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Hyperparenting
Posted: 07 Aug 2006 03:41 PM |
Here's an article that all of us with young kids should take a look at.
I'm constantly surprised at how resiliant my three year old is, but I only see that when I don't immiedately rush to his aid everytime he thinks something is wrong. It's simply amazing to see him work things out for himself, and to see the pride he gets from figuring things out for himself.
And I'm sure Pdawg would agree. *grins* |
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.
-Henry David Thoreau
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Re: Hyperparenting
Posted: 07 Aug 2006 05:05 PM |
Good article, Mykal.
Kids are a lot more resilient than most (what I call) uber parents give them credit for and they are highly adaptable if you let them be. They are adapting machines. If they have to cope with problems themselves they do quite well. Even when my daughter is trying to halt bed time I can recognize her various strategies such as the diversionary tactic (oh, look what's on TV, daddy), the delay (crawling up the stairs), cuteness (how about I give you lots of hugs instead), being dismissive (oh no, that's just silly), playing lame (oh, my leg, it hurts, I need a band aid) or even being a rules lawyer (no, it's not bed time. We haven't read a book, had a glass of milk, and you haven't set the timer to indicate bedtime yet). It can be annoying, but I'm glad she's so engaged in finding workarounds and loopholes to the rules we've established. |
T'mok Gurzi
Resident Gnoll Warlord
patron for the noble yet drink addled
Timik Gorozai the Mistake |
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Re: Hyperparenting
Posted: 07 Aug 2006 07:05 PM |
Moving to the Seattle area has been a real boon for my six year old, because here, they let children play outside.
I kid you not. Virginia - where we last lived - had a state law that children under 8 were not allowed outside without direct parental supervision at ALL times, and then, from ages 8 - 12, were only allowed outside for ONE HOUR in the company of friends. Even in the front yard.
Virginia really fostered the notion that, unless a parent was watching their child's every move and every choice - even making those choices for him/her through the act of play groups/ after school activities/ organized activity scheduling, then your child would become developmentally challenged, deliquent and neglected.
Any parent who's tried to live this life knows how insane it is. I'm happier now that he's able to freely go to his friends house to play there, with someone his age who actually appreciates the sorts of activities that involve transforming into water-elemental powered Super Rangers with invisible magic laser guns. |
"I've got a sword and it's a good one, but all the bleedin' thing can do is keep someone alive, listen. A song can keep someone immortal!" - Cohen the Barbarian |
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Re: Hyperparenting
Posted: 07 Aug 2006 08:03 PM |
| *Is happy his first kid is still not crawling.* |
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Re: Hyperparenting
Posted: 07 Aug 2006 08:26 PM |
*Wonders if these "nice" parents really exist.*
*Dismisses the thought and goes back to being restricted.*
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WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE |
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Re: Hyperparenting
Posted: 07 Aug 2006 10:12 PM |
Moving to the Seattle area has been a real boon for my six year old, because here, they let children play outside.
I kid you not. Virginia - where we last lived - had a state law that children under 8 were not allowed outside without direct parental supervision at ALL times, and then, from ages 8 - 12, were only allowed outside for ONE HOUR in the company of friends. Even in the front yard.
What what what?!!?!??!?!?
((I must preface the following post with an appology to the other American players. I am a huge critic of American culture, and cantankerous about it. None of this is meant as a personal attack against any of you. I am just venting.... sooo to continue....))
Man I am glad I live on the west coast. But it ain't all roses over here either.
Even though kids are allowed to play outside here, and the Bay Area of California has historically been laid back (meaning that it was when I grew up - and is no longer), I have noticed a HUGE shift in attitudes here since the 90's. I do a lot of work designing playgrounds, green school yards and kitchen gardens for public and private schools. I've also done a fair amount of installation when I was younger. An important part of this work involves facilitating public meetings to collect public input in the design process, and provide a forum for response. Doing this work I have been surprised at the HYPERPARENTS I have to deal with, and the utter absurdity of their concerns. I have had great designs cut to ribbons by these fear mongering busy bodies. Some examples....
- I've had to remove benches from the plan for the yard because they are afraid children will trip over them. And then put them back in again when they realize that the children need seating. And then argue over this as the committee struggles over the conundrum. In the end I usually just lay my hands down on the table and tell them where I will put the seating and end that discusion.
- I have had parents call with questions about the decomposed granite surface in the garden area wondering about its carcinogenic properties. And I think "Did you ever play baseball? Don't you remember the sandy/rocky stuff in the infield that you ate when you slid into second?"
- Another complaint they often have is with the traffic they deal with when they drop off their kids, and they have asked that we take up some of the precious outdoor space the kids have to convert it into a drop off/parking area. I wonder, "Why can't these idiots teach their obesse children to walk the four blocks to school?" I am talking Oakland and Berkeley here... there are enough schools that your kid typically doesn't have to walk more than a mile to school. When I grew up parents rarely if ever drove their kids to school. Now almost every parent drives their kid to school because they are afraid of child molesters.
- Another good one... trees that drop stuff. Even little tiny things, or leaves. About this I hear the concern that their children will play with the seed pod or the leaves or the berries etc... And I want to say...this is a problem? Are the kids not supposed to have fun? Should the yard not have trees and just be an asphalt hot box?
I could go on all day. But what can you do but laugh? This is the world we live in. You gotta deal with it.
Sometimes I consider moving to Brasil... now that I'm married to a Brasilian I am on the way to getting Brasilian citizenship. I'll be able to keep my American citizenship too. So sweet! I just think how great it would be too change my job to nursing and live on a farm in Minas Gerais. At least then the kids will have immune systems that are prepared for a normal environment rather than the increasingly sanitized one that Americans demand.
Anyone read the piece in National Geographic on allergies some months back? Very interesting read.... |
Famous last words:
Mykal> it's my new wireless router.
* > Mykal has quit (Ping timeout)
Vulpina> Hey!! IRC didn't boot m.....
* > Vulpina has quit (Exit: DarkMyst WebChat) |
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Re: Hyperparenting
Posted: 07 Aug 2006 10:21 PM |
Anyone read the piece in National Geographic on allergies some months back? Very interesting read....
Yeah, I read that one. It's like George Carlin says, "We are all dirty." |
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.
-Henry David Thoreau
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Re: Hyperparenting
Posted: 08 Aug 2006 01:46 AM |
I totally agree with everything you put forth
Children tripping over benches? they'll trip over their own feet first. kids can deal
Carcinogenic granite in the garden? OK, stop cooking on the barbecue grill if you care about that. People hear things and panic; they don't know the science or reason behind it.
Traffic?? oh whine, whine. yeah, their kids can walk and deal with whatever meager distance is involved and if their afraid of Chester the Molester then they can arrange walking together groups just as well as carpools. The world isn't as bad as we suppose it is.
Tree seed pods and leaves? C'mon, if your child can't survive a tree and it's annual processes then maybe your whole tribe should be extinct.
Sometimes my wife is a hyperparent. I stop that as soon as possible because I don't believe life is about fear. I want my daughter to see possibilities even greater than I can imagine |
T'mok Gurzi
Resident Gnoll Warlord
patron for the noble yet drink addled
Timik Gorozai the Mistake |
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Re: Hyperparenting
Posted: 08 Aug 2006 01:50 AM |
I too an a huge critic of American culture, and cantankerous about it, so I'm not offended in the least.
I had the joy of facing our son's school principal when she brought her little Virginia State Law card to read to me, and deal with her condescending looks of "how dare you so horribly endanger your child" as she explained the ludicrous laws to be. I pointed out, almost gleefully, that we were going to be moving to Washington very shortly, but apologized for not knowing the law and got this sort of exasperated "Oh, well, it's the law there too!".
Our neighbors love the fact that Elias will just come over and ask to play with kids... and when he trips, falls and scrapes up, we play the "shake it off" game, and he's fine. Imagine that.
I'm such a horrible parent.
G |
"Always looking for the line" |
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Re: Hyperparenting
Posted: 08 Aug 2006 02:34 AM |
those are state laws in virginia?
Is this the same country that produced "Tom Sawyer"?
It truely boggles the mind.
- Paul |
Purpose in life: finding better ways of allowing players to kill themselves. Repeatedly.
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"...Cause he mixes it with love
And makes the world taste good."
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<@James42> Lawful good isn't in your vocabulary, it's on your menu.
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Re: Hyperparenting
Posted: 08 Aug 2006 01:28 PM |
| No part of America produced Tom Sawyer. Mark Twain did, and although he was and is American his ideas do not reflect the status quo. In fact, Mark Twain had to often sneak his writting past the censors. His Adventures of Huck Finn is still censored in some former slave states. |
Famous last words:
Mykal> it's my new wireless router.
* > Mykal has quit (Ping timeout)
Vulpina> Hey!! IRC didn't boot m.....
* > Vulpina has quit (Exit: DarkMyst WebChat) |
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Re: Hyperparenting
Posted: 08 Aug 2006 02:46 PM |
| But in Mark Twain's day America was notoriously under-regulated. It would be nice to have some moderation actually. I mean, we don't need children working as slaves in factories again but we also don't need laws that prosecute a mother for using expired sunscreen on her child. |
T'mok Gurzi
Resident Gnoll Warlord
patron for the noble yet drink addled
Timik Gorozai the Mistake |
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Re: Hyperparenting
Posted: 08 Aug 2006 03:59 PM |
I am a crusader against hyperparenting. I long for the days of my youth, when you could play in a vacant lot, ride in the back of a pickup truck, run with the kids of the neighborhood and have fun being a kid. I strive to leave time every day for my two-year old to be able to do nothing... I think too many parents try to structure their children's time to the point where they can't think for themselves anymore. One of the reasons that my show is so successful is because it demands that kids use their imaginations, something that most children are finding less and less of a use for as they play with toys that come with ready-made plotlines and preconceived characters. When their kids actually pretend to be something and have fun doing it, most parents are amazed and wonder if I do birthday parties... which, of course, means they missed the whole point. *arg*
Sorry, bit of a sore subject for me.
-VK |
"You know, a gong. Large, flat object that you hit when you want things. Sort of like a waiter, but less portable."
-Radra |
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Re: Hyperparenting
Posted: 08 Aug 2006 08:28 PM |
| I'm with you VK. Power to the crusader! |
Famous last words:
Mykal> it's my new wireless router.
* > Mykal has quit (Ping timeout)
Vulpina> Hey!! IRC didn't boot m.....
* > Vulpina has quit (Exit: DarkMyst WebChat) |
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Re: Hyperparenting
Posted: 08 Aug 2006 09:44 PM |
Are you like a pre-Vidus Crusader, or a post-Vidus Crusader? :p
With the experiece I've had on the ambulance, you see so many calls for people wanting a freaking AMBULANCE for their kids cough. Or scrape. Or boo boo. The overriding message we give when we get a call like that is, "If they're under 25, they'll bounce." (However, once you get past that age, you DO start splatting...) |
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Re: Hyperparenting
Posted: 08 Aug 2006 10:09 PM |
| yes, I feel particularly splattable |
T'mok Gurzi
Resident Gnoll Warlord
patron for the noble yet drink addled
Timik Gorozai the Mistake |
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Re: Hyperparenting
Posted: 27 Nov 2006 04:36 PM |
I love my dad for his timeless wisdom when I was a child.
"Walk it off."
And now its...
"Walk it off you little bitch."
That may sound harsh but my father doesn't want to raise a bunch sissy's. I remember doing all sorts of dangerous stuff and getting hurt, my dad would just laugh and say...
"Sharp as a marble that boy."
Well... He hasn't quit saying that one.
Learn by doing. |
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