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how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 30 Mar 2008 03:41 PM |
Alright, it’s officially getting... weird.
First of all, let me back up a second. For those of you who don’t know, (which would be most of you, since I’ve only really talked about it in IRC, and IRC has been pretty quiet these days) my wife and I have joined the ranks of parenthood... or rather, soon to be joining. She is now about four and a half months along, and we expect our little bundle of chaos sometime in the first week of August.
The getting weird part is because yesterday we registered at Babies R Us... and yeah, trying to pick out what you expect you might need or want in the way of baby supplies, when you have never had one before is just a weird process to me. I have NO idea what half of this stuff is even for, let alone whether it will be something we can’t do without, or something we will have no use for. Luckily, my wife has a lot more knowledge on the subject (be it built in instincts or just experience with other peoples kids... me, I never paid attention to the details, I would just play with the kids.  ).
It still hasn’t really sunk in yet... and from what a lot of people say, it probably wont until the little wiggle worm is born, and physically in my hands.
We are having a girl (or at least 90% sure anyway) so prayers for my sanity will be much appreciated, now that I will be outnumbered in my own house... to say nothing of the fact that I still have no clue how women tick, let alone little girls.
But she IS going to be into computer games!!! And not “my little pony” or WebKins. I’m gonna raise her on Jedi Knight, and Neverwinter Nights, and System Shock 2!
...damnit!
*holds breath* |
"I'm not closed-minded, you're just WRONG." - Bucky Katt
My characters n portraits |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 30 Mar 2008 04:47 PM |
| Don't worry, at least yours will grow up as time goes on. Where I work, the kids that grow up are just replaced by younger ones. |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 30 Mar 2008 05:38 PM |
Hey BKatt, as one that has just recently taken the plunge let me say that 95% of the crap you are supposed to buy for your kid is unnecessary. 95% of the crap they tell you in books is BS. But before I go on CONGRATULATIONS! Being a dad is a blast. It is demanding, but worth it.
Get one book by Dr. Spock, and ignore the rest of the books that prey upon the female instinct to shop. That is just about all of them, BTW. When you have a pediatrician, treat them as the authority. Your wife however should probably read up on breast feeding as well. As natural as it is, it still has to be learned, and it ain't easy.
What does a baby need?
Diapers. Get cloth ones. You wash them every few days, but it beats the alternative.
Burp cloths and just cloths in general. The kid will spit up a lot, poop a lot, and other wise be in a constant state of mess. You need stuff to wipe all that up.
A few sets of clothes, and a couple swaddles. Most early parents go overboard in this department. It makes no sense given how fast a baby grows. The kid does not care how they look. Buy cheap. Borrow from friends and family. You must know some parents with older kids that have these to share. Don't waste your money. Don't buy it all. It is ridiculously expensive when in truth the kid just needs one or two swaddles or papouse's. In my mind, if it was good enough for huntergathers (who raise more intelligent children than modern westerners), it is good enough for you. But the wife will want five or six outfits that she will dress up the kid to show off the new baby to firends. Thats fine, but you gotta keep it under control. It will get out of control VERY fast if you don't put your foot down.
A towel. You probably already have plenty. But trust me, you always need a towel/blanket. It is useful for drying the kid, and when the kid needs tummy time (which is generally once a day at minimum if you want them to crawl by 6 months) and you are travelling the ol' towel comes in handy. You don't want to put the kid on the floor without something to cover up the dirt before they are out of that helpless infant stage - because getting sick at that time really really sucks.
A breast pump and glass bottles. Mom should pump enough milk for the kid so that you can find it when she is too busy or her nipples need a break.
An appropriately sized car seat if you are going to take the baby anywhere in a car (like home from the hospital). I know where you live so I doubt you'll be walking the kid everywhere. This will be an essential item.
And one place/thing for the kid to sleep in while you aren't watching them. We use an ambi-hamock instead of a crib because its smaller, portable, and cheaper. For the most part the kid sleeps with us in our bed - because my wife would rather not fully wake up every time the kid needs to eat, and I'd rather not have to walk to the nursery to change the kid at 3 in the morning. Its much easier to sleepwalk with the baby in your own bedroom to the dresser and change them there. This method has worked very very well and my sleep schedule hasn't changed dramatically since we had our baby.
Everything else is unnecessary. We have a few other things like a carrier (which I never use because I carry the kid in my arms everywhere), a stroller (ditto), a baby chair so he can join us at the table, and a plethora of german made baby toys. Better than all of those toys however is a towel for tummy time, Brandenburg Concertos (or any classical) for music listening with daddy, and a little freetime everyday after work to take him for a walk through the park.
Oh and one last thing, a tub with baby safe soap. The best tub for a baby is one of those big dish washing tubs. One, it will still be useful when the kid doesn't use it anymore. Two, it is the perfect size. Those stupid bathtubs (that my cousin bought us) that are only useful for the baby are a crime against humanity. Do not buy them. |
Famous last words:
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 30 Mar 2008 05:55 PM |
| Henesua to the rescue! |
WickedArtist: I think he needs a proper elf.
WickedArtist: A christmas elf!
Tasra: Any sort of elf that actually smiles ;o
Gasp! Scandalous!!! |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 30 Mar 2008 10:32 PM |
CONGRATULATIONS!! Being a father can be trying but it's also incredibly rewarding. The first goofy smile at you from your daughter will knock you through a loop.
Henesua has a lot of really good advice. In basic terms he's right about all of it: what you need and the degree you'll need it. I've found specifics on most baby advice to be more or less a "wait and see" proposition based on many, many personal variables. Some baby supplies we have now would have been impractical in our first apartment just based on space and floor layout. And every baby is different with different issues. My first daughter weaned herself from breastmilk after the first 8 months and my second has absolutely refused to take a bottle of any sort. That new set of bottles we got will go largely unused this time around. Some kids love to be swaddled; some hate it. My first daughter refused to sleep in her crib for the first 6 months, my second took to it immediately.
What I'm saying is everybody starts with the same rulebooks; know the rules; if it's available I highly recommend taking some classes that might be offered at your hospital. When it's time to use the rules, be ready to implement some "house rules" based on your situation and the baby's personality; it's important to know about and be willing to shift your options.
I could give a lot more specifics based on my experience, but honestly, you're better off talking to the experts local to you to gather particular information. |
T'mok Gurzi
Resident Gnoll Warlord
patron for the noble yet drink addled
Timik Gorozai the Mistake |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 31 Mar 2008 04:55 AM |
But she IS going to be into computer games!!! And not “my little pony” or WebKins. I’m gonna raise her on Jedi Knight, and Neverwinter Nights, and System Shock 2!
*Dryly* That doesn't work on geek girls. If she's gamer material, she'll never fall for anything so obvious. You need to get her a brother. Better start working on the next kid! |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 31 Mar 2008 11:54 AM |
| Perhaps leave the disks where she can't reach them, a sort of test. ;-) |
"Absolute precision buys the freedom to dream meaningfully." - Donal O' Shea: The Poincaré Conjecture. |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 01 Apr 2008 08:30 AM |
Stay at home dad here with a 2 and 1/2 year old and one more on the way in June.
I agree with most of what Hene has to say except for a couple of things.
I don't use cloth diapers. Sure when the kid is just eating breast milk all day they are easy to clean but watch out when they start eating solid foods. A friend of mine told me of a study that stated the amount of resources used to wash cloth diapers over and over almost outweights the environmental benifits. Granted I don't know if the study was funded by Huggies but its something to keep in mind.
Don't let your wife use a breast pump for the first couple of months. The problem is not with pumping but when she starts skipping feedings. Her body is set up to feed the little beast every two hours at first. If you start skipping feedings it will be very painfull.
As for baby crap you should buy. I always liked the baby carrier that you wear that has him facing outward on your chest. I think there called Baby Bjorns or something like that. It keeps your hands free for stuff and you can bite him if he is yelling to much ;P
Binkies, thats what we call them. Others might know them as pacifiers. I suggest finding the ones designed so they don't screw up thier teeth.
Start making food now and freezing it for later. The first couple of weeks you will be to tired to do much of anything.
I would be VERY careful with buying him music like Baby Beluga by RAffi. Not because its harmful but you will be stuck with those dang songs in your head FOREVER. My kid likes Slipknot. I think.
We also got my child these DVD's called Baby Signing Time. It teaches them basic sign language. Youngins can sign things before they can talk. Its really useful to help with the terrible twos.
OH and don't stress if your kid isn't walking or talking early. My kid has an extremely big head, it runs in the family, he didn't start crawling till almost a year. |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 01 Apr 2008 10:14 AM |
Cleaning diapers is not a major undertaking. One hour twice a week is what I spend cleaning all of the diapers (about 20 at one time). I use as much water as if I had taken a bath each time. All of the diapers are just as white as when we got them. You simply use a little bleach once every 6 weeks or so. People who triple or double wash their diapers are obsessive compulsive about cleanliness - or they run a diaper service and are worried about getting sued. Yes, these agencies use a lot of water, but its still better than using disposable diapers. So you could clean them yourself which costs you two hours a week and a tub of water, or you can pay a service to do it - and let them figure out how to be more efficient.
For the sake of civility, I cut out my rant on plastics and disposable diapers. The simple version - even if each cloth diaper required a tub of water to clean the world would be better off than it is with having to deal with even more plastic waste - and more demands on paper production. |
Famous last words:
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 01 Apr 2008 02:45 PM |
This should keep me amused on the train tomorrow.
*googles specific heat capacity of water...* |
"Absolute precision buys the freedom to dream meaningfully." - Donal O' Shea: The Poincaré Conjecture. |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 02 Apr 2008 05:19 AM |
whoohooo... I hit reply way back after T'mok's post... and got pulled away from the computer.. the next time I got back to it there were a few more.. didn't finnish then either.. next time, a few more.. rinse and repeat..
yada yada yada... and I'm finnaly just going to hit the post button.
but I just had to throw in that disclaimer, so that in case my post seems disjointed you will know why. heh
Thanks for the pointers everyone... even you Ficcy. :P
Hene,
yeah simpler is better as far as I'm concerned. I'm perhaps slightly concerned that we'll go a little overboard with stuff for our kid, but it's good to have reminders not to. (like the baby tub advice. you are right... unless we can get one as a hand me down, I can't see any reason why we should get one... and we -had- put one on the list. I've convinced my wife to take it off. It's sort of along the lines of buying a brides-maid dress that is so hideous, you will never ever wear it again... what is the point?)
She -has- been putting a lot of thought into stuff like a car seat, and stroller... the so called authorities say you need two or three different strollers for different situations, but she was just telling me that that seemed completely absurd to her, and although the car seat realy sounds like you need one specificaly for newborns, and then one for "regular" kids (no way around getting two and keeping your kid safe) for the strollers, she would rather pick just one. so we'll probably get a jogging stroller and use it for every-day stuff as well as when she goes running. (no wonder I married this woman... I love the way she thinks )
That and a baby sling or bjorn
We try to be concious about what we buy already... we don't eat fast food, only eat out once or twice a month, buy organic foods where we can (just not obsessively) recycle where we can, and in most cases try to buy things that will last... both in terms of how durable it is, and how useful it will stay. I wouldn't go as far to call us "save the planet" freaks or anything, but it just makes sense to try not to generate so much trash... and we'll likely use cloth diapers. are the resources needed to clean them justified? I think I agree with Hene here in that just cutting back on the plastic alone is worth it.
But she IS going to be into computer games!!! And not “my little pony” or WebKins. I’m gonna raise her on Jedi Knight, and Neverwinter Nights, and System Shock 2!
*Dryly* That doesn't work on geek girls. If she's gamer material, she'll never fall for anything so obvious. You need to get her a brother. Better start working on the next kid!
Well a brother is right out. :P
It was all I could do to say yes to one child, I don't know that I'll ever be able to make it a double.
But you have a point... I don't know the art of manipulation like females do. *smirk*
And where your suggestion is very funny Frimble... Perhaps leave the disks where she can't reach them, a sort of test. ;-) that made me laugh, thanks... I don't know how the female mind really works, and if that would even be effective. Yeah, kids always seem to want whatever the parents say they can't have, but is that enough?
So Ficcy, any pointers you have on how to encourage her without arousing her suspicions are certainly welcome.
But if your answer mainly consists of "get her a brother" ...har! not going to happen. (besides, with my family's track record, we would just have another girl)
DSM: I would be VERY careful with buying him music like Baby Beluga by RAffi. Not because its harmful but you will be stuck with those dang songs in your head FOREVER. My kid likes Slipknot. I think.
yeah... my kid is going to be raised on King's X. among others.
Actually I was just looking into this yesterday and found a few websites about kids music that doesn't suck. got some good ideas (here is one of the sites that I bookmarked)
because, yeah... I wan't to foster an apreciation for GOOD music... not bombard my child with stuff that will suck out their soul. (mine too for that matter)
and I'll look into the pacifier thing. |
"I'm not closed-minded, you're just WRONG." - Bucky Katt
My characters n portraits |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 02 Apr 2008 09:02 AM |
although the car seat realy sounds like you need one specificaly for newborns, and then one for "regular" kids (no way around getting two and keeping your kid safe)
Yes, this is one of those points I was making about finding things out locally: Here in Chicago at the hospital where my daughters were born I had to have an appropriate infant car seat (by the hospital's standards) installed correctly and inspected by a staff member to ensure its correct installation before we could take our children home. I installed ours correctly and passed "the test", but I had friends who were concerned enough about it that they took theirs to the local fire department to have one of the firepersons inspect it, which here in Chicago is a service they also perform. I don't know anything about standards concerning car seats elsewhere or how stringent they are in enforcing them.
These are the kinds of things hospital staff are supposed to ready you for so you know what to expect. They will be the best resource to tell you what you must do to be successful. All the rest you can nuance to fit your family's needs. Going through this a second time, I can tell you the experience is very different than the first, which leads me to believe it's different for everyone. I expect you will get a lot of advice, some wanted and some unwanted (read Dear Abby to get the gist of how grandparents feel entitled to tell you how to raise kids), try things out, try to figure out what works best and own it. Comparing experiences in raising kids is like comparing oranges to grapefruit -- not totally different, but different enough to say it's not an equal comparison. Besides such comparisons often result in ridiculous moralistic competitions (check out some baby forums and watch the posters verbally bludgeon each other over breast feeding versus formula).
In terms of specifics, there are some things above I could disagree with, but I feel it's too early to be comfortable to give you effective advice aside from the basics Henesua (note: not in preference to anything DSM said -- everybody has a different experience and needs) already outlined. Five to six months from now when you're in the thick of it and you know what the problems facing you are, come back and I'm sure you'll get a variety of options for solving that problem for you to try to see what works. I guess that's all. Have fun; good luck. |
T'mok Gurzi
Resident Gnoll Warlord
patron for the noble yet drink addled
Timik Gorozai the Mistake |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 02 Apr 2008 09:11 AM |
California seems to have the same situation with car seats that Timik pointed out. BUT here's the clincher: we found a seat that is fine for newborns AND older babies. I'll have to get that product information when I bother to go out to the car. It is possible to get a seat that will last you longer is my only point.
If you do get an infant specific one, however, check out those ones that also act as a carrier. They just click out of the harness and have a handle. I thought they were pretty cool. From car seat to house seat. |
Famous last words:
Mykal> it's my new wireless router.
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 02 Apr 2008 09:53 AM |
California seems to have the same situation with car seats that Timik pointed out. BUT here's the clincher: we found a seat that is fine for newborns AND older babies. I'll have to get that product information when I bother to go out to the car. It is possible to get a seat that will last you longer is my only point.
If you do get an infant specific one, however, check out those ones that also act as a carrier. They just click out of the harness and have a handle. I thought they were pretty cool. From car seat to house seat.
THOSE ARE THE BEST!!! You wouldn't believe how much hassle that alleviates! Getting the kids to and from the car has been the most annoying part of having kids for me for the past 2 years. Make sure you take advantage of anything that can help you. Because a 15 minute trip becomes an hour long affair with these rugrats trust me. |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 02 Apr 2008 10:00 AM |
California seems to have the same situation with car seats that Timik pointed out. BUT here's the clincher: we found a seat that is fine for newborns AND older babies. I'll have to get that product information when I bother to go out to the car. It is possible to get a seat that will last you longer is my only point.
If you do get an infant specific one, however, check out those ones that also act as a carrier. They just click out of the harness and have a handle. I thought they were pretty cool. From car seat to house seat.
THOSE ARE THE BEST!!! You wouldn't believe how much hassle that alleviates! Getting the kids to and from the car has been the most annoying part of having kids for me for the past 2 years. Make sure you take advantage of anything that can help you. Because a 15 minute trip becomes an hour long affair with these rugrats trust me.
Amen, brother. Going anywhere makes me feel like I'm herding cats.
Dual function is usually the way to go. Saves money, space, and usually time. I've got one of those seats; it's a Graco (model probably changes every year). |
T'mok Gurzi
Resident Gnoll Warlord
patron for the noble yet drink addled
Timik Gorozai the Mistake |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 03 Apr 2008 09:08 AM |
And where your suggestion is very funny Frimble... Perhaps leave the disks where she can't reach them, a sort of test. that made me laugh, thanks... I don't know how the female mind really works, and if that would even be effective. Yeah, kids always seem to want whatever the parents say they can't have, but is that enough?
I concede it probably wouldn't work. Most schools of psychology seem to agree that if she sees you playing those games she will want to join in though.
I did some very rough calculations, comparing the energy required (and therefore the carbon dioxide produced), by manufacturing and transporting disposable nappies (I refuse to use American dialect) with heating a bath full of water. I conclude that the values are indeed very similar. It basically comes down to how many thousand miles the lorries have to travel. I agree with Henesua that if you include the problems involved in disposing of plastics, cloth nappies will most likely be more environmentally friendly. |
"Absolute precision buys the freedom to dream meaningfully." - Donal O' Shea: The Poincaré Conjecture. |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 03 Apr 2008 09:39 AM |
| Frimble you aren't even coming close to all the issues involved with disposable diapers. Run some calcs on Material harvest, Manufacture, Transportation and Disposal. |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 03 Apr 2008 01:17 PM |
Well a brother is right out. :P
It was all I could do to say yes to one child, I don't know that I'll ever be able to make it a double.
I missed that. Only one? Lets see what you say after the first.... |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 03 Apr 2008 01:55 PM |
Frimble you aren't even coming close to all the issues involved with disposable diapers. Run some calcs on Material harvest, Manufacture, Transportation and Disposal.
Transportation (pre and post manufacture), manufacture, and disposal I have pretty much covered. I did forget cotton harvesting and fertilization though. I'll have my chemistry textbooks with me tomorrow, they should have enough data for these areas. Will recalculate... |
"Absolute precision buys the freedom to dream meaningfully." - Donal O' Shea: The Poincaré Conjecture. |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 03 Apr 2008 03:56 PM |
| Don't forget to check on the alignment of the stars. |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 04 Apr 2008 02:11 AM |
And where your suggestion is very funny Frimble... Perhaps leave the disks where she can't reach them, a sort of test. ;-) that made me laugh, thanks... I don't know how the female mind really works, and if that would even be effective. Yeah, kids always seem to want whatever the parents say they can't have, but is that enough?
Leave them in plain sight and let her pick them up on her own. Otherwise she might make a mess in her efforts to get to them. If she's that determined, she will probably demolish anything in her path.
So Ficcy, any pointers you have on how to encourage her without arousing her suspicions are certainly welcome.
But if your answer mainly consists of "get her a brother" ...har! not going to happen.
You're better off asking someone who managed to talk the missus into having more than one kid (like PDW or Mykal). I'm a geek; I don't understand the minds of (normal) women either.
From a scientific viewpoint I suppose exploiting hard-wired biological weaknesses (romance and candlelight and slow dancing and all that other stuff they do in those weepy movies the women seem to like so much) might work. Unfortunately, results are not guaranteed because of the major unpredictability of female hormones. For example, if a butterfly flaps its wings on the far side of the world, it could cascade into a chain reaction which will cause a storm in your vicinity which could put her in a bad mood. |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 04 Apr 2008 05:33 PM |
| You can always hope she'll take after her father and have a natural inclination to computers, video games and other geeky things. I am continuously surprised myself at how I am like my own dad in many aspects (that dawning moment that you are like one of your parents must be traumatic for any son or daughter), and we like many of the same things; and he never really influenced me into liking them, I just did. |
WickedArtist: I think he needs a proper elf.
WickedArtist: A christmas elf!
Tasra: Any sort of elf that actually smiles ;o
Gasp! Scandalous!!! |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 04 Apr 2008 09:08 PM |
| Ficcy is complicated. |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 04 Apr 2008 09:55 PM |
Ficcy is complicated.
= Ficcy is a girl <duh> ;) |
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Re: how the #%@ should -I- know?
Posted: 04 Apr 2008 10:01 PM |
| I thought Ficcy was a gnome. |
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