something. It seemed something, of which he was intensely frightened, had been pursuing him. Or had caught him, as it were. Upon examination, I found two puncture wounds upon his neck, resembling that of a bite. Byron insisted immediately that we kill him, but neither Chandler nor myself would agree to it. I ran upstairs in search of Arcane and Coretta, in hope that their healing powers might be of aid, but when I had returned it was too late. The man had apparently turned, fully, in my absence, and had attacked Chandler and Byron. He was dead before we reached the room.
I cannot help but think I failed another one. I do not know what Arcane or Coretta might have done had they reached him sooner, if they even possess healing abilities that could touch that sort of evil . . . but it was too late, either way.
It seems it is always too late, to rectify one's actions, to change.
I don't know. Perhaps it isn't. I shall have to consider this carefully.
After the vampire incident, we congregated on the Highway, and were joined by several others. Byron was acting in a very peculiar manner, and Coretta feared he had been bitten by the vampire. We inspected him, to his obvious annoyance, and found him to be untouched. Praise be to Aros for that. Untouched or not, he was rather astonishingly cranky. He has many secrets, that one, and I would swear that he is more than what he claims to be. He is running from something . . . but I think something else already has him. I intend to investigate it, of course, although I do not know how cooperative he will be. Silly paladin.
I felt I formed something of a tentative friendship with Coretta through all that, but I am certain it shall not last long. She stated outright she would not travel with thieves, and in the baldest of language, it is what I am. We are very, very different, in our paths, devotions, and –most decidedly– our gods. So why it should still bother me so much, I do not know. This, too, I shall have to think on. |
Consequences
Unsent
It's hard to say it, time to say it...
Goodbye, goodbye |
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Re: Eliana's Journal of Days
Posted: 13 Oct 2004 10:53 AM |
| ((Excellent! I am enjoying the story and the IG interaction very much! Thank you...)) |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Eliana's Journal of Days
Posted: 21 Oct 2004 10:15 AM |
My peace is my turmoil, and my turmoil is my comfort.
It is strange how these things seem to happen.
I cannot begin to record all the events of the past weeks. I will not even try. Some things, however, must be written, for I cannot keep them locked inside my head for any longer.
I must learn to better control myself. My hotheadedness may bring to me more trouble than I can overcome, some day. I have made a new enemy, and in this one there is no doubt, for he makes it no secret. He is a paladin of Midoran, this Percival Sanner, and so up the neurotic count goes by one. I should not make light of this, but I cannot help it. It is so absurd.
"I want you, elf," he said to me. "You will corrupt Arcane no further. I will stop you."
My reaction, challenging him to just try, was perhaps not the most-level headed.
Coretta… sweet, innocent Cory, does her best to temper me, but her task is not easy. But I have taken a vow, and my actions must reflect that. I will not break a promise again.
For the four of us, Coretta, Claudia, Byron, and myself, have formed a fellowship between us, of family and support and dedication, and my actions will affect them all. I am sworn, by my honor and my word to protect them, to stand by them, and I shall. My pride be damned, if need be. I will not lose another family.
And… I have successfully avoided the one subject I know I must write about… but no longer.
My thoughts are at once scattered and bound so tightly together that I do not know where to begin.
Byron's… revelation. In a way, I was correct in some of my prior suppositions… but I had no idea. I would never have guessed something of this magnitude. I do not know how to best address this. How does one do it, look at this him, knowing that in cohabitation with his very self is the soul of another, which has proven itself capable of controlling him? I do not… I cannot believe it – him – to be malevolent, from what I have been told of his nature in life, but if he continues to force himself, his…awareness?... on Byron, I shall have to reassess my opinion.
It is very disconcerting.
Doubly so in light of the recent…developments…in our relationship.
Everything has happened so quickly. I am struggling now, to find the line between the two of them, what is Byron and what is not, and it is difficult, because he does not seem to know any longer himself.
I believe I can look back and tell when it was Byron speaking, and when it was not, but what aspects of their personalities have been blended? What traits that show themselves in him are not really his own? I have heard Byron swear twice by Midoran, something that is certainly not in his character. Once, he did not even notice it.
Where does each stop and the other begin?
And what happens when the wrongs are set right, when this paladin's tasks are finished, and he leaves (if, indeed, he can)? What then? After having lived with the presence for a year now, and who knows how long when it concludes, I fear for Byron's sanity when he is alone again in his consciousness. I will do all that I can to aid him, not only for my vow, but because he is… very dear to me… but I do not know what will be in my power to do. He says I make this easier just in my presence and support, but I feel so helpless. And I am so confused. And all of this would take its toll enough, but there is more. Oh, is there more.
Macha. All of this was revealed to me through the actions of Macha.
I have not yet stopped to fully appreciate the irony.
She loved him, this man whose remnants of soul are now in Byron. And he loved her. No, no, for they love each other still – that much was made very painfully clear. She was interrogating Byron over a comment made to Bronwyn… I do not know what she suspected, but certainly not this. It was comforting, in some small measure, to see that she was as dumbfounded as I when the truth was finally laid before us. But I saw her in a way I should never have seen her. I have counted her among my most dangerous enemies, and seeing her weeping, heart broken open in full view, was perhaps the most disturbing part of all. I had not thought her capable of such emotion.
It seems I have been wrong about a great many things.
She sought us out soon after, Claudia and Byron and myself, seeking more answers from Byron. She claimed that her spear was to be burned, for she would no longer tolerate its evil, and that her choices, though unforgivable in the past, would be different in the future. I do not trust her. I cannot afford to. Even had she openly denounced Tarik, which she did not, I would not trust her. I have heard too much, feared for too many, to believe her so easily reformed. Only time will prove that. But would that she speaks the truth. Would that it is possible.
As Claudia said, so astutely, the power of love is a force far greater than any idea of good and evil. |
Consequences
Unsent
It's hard to say it, time to say it...
Goodbye, goodbye |
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Re: Eliana's Journal of Days
Posted: 26 Oct 2004 10:26 AM |
I sit here, in this desolate place, scarcely able to hold a thought together, and yet I know I must write. I have been alone for several days now, with only a passing word with a shopkeeper to remind me I am not yet fully insane... so I must write, if only to further convince myself.
For I know that I am not really alone.
I can feel his eyes upon me, even now, I feel this presence sinking into my very skin. He took of my blood, but not all of it, and I am assured I was not turned. Why, then, am I bound? For what other explanation is there? Wherever I go, what ever I may be doing, it is there. I see him from the corner of my eye, fading in and out of view before I can say a word. Or taunting me, speaking plainly of the claim he has on me, though by what or how I do not know.
Or perhaps I do.
I was foolish, I know. I offered myself willingly up for death, in exchange for their safety. But I fear worse now; I fear he (it?) never intended to kill me at all. I am his, he said, and he is with me, inside me, is me, and I cannot be free of it. Why he wants me, I cannot tell. I fear, of course, that the secret our family holds has been discovered, that he is sought and I am seen as a pathway, a means. If that be the case, I do not know what I can do. I would willingly die before putting them at risk, but again, it is not my death he seeks. At least not yet.
Nor am I the only one he pursues… in this I find both comfort and fear. I do not know what he wishes to gain, or what agenda he may have in this. None of the three others I know of have had the same experience as I... the Songsingers still bear their marks, and Shalee has been turned, I fear, although in a different manner. Despite the differences in method, it is no doubt the same... for we were all shown the Tear.
He seeks the three remaining of Elbereth's Tears, this I do know. Why he believes me in possession of the power to locate them… I know even less. I will not help him. I have told him this repeatedly, and still he pursues me. I walked to the gates of Maldovia and screamed at him for an answer, why, but none has come.
So I left. I had no choice. I put as much distance between myself and those I cared about as I knew how. I will not lose anther family over my rash and irresponsible actions. They are too dear to me. If he will have me, then so be it, but he will not have them.
((OOC: I know this is a day late, but I could not access the file last night. An update soon.))
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Consequences
Unsent
It's hard to say it, time to say it...
Goodbye, goodbye |
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Re: Eliana's Journal of Days
Posted: 27 Oct 2004 12:20 PM |
I am a whirlwind of emotion. I spin and strengthen, drawing all that is around me into a path of destruction, and then dissipate with no warning, leaving ruins and carnage behind. Or… maybe that's slightly too dramatic. There was, after all, no real carnage this time. That doesn’t come until later, yes? -a large blot of ink and some crossed out words appear here-
Yes, for they have found me.
I have seen much in the past days… weeks. I traveled far, as deeply into the wilds as I dared, as far way from my family as I could take myself. What drew me to the monastery, I do not know. But there I found myself, and there I felt… peace? Perhaps. Even in the temple, even where her tears flow, I have never felt the Mother so strongly. Aside from my walking years, I have followed Aros all of my life. He has been my patron, my strength and guide, as he was for my father before me. But it is in Elbereth's arms that I take my refuge now, which is at once frightening and comforting for me. I will always honor Aros, but if she is claiming me as her own, then I will go to her without hesitation.
A monk at the monastery, called Khalid, offered me refuge, privacy, and his wisdom. I owe him a great deal. He told me Byron had been there two days before I arrived, in search of me, so I felt it safe to remain a little while, then, in the belief he would not return so soon.
I will not underestimate that man's persistence again.
But it was Claudia who led them to me. She attempted a scrying spell, one I fear was far too advanced for her, to determine my location. From what Byron has told me, she saw me as I prepared to cross the Gladden Hills, toward the woods and Ferein. The spell gave her the answer she sought, but it took a harsh toll on her. I have not the heart to scold her, but she took such a risk. If she had not awoken from her trance, I...
But she did. She will be fine.
They followed, of course, and after passing the Gladden, they rested for a time at Alarwen's home there in the woods, before returning to the monastery a second time. Khalid concealed my presence there, but urged me in his subtle way to reconsider my path. I was a twig alone, he told me, and apt to break unless bundled with others. After hours of debating with myself, I went. I intended only to speak with them briefly, and then resume my flight. I felt I owed Byron an explanation at the least.
It… did not go well.
I felt as if every part of me was at war with every other part… I wanted to run as far and as fast as I could away from them; I wanted to run into his arms and stay there forever. As long as they are near me, they are in danger. That is the very reason I left, to protect them. But Byron would have none of it, he made that very clear. It is not a conversation I care to think of at great length… it was long and painful and awkward and raw. I do not know if it hurt more to hear his words or to say my own. I held as hard and as firmly as I could, because I knew I was right. I still know it. But when, in the end, he told me he would walk away, if it was what I truly wanted… and he did, and I broke.
Claudia came to me then, as Byron left, and comforted me… when I should have been comforting her, and on my knees begging her forgiveness. But I was too caught up in my own turmoil… I could not see a viable path before me, so I begged yet again to the mother for her aid, for answers, and she gave them to me. The cloisters filled with birds, surrounding us where we sat, like a promise. And I knew I could not continue on in this way. They love me, for reasons I do not understand, and they are as bound to me as I am to them. I cannot deny them the right to uphold their vows to me, so I must do my best to uphold mine with them near.
I met Byron the next day in the temple in Ferein, and there my tormenter made himself known again.
He speaks to me in my mind, a whispered voice I cannot shut out. The things he tells me do not bear repeating, but I must write them. We are one, he says, two sides of the same coin. He is with me, within me, is me… he has said this before. He tells me I will be ready in time, and I will act for myself, not for him. Ready for what, I do not know. He tells me nothing solid, gives nothing tangible. He speaks to me in riddles, in wide, sweeping statements that reveal little and mean even less… on the surface. I was afraid… so afraid, for Byron, for myself. I ordered him… it… to leave me, because I was on sacred ground and he is an abomination to all that stands for. He laughed. He laughed. He is within me, he said, and therefore the place could not harm him.
I could scarcely think, from rage, from fear, and I called out to the mother blindly… and he spoke to me no more. And once more, a white stag approached me, filling me with peace and reassurance. I cannot imagine that it was… but perhaps I can. She does as she wills, and be it a messenger or my lady herself, I was renewed.
I do not know if my choice was a wise one. I do not know how they will be kept safe. But I trust, because I must. Because I cannot do this alone.
She has given me so much. She has given me another family, a man I will never deserve, and has taught me to love them with such intensity I cannot always comprehend it.
I will not waste such a gift. |
Consequences
Unsent
It's hard to say it, time to say it...
Goodbye, goodbye |
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Re: Eliana's Journal of Days
Posted: 01 Nov 2004 03:52 PM |
My body and my mind and my heart are weary, so weary, but my spirit, at least, is somewhat lighter. Due to the combined effort of many, balance in nature and the Mother has been restored. At least for now. It was a long series of battles spread over a longer journey, and the cost was so high, but we prevailed. I bear scars from these past days that I fear I will never lose, but neither would I want to. I have come face to face with my gods – I cannot walk away the same.
The world has changed around me as well... we are all, it seems, closer together, more aware of the delicate balance on which we rest, the connection between us all. In light of which, I am struggling to let go the suspicions, resentments, pain I have held on to so tightly. I have little choice. My life, and the lives of my family, have been placed in the hands of a woman I once considered my most dangerous enemy, and I am forced to trust. It is something of a humbling experience. It pains me, more than I willingly admit, to know that she seems to understands more of his actions than I do, his motivations, what is best for him. That it was her name that escaped his lips when he awoke. But I have no control over this, however much I hate it, and what will be - will be. We may make our fate, but we cannot make others'.
But he... and he... they are not the same, though I fear so much that the events in Maldovia have blurred the line between them even more. But I will do what I must, and right now, I must keep him safe. So we run.
I am torn, now. We flee from the face of a nameless evil, and I fear. But we walk through proof of miracles, through a land just days ago torn and ravaged by the powers of darkness, now purified, and beautiful again.
I do not understand. But I hope... I still hope. And for now, that is enough. |
Consequences
Unsent
It's hard to say it, time to say it...
Goodbye, goodbye |
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Re: Eliana's Journal of Days
Posted: 01 Nov 2004 04:26 PM |
((sorry for the ooc, but... *applauds loudly*
Lovely journal. And for what it's worth...I find one of the greatest pleasures as a DM is when players are inspired to write by events IG...be they from small little episodes or massive vives-shattering events. And of course it's a testament to the players how many of these tales come from purely player driven stories as well. Anyway consider this my massive thank you to -all- the creative people here for the amazing IC stories & journals over the last few weeks and months. They have been fantastic and keep them coming! More, more!! :0) )) |
'The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.' - Richard Bach, Illusions. |
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Re: Eliana's Journal of Days
Posted: 15 Dec 2004 01:44 PM |
| *several pages have been torn out here* |
Consequences
Unsent
It's hard to say it, time to say it...
Goodbye, goodbye |
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The Binding
Posted: 15 Dec 2004 01:45 PM |
Some things elude description. Peace brings turmoil, wholeness brings emptiness, joy brings sorrow. Aey amecc lairela oem sa; aey amecc eelamnyesa; aey amecc melaa ilfeela. My father's words bring me little comfort now. He was blinded when he looked at me... believed me to be capable of far more than I am. But his words, the advice he gave, the subtle urgings and suggestions... they held wisdom, and might have guided me safely. Had I but heeded them before.
Had I... well, I suppose I would not be here.
I have made my decision – in truth I made it months ago. But my words and my vow have been spoken; my heart did not waver in uncertainty as my very soul was bound. I do not believe many would understand what has passed between Byron and myself – indeed I do not fully understand it myself. To say this was unexpected... well, I never thought... But it simply is, and that is enough. It is at once frightening and exhilarating, this nearness, this closeness, this... oneness? He says that the ritual, the oath, does not create the bond, only reveals it, enhances it in ways... and, to me, defines it. But it is far more than just an awareness of what was there before. When I concentrate, I can sense him... speak to him without words. Should this frighten me more than it does? How many years does he have, he asked me, before this was done. How many years does he have, and how many have I? I did not answer him... I did not have to. I know fully well what I have done. It could be no other way... for this will not come again, not even in the centuries I have left. I fear, though... I fear for what this could mean for us both. But that will come all too soon... I will not let the uncertain ruin what is now.
He has told me, this Binding is not a marriage, not by definition, not by law, and not in the sight of any god. I know it is true, for a marriage does not touch this deeply, bind this closely, not on its own. I have made my decision; I have sworn my oath, given my vow. And I am bound.
E laamailm, el anira wilala laanecc caoan, E amecc lairela oem aey. *
*((I swear in the days still left, I will shine for you.))
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It's hard to say it, time to say it...
Goodbye, goodbye |
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It comes
Posted: 15 Dec 2004 01:46 PM |
*the entry is almost messy, apparently written at an even faster rate than usual*
It comes. It comes so quickly. I cannot let this happen, not without additional measures, not without another plan. Because if this one fails...
It is not worth the risk, but I know they will not heed me. I do not trust her. Some things never change... her words with Elvalia and Iretya were more than enough to remind me of that. No, I do not trust her in the least, although I do not believe she would knowingly bring him harm. But she oversteps her bounds, and she does not fully consider her actions, and I will not allow her to be the only one determining his fate. He is willing, all too willing, to follow her, to go forward with this insanity. I know him... I know he thinks that even if we fail, even if we are unable to stop it after Loccard falls, that he will have done the right thing. dang his honor. I do not think he even considers that if he dies, Loccard has still succeeded.
So many... so many face their death here, and most do not even know why.
Do I speak from selfishness? For in many ways, his fate is mine.
I know that I will lose him... so soon already... but I refuse to let this be the way, I refuse to let it be this soon. But it is so much more than that... so many others have been harmed in all this, some only because they are connected with him, others for seemingly no reason at all. This darkness, this evil... it must be stopped. Now, now my focus is on finishing my preparations before tomorrow, but after... after, I know that I will return. I know that we must return. We may battle a very god, but we cannot stop, we cannot stand down, or this will never end. We will not be the last, and this will not be the worst.
Time flees from me, but I will do what I must. If I cannot stop him from going through with this ritual, then I will make certain it will not claim him. I have plans, two already set in motion, and another that I go to seek now, and one of them, at least, must be successful.
I do not know whether to pray that what I suspect is true or not... but if it is, he must not know. Not now.
I walk into the mouth of evil, I stare into the face of darkness, but I cannot afford to falter. This is too pivotal a time. Too much is at stake... more, I think, than anyone truly realizes.
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Today
Posted: 16 Dec 2004 09:25 PM |
Today, we go.
What preparations I could manage have been made; what tears I cried have been spent. Today we go, and today, this ends.
Tonight, when we return, tonight will be the time for contemplation, for quiet celebration, for realization and a long awaited moment of peace. For all of us.
But today, my mind and my will are bent toward one end, and one end only.
Today, this evil will fall. It can be no other way. |
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It's hard to say it, time to say it...
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Decisions
Posted: 29 Dec 2004 03:55 PM |
(Eliana sits silently in front of the fire in the Icy Vale Inn, her journal lying open in her lap. She runs her fingers idly over a ragged letter and a still-sealed envelope which lie on top of the journal, staring down at them. Touching her cheek, she hesitates, and then folds the envelope in half and flicks it into the fire. When all traces of it are gone, she bends her head and begins to write.)
These past days have been strangely quiet. After months upon months of turmoil, leading up to one horrific, climactic moment, it seemed for a while as if time had rolled to a slow stop. I remember everything... it is burned in my mind, from the first step we took on the Bridge, to the days after we returned, days of sitting at Byron's bedside, watching him sleep, fearing his awakening, yet fearing it might not come. But come it did, and I allowed myself a little freedom after it. I think every tree, every building, every nook of Icy Vale is known to me, after the hours I spent wandering it, unwilling to venture too far from him, but unable to stand staring at the four walls any longer. It's rather amazing what a bit of rolling in the snow will do for one's spirits.
It was not peace, no, for I was still far too restless, still far too unsure. But it was the closest I had come to peace in a very long time.
These things never do last long.
So much, now. He is gone – I truly do not know where, else I would have long since gone after him. He seeks an artifact, a relic, although for what purpose I still do not truly understand. I think at times he is the most honor-bound, single-minded, stubborn person I have ever met... and perhaps it would not vex me quite so much if I did not love him quite so much, but there it is. I chose this path, and I will walk it, grumble though I may. At least he is not so ornery and impossible as Arcane. I may console myself with that. But... I cannot be so light-hearted about this for long, and I will not relate a mindset that is not true, not here of all places. I am near sick with worry, on the verge of panic, if the truth be known. He is gone... and although I have this letter he send me, worn and tattered from both its long journey to me and my repeated readings, I cannot derive from it any hint of where he may actually be, and I cannot help but worry. If I search, concentrating, deeply enough I can sense him... I know he is well, at least, although that does not comfort me so much as it should. It has been over a week since his letter arrived... if he has not returned within another, I will go and search for him, although I do not even know where to begin. I will go wherever I am led.
If I go... if I must... then I must see Claudia first. She might wish to go with me, and I would not deny her that, if she wished it. And I will not leave her alone, not until we can resolve her own trauma, so if she stays, I will speak to Alton as well. I wish I were more knowledgeable of... well, many things, but I must content myself in this matter to seek out those with more experience than I. I have yet to speak with Solitaire, and I must seek out Balthor again... and I hope, yes I hope, although I do not expect, that they may offer some advice, or have some bit of hidden knowledge that would allow us to combat this creature. She grows pale and drawn at times lately, and is not so quick to smile... I cannot imagine how this weighs on her, or what atrocities it speaks to her. I am thankful, at least, that she has Alton with her, for he is a very steady source of support for her, and is incredibly powerful for one so young. No, I cannot go until I am sure she is safe from it, at least temporarily.
For now, I must wait, and prepare for the many things soon to come.
As to the other events, the other thoughts that continually creep back into my mind... they will be dealt with. I only wish....
*a large block of text has been scribbled over and blotted out here* |
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It's hard to say it, time to say it...
Goodbye, goodbye |
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Darkness
Posted: 12 Jan 2005 03:58 PM |
This week has been so wrought with madness that I do not know where to begin. Does it start with our descent into Gukathul's temple, where Byron's obsession for justice was fed, and my fear reached its peak? Or with the venture of Claudia and myself into the frozen wastes, where we faced and defeated the ice giants, and my realization of our situation came upon me slowly?
We are a force, the three of us. Would that our other sister were still with us on our quest... but her heart is with her church, and no methods I would willingly engage in could sway her. But the three of us, bound by oath and love and blood, we are a force. I realized this, and the heady sense of power I had made me overconfident for a time. Perhaps we were arrogant when we entered the catacombs, when we continued deeper in our quest. Perhaps we expected to be able to defeat whatever we faced. We were foolish.
We found a book, but as Byron said, it could not be so easy; what ancient texts or relics he seeks were not in the upper level. When we descended, Johe, who had found us and was accompanying us, slipped ahead, concealed by his stealth and Claudia's spells. He returned quickly and whispered for a retreat, in light of the creature he had spotted. It was venerable and huge, "like Glordong big," Johe said, and he did not exaggerate. When it saw us, I did not expect us to escape alive. But it fell, and it fell quickly, under Byron's sword and Claudia's destructive magics, along with the scores of other creatures that assaulted us. We did retreat then, because who knew what might await us further... and even this information we sought was not worth all our lives.
But our retreat did not go unnoticed. Byron tells me now that he sensed the approach of the undead behind us, and when I looked behind me, I could not imagine how I had not as well. Dozens upon dozens of the skeletons followed us... cloaked in shadow and magics, and seeing through our own.
I vaguely remember Byron and Johe shouting, arrows hissing through the air around me, the hollow ring of metal on bone, Claudia channeling spell after spell, the horrid stench of the undead....
And they kept coming, even after they were struck down, and I saw, I saw, and I knew what was happening before it was over, but it was too soon... and he fell. My mind gave over to panic and I could think of nothing but reaching him, cutting my way through the press of rotten flesh and animated bone between us.
And then, an incantation... and it was dark, a sensation which I can never quite acclimate myself to. And I fumbled and screeched in the blackness, striking out blindly, with Johe's sword and Claudia's bursts of energy still flying around me, until the spell faded and we were left standing in the corridor, carnage all around....
And he was gone.
Johe saw the trail through the gore and dust that covered the floor, the obvious signs of someone being dragged, but they stopped dead against a wall, with no hidden mechanism we could find, no further trace of where the undead had taken him.
Panic gave over to blind fury and determination. Claudia, exhausted from her casting, and Johe, with a steady stream of calming words, followed behind me as I flew through the dank hallways, every flicker of light a broken promise, every turn lending new despair. Johe's shouts for me to wait finally registered in my mind, I paused.
"Wait! Lissen ta me!" he began, but I cut him off.
"I have to find him. I will NOT leave someone again. I will not let them... I will not do it... I can't...." My words trailed off into a muddle, and Johe spoke quickly.
"We'll guyver him I promise. We can't guyver him alone tho', aaela? Miss Eliana, we gotta regroup an plan it or we al die down here."
I shook my head, my anger, panic, guilt still reigning. "I will do it alone if I must." My thoughts turned, unbidden, to a pair of dark eyes beseeching me, pleading with me to run and save myself. I closed my eyes, and my voice shook. "I lost someone like this once before. I will not do it again. "
"Tha's right," Johe said firmly. "Ya won't, an' I'll help ya I promise." I turned, a protest on my lips, but his calm words stopped me. "Eliana. Ya don' wanna fail right? Best way not ta fail is ta plan."
I took a breath and looked around, considering. I would be no help to him were I to lose my life in a thoughtless search, with no preparations and no one to aid me.
Johe continued. "We'll guyver him I promise, we guyvered him afore, and ya know why? Cus we had a good plan and didn' go runnin' off."
I shivered slightly, at his implication. In Maldovia, too, it was Johe who kept me from losing my head and sacrificing the entire mission with my rash actions.
"Right? Ya trust me right?"
"Right," I whispered.
He pulled off his helm and looked up at me earnestly. "Come with me then so we can plan how we get our frend back okie dokie?"
I nodded and answered faintly, "All right."
He grinned. "Atta guyver. Le's go git sum frends an' blow this place ta hells."
I smiled back. "I like that plan."
That was three days ago. When Claudia had recovered from her shock and exhaustion, she raised a small army that marched on the catacombs to recover him, and as Johe said, blow the place to hell.
Of course, being a damnably uncooperative sort when it comes to this sort of thing, Byron was not there. When he regained consciousness, he was being drug through the recesses of the tomb by several of the skeletons and morhgs. Why they had not taken his sword, I do not know, but he had it still and was able to overcome them, even in his weakened state, and escape without further harm.
I am at a complete loss. It seems impossible, but he is alive, and healed, and annoyingly cavalier about the entire harrowing event. I have never been so happy to see anyone in all my life. And I care not what he says, some god smiles upon him, and whomever that may be, they have my eternal gratitude.
Perhaps an hour after Byron found Claudia and myself this evening, a Midoran priestess named Blanche approached. Claudia had mentioned her to me in our earlier conversation, and Byron's words confirmed what Claudia had suspected. She knew him before his death, and so... knows Byron. It... never stops being disconcerting. I don't think it ever will. But... In the midst of the conversation, Jessup approached, and during the following exchange, a great many things came together in my mind at once. When I spoke to Johe afterwards, all of it came together. I will not impart the details to paper, or even the subject matter, because it is far too delicate and precarious in this stage. Let it be enough to say that he has a vision, and all will be damned before it is not seen through. He will turn this world upside down, and I will do everything within my power to aid him.
My calm never lasts long, but this time, I am not reluctant to see it pass. I am being pulled now in so many directions – my quest with Byron, my quest for Claudia, and my new place at Johe's side. The responsibilities upon me, the faith they have placed in me, weigh heavy, but I feel a new spark of life deep with in me, a new determination, a new joy at the changes that must come to pass. I am ready, and I will thrive.
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It's hard to say it, time to say it...
Goodbye, goodbye |
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Re: Darkness
Posted: 12 Jan 2005 09:15 PM |
((*claps* Excellent!
From such little events, great things are born)) |
Purpose in life: finding better ways of allowing players to kill themselves. Repeatedly.
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"...Cause he mixes it with love
And makes the world taste good."
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<@James42> Lawful good isn't in your vocabulary, it's on your menu.
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Awakened
Posted: 19 Feb 2005 02:00 PM |
*the writing is shaky and harsh on the page, much messier than any of the prior entries, but still easily legible*
My thoughts betray me. My emotions betray me.
My words betray me, even now.
I cannot accept this. I cannot believe this.
I can never forgive myself.
He lives. By all that is holy and all that is damned in this world, he lives. And I am lost, I am lost, and this pain that slowly seeped from me over the years since that day is again so very real.
Have I forgotten? Forgotten? Le, sa ceela. Le.
But my actions, when I do decide what they must be, will not be governed by my memories. I will not approach this blindly; I will not react before consideration.
However much I may want to.
I have mourned... for over a decade, I mourned him. My pain, he says now, was his. But I am not his, no longer. I am torn, I am pulled nearly asunder, but in the end my choice in that, at least, was without contest. My heart is breaking, but it remains true.
If only all the other choices facing me were as clear.
He lives. But does he?
Does he?
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It's hard to say it, time to say it...
Goodbye, goodbye |
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Waiting
Posted: 24 Feb 2005 02:30 PM |
For three days, I have waited in this place. On the second day, my family came to me. I remember little. The determination in Johe's voice, the concern on Claudia's face, the look in Byron's eyes as he turned to leave....
They left. It almost broke me, but it could be no other way. But I will not lose another family to my foolishness.
For three days, I have waited in this place, to end what I began those years ago. I do not kid myself. If I survive this encounter, if I hold myself in check long enough to learn what I must know, in order to prevent this, it is far from certain I will survive the inevitable confrontation. But I will do whatever I can, whatever I must, for this is my battle.
Whatever he is, whatever he has become, he is no longer the man I knew... and yet, he is.
For me. Because of me. Because of my choices, because of my thoughtlessness.
It was by my words and my actions that this came to be. And it will be by my blade and my will that it ends.
Until then, I wait.
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It's hard to say it, time to say it...
Goodbye, goodbye |
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Re: Waiting
Posted: 16 Jun 2006 12:25 PM |
It is time.
He cannot be saved from his fate. I cannot change my part in creating it. I hold tightly to the notion that redemption may be found, for him, for me, at the end of all things. If I do not, then I will go mad.
So, what, then? Gather a force and storm the desert?
It is not so simple. But in time, intelligence and planning and strengthening will give way to the inevitable. And my blades are at the ready.
As such, I have committed myself, my skills and knowledge, to the cause of the Novus Aristi, to Byron's leadership. Not for this sole purpose... no. For the duration, for all that I can give, because this vision, this ideal, if it comes to full realization, could be the salvation of so many. And Byron is nothing if not a visionary. It is such a strange thing, to see him in that way, though I suppose in some light I have seen it all along. It is who he is, a seamless melding of man and vision, and it is both frightening and exhilarating to watch. He frustrates me, more than any living soul has ever been able, but that, too, stands a challenge for me to reevaluate my thoughts, actions, positions.
And he feels the urgency in this, in me, and I think, at last, he agrees.
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It's hard to say it, time to say it...
Goodbye, goodbye |
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