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Half a cleric - The story of Perin Landwalker
Posted: 12 Jul 2004 04:56 PM |
All was quiet as usual on the shores of Lake Ladriel; the sun had risen high above the tower and cast its bright glare to be broken into thousands of parts by the surface of the water.
Nothing disturbed the calm but the birdsong and the sound of the light breeze wafting over the water.
Nothing until the sound of laughter as the young halfling lass ran along the shoreline after the brightly coloured butterfly.
“C’mere pretty! I won’t ‘urt yer, I only want ter look!”
In and out of the trees and bushes along the shoreline she dodged, almost catching it several times but never quite managing it, and never quite losing the enjoyment of the chase.
Then the insect disappeared from sight and she slowed, looking around to try and see it once more among the flowers and reads along the lake’s edge.
She saw it again, sunning itself on a low branch overhanging the water, and crept towards it, whispering as she did.
“Now I see yer, can’t get away now yer can’t… C’mere!” With which she leapt towards the branch just as the insect took off again, grabbed for the branch, but missed and found herself overbalancing into the water.
As she went under she thrashed her arms, trying to regain the surface but becoming entangled instead in the dense weeds. Kicking out only seemed to make things worse and she started to swallow water as she became more and more caught up and continued to struggle.
Then, just as all seemed lost, a strong hand grabbed the neck of her robe and pulled her bodily from the water onto the shore of the lake.
She lay there for some moments, coughing and spitting water as she tried to recover and focus her eyes.
“Rest easy child, get your breath back and you will be fine.”
Perin nodded, and having at last coughed up the remainder of what she had swallowed, lifted her head to look up at the woman who had spoken.
“Fanks miss, fort I was a goner there fer a minute,” she said, looking into the green eyes which gazed down at her.
The woman lowered herself to sit before the halfling.
“Long ways from home aren’t you little one?”
“Not really miss, I come ‘ere lots – I like it ‘ere wiv all the plants an’ the animals an’ stuff. It’s pretty ‘ere ain’t it?”
“Yes, yes it is,” smiled the woman.
“Mum an’ Dad fink I’m daft, they say I oughter spend more time ‘elpin’ out on the farm but it ain’t the same as comin’ ere. Sometimes I even go out ter the dock an’ look across the water, tryin’ ter see the elves. Can’t go tho’, can’t afford it an’ me folks say it’s a waste of money.”
“Well, perhaps one day, who knows?”
“Yep. Tha’s right. I’m goin’ one day. I wants ter see the temple an’ stuff.”
“The temple?” said the woman, looking at her quizzically, “Why would you want to do that?”
“Ter sees the statue miss, the one of Elbreff.”
“Elbereth you mean?”
“Yep, tha’s ‘er, I mean made all this did’n she? Mus’ be worf seein’ that I reckon.”
“Odd for a halfling like yourself to show such an interest in Elbereth, child.”
“Tha’s what me mum ‘n dad says, says I’m a dreamer. So does our Tom, me bruvver. Says I should’n be wastin’ me time finkin’ about stuff like that.”
“But I says, ‘We’re farmers ain’t we? We look after nature and stuff like that don’ we? An’ all the books says Elbreff loves farmers don’ they miss?”
The woman chuckled heartily, “Yes, child, they do and I suppose she does.”
“I knew I was right, miss, an’ I don’ fink she’d mind if I was ter worship ‘er instead of Kaldair d’you?”
“I don’t think she’d mind one little bit.”
“I knew that too miss,” said the girl looking up at the sun, “anyways, I’d best be getting’ back ‘fore I’m in trouble. Fanks again miss.”
“You are welcome, little one.” Said the woman, helping the halfling to her feet and taking up a long staff. “Tell me, what is your name?”
“Perin, miss. Perin Landwalker.”
“Well off you go, child, be safe.”
“An’ you miss, can I ask yer name too miss?”
“You can, but you already know it child. Run along now.”
With which the woman faded away, to be replaced by the sound of light laughter on the breeze.
“Cor!” said Perin. |
Elvalia - Chosen of Aros
Elrith Mellin
Perin - 'Cleric (an' drewid) o' Elbreff' Weddin's an' pies a speciarality
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Goblins an' Mum an' Dad an' our Tom
Posted: 15 Jul 2004 06:30 AM |
After her encounter with Elbereth, Perin strolled happily back along the path to Brandibuck.
“That’ll show ‘em, tol’ em Elbreff looks after us as well as the Elfies.”
“Jus’ cos we’re rightsize don’ mean we can’ choose ‘oo we wan’ ter foller. I tol’ ‘em that all along but they wouldn’ listen. Jus’ wait till I tell ‘em ‘bout this!”
She carried on walking, water still dripping from her clothes, deep in thought.
As she got closer to the Vale she noticed a difference in the air and looked up to see smoke rising above the trees ahead.
“Oh ‘eck! Wha’s ‘appened now?” She said to herself, breaking into a run.
Running into the Vale she stopped short, surveying the scene in front of her.
Dead livestock lay here and there, crops in some of the fields had been trampled, and inside the walls, flame and smoke climbed up from one or two of the buildings.
She ran around the gate past the apothecary’s and up to some of the guards passing buckets of water to put out a fire.
“Wha’s ‘appened lads? ‘Oo done it?”
“Goblins lass, came out o’ Mirghul an’ caused a bit of ‘avoc but we managed ter fight ‘em off, eventurally.”
“Anybody get ‘urt?”
“Dunno, some maybe, an’ there’s talk some got carried off. Bes’ ask at the pub, Winky’s been ‘oldin’ a count I fink.”
She ran over to the inn and walked through the door, passing various halflings being bandaged, others drowning their sorrows in ale or discussing the latest events.
Finding Winky standing in his usual position at the bar, scribbling busily on stacks of parchment laid out before him, she pulled on his jerkin.
“Oi, anybody ded Winky?”
He looked around and gazed at her, “Perin ain’t it?" don’ see yer much in ‘ere lass.”
“Don’ drink tha’s why, ‘cept water, you seen me mum an’ dad or our Tom?”
“Nope, ‘ang on an’ I’ll ‘ave a look at me lists.”
Perin waited impatiently as he ran the quill down the parchment he had been working on. “Ah, ‘ere it is… Landwalker, “ he looked round at her sadly, “I’m sorry lass, free missin’”
“Miisin’? What d’yer mean missin’?” she asked as tears began to form in her eyes.
“Can’ find ‘em lass, “ said Winky quietly, “Been taken mos’ like.”
“Taken! By the goblins? Well le’s get ‘em back! Whacher doin’ jus’ standin’ ‘ere when folks is missin’?”
“We can’ lass, it’s too late, they’d be deep below Mirghul by now an’ there ain’t enuff of us ter go down there.”
“Then give us a stick an’ I’ll go an’ get ‘em! I ain’t scared!”
Windy laid a hand on her shoulder, “Ain’t a case o’ bein’ scared Perin, It’s too late tha’s what I mean. They… they mos’ probly be ded already. There ain’t nuffink anybody can do now.”
Perin sank to the ground and covered her face with her hands as Winky crouched in front of her.
“Go an’ take a seat lass, ‘ave sumfink ter eat till I can fin’ somebody ter take yer in.
“Nope,” she said looking up at him, “I don’ need no one, I know what I’m goin’ ter do.”
“Yer can’t live on yer own lass, ‘ow yer goin’ ter run a farm on yer own, even when it is built up again?”
“I ain’t goin’ ter be no farmer, if yer want yer can ‘ave what’s left o’ it. Give us the munny an’ it’ll give me a start. I can get some gear wiv it.”
“Gear fer what? What yer plannin’?”
“Get meself some armer tha’s what,” she said, looking at him defiantly, “an p’raps a shield an’ a stick an then I’m goin’ ter ‘ave meself a bit of a pray.”
Winky was by now looking completely mystified, trying hard to hold back laughter.
“Pray? Pray fer what? Why yer goin’ ter do that?”
“Goin’ ter pray ter Elbreff. See if she wan’s a priestess. See if she wan’s somebody what can ‘elp people an’ do a bit o’ good.”
Winky broke into a broad grin. “Elbreff, what yer want ter pray ter ‘er fer? Yer ain’t no Elfie. Yer daft lass, what makes yer fink she’d want the likes o’ someone…”
“COS SHE TOL’ ME THA’S WHY!” shouted Perin angrily, “SHE TOL’ ME SHE’D LOOK AFTER ME AN’ SHE ALREADY ‘AS SO THERE!”
Calming a little she held out her hand to Winky who by now was chuckling uncontrollably.
“Jus’ give us some munny fer me farm an’ I’ll be off. One day yer’ll believe me mate. I’m goin ter rite it all down an’ one day – when yer learnt ter read – yer’ll see I was right.”
“Orl right lass, orl right, ‘ere take it, “ he said, dropping some gold into her palm. “I think yer cracked but I wish yer luck.”
Grasping the gold tightly Perin gave him one last defiant stare then turned and stormed out of the pub.
Behind her Winky looked across at a group of halflings who dissolved into hysterics as he tapped the side of his head with his finger and said with a grin, “We won’ ‘old our breff tho’ will we lads?” |
Elvalia - Chosen of Aros
Elrith Mellin
Perin - 'Cleric (an' drewid) o' Elbreff' Weddin's an' pies a speciarality
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Re: Goblins an' Mum an' Dad an' our Tom
Posted: 15 Jul 2004 08:19 AM |
((great story! Funny accent!! and I like how Perin 'acts' ingame, keep up the good stuff!!!))
Sug |
"ehehehehe,.."
Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. |
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The dire of PerIN LaNdWalKEr
Posted: 15 Jul 2004 08:34 AM |
As I tol’ that Winkee, I’m goin’ ter rite down everfink what ‘appens ter me so one day ‘e’ll know I was tellin’ the trufe.
I fort afterwards as well that some folk might wan’ ter read it an’ learn stuff.
(Those what can read that is, I know as there is some folk what can’ read an’ rite an’ if yer ask me those what can don’ always spell proper)
Anyways….
It ain’t easy ritin’, speciarally since this quil keeps breakin’ an’ I ain’t all that clever wiv sharp stuff. I already cut meself free times an’ nearly los’ a finger so if yer see red stuff it ain’t me breakfas’ it’s me blud.
DAY WUN
I woke up this mornin’ in a pub, called the Fore Wins, dunno why cos I didn’ win nuffink. Praps I got ‘ere too late an’ missed the darts match, no wun wanted ter play.
Anyways…
I come ‘ere cos someone on the road tol’ me it was a good place ter start lookin’ fer jobs an’ folk what need ‘elp. Sure enuff they was right cos in no time I ‘ad some armer, a shield an’ a stick ter ‘it stuff wiv an’ I was on me way.
Yer mite be wundrin’ ‘ow come I can be a priestess wivout spells an’ stuff.
It’s a funny fing but I been sayin’ me prayers an’ stuff an’ it mus’ be workin’ cos I foun’ out that if I wiggel me fingers a bit I can chuck spells about. I ain’t much good at it yet but ‘oo knows.
I noticed too that every time I wiggel me fingers funny noises come out of me mouf. It’s a bit embarassin’ but nobody seems ter min’. I fink it mite be Elfie talk but I ain’t sure. I know when wun of ‘em talks I can’ unnerstan’ a word of it.
Anyways…
I got a dog.
There I was wiggelin’ me fingers an talkin’ stuff an’ this dirty great ‘ound comes runnin’ up. Sumbody tol’ me it was a wolf but I ain’t so sure cos he ain’t tried ter eat me yet.
I called ‘im Fred, cos I ‘ad an unkel called that an’ me mum said ‘e was a bit of a dog so there yer go. The dog don’ seem ter min’ anyhow.
Anyways…
After I bort me gear sumwun said there was a place near the Fore Wins where there was ghosties an’ stuff. I fort now I’m a priestess it mite be a good idea ter go an’ ‘ave a look an’ sort ‘em out.
They was rite but they was a bit rong too.
I foun’ some ghosties in a pub but nowun tol’ me there was farm tools an’ weppuns an’ stuff flyin’ aroun’ doin’ their own fing.
It’s a good job I got a dog now cos Fred came in ‘andy an’ killed some what nearly ‘ad me ‘ead off. When I get some more cash I fink I’ll ‘ave ter get a bigger stick.
You won’t believe Winkee ‘ow weird this place was. I foun’ sum weird brane on legs what tried ter mess about wiv my branes, luckily I was too intellergent for it an’ Fred et it.
Then fings got even’ weirderer. I foun’ this big ‘ouse wiv a semertree outside it an’ fort I’d best nip in an’ sort fings out. There was loads o’ ghosties in there but me an’ Fred dun ‘em in. Strange fing was the furnerture seemed ter be a bit unappy wiv me an’ ‘ad a go at me too.
S’alright tho’ cos Fred got ‘em.
Wun good fing about bein’ a priestess an’ ‘elpin’ folk is it’s surprisin’ ‘ow much stuff folk leave lyin’ aroun’
I pikked up so much stuff I could ‘ardly walk. I fort I mite sell it an’ get sum munny ter ‘elp folk wiv. Trubble was I didn’ know what ‘alf of it was for an’ I wasn’ goin’ ter let folk buy it till I was sure. You can’ trus’ no wun ‘ere.
Lukkerly I ran inter this bloke, ‘pparently ‘is name is Loofer. At firs’ I fort he wanted me to ‘elp ‘im ‘ave a barf till I cort on.
Anyways…
Turned out this Loofer is a monk an’ knew what ‘all the gear I was carryin’ was for so ‘e ain’t a bad bloke fer a bigun. Turns out I can use sum of it to make me better at ‘elpin folk. I’ll sell the res’ fer munny an’ give it away ter folk what needs it.
Since ‘e was so ‘elpful I gave Loofer a pair o’ monk boots. ‘E didn’ wan’ ter take ‘em but I made ‘im.
Wun good turn deserves annuvver.
(Besides Winkee, I didn’ tell ‘im but ‘e was such a big bloke I don’ fink they’ll fit ‘im.)
Anyways…
I ‘ave ter stop ritin’ now cos there ain’t much lef’ o’ me quil. I can’ get anuvver yet cos the shops is shut.
I got ter pray too cos Elbreff liked what I done today so much she gave me sum new spells ter chuck aroun’
I’ll rite sum more tomorrer but fer now may the ‘Oly Muvver watch over yer.
(cos no wun else will) |
Elvalia - Chosen of Aros
Elrith Mellin
Perin - 'Cleric (an' drewid) o' Elbreff' Weddin's an' pies a speciarality
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Re: The dire of PerIN LaNdWalKEr
Posted: 15 Jul 2004 12:35 PM |
I should be able ter rite a bit more terday cos I bort too quils, which is jus’ as well cos a lot ‘appened.
DAY TOO
I met a new mate terday, she’s a rightsize too so she’s alright, ‘er name is Merri. It’s not ‘er reel name which is much longer but I can’ rite it cos it’s a bit fancy. I can’ even say it but she don’ seem ter min’ which is jus’ as well.
She ‘elped me do me ‘elpin an’ I ‘elped ‘er do some stuff too. Wun fing what worries me is that she does seem ter be a bit lightfingered. This is good an’ bad, its ‘andy if yer fin’ a trap. Sum folks seem ter leave ‘em lyin’ aroun fer fun, speciallery in cripts an’ tooms. Seems ter be a was’ o’ time ter me cos it don’ seem ter stop the deduns an’ ghosties wandrin’ aroun’.
Anyways…
I woke up again this mornin’ in the Fore Wins (I still ain’t ‘ad a game o’ darts) an’ the nome what owns it – ‘e’s nicer’n you Winkee – sed there’s a town jus’ down the road called Port Royarl or sumfink. E sed it wasn’ far so I decided ter take Fred fer a walk an’ ‘ave a look.
Let me tell yer Winkee I fort that ghosties villige was weird but this place is weirderer. They all live in big ‘ouses made out o’ bits o’ rock an’ there ain’t a roun’ door in site.
Like I sed, weird.
Anyways…
The grub ain’t bad an’ I foun’ a pub called the Broken Mask (I looked but I couldn’ find one) an’ ad a good dinner but I wished I hadn’t.
I ran inter this bloke called Antonio ‘oo asked me if I wanted ter go on a bote. I ain’t ever dun that before so I fort I’d give it a go.
‘E said the bote was goin’ sumwhere called Midor which is where a lot o’ biguns live. I fort I need ter practice wiv boats so I can go ter Fairayne so I gave ‘im sum cash an’ off we went.
It was a BIG mistake.
I don’ care if I never ‘ave ter go on anuvver bote again. I ain’t felt so ill since the las’ time I ate wun o’ your pies. Everyfing moves up an’ down an’ side ter side an’ I didn’ like it wun bit. I only jus’ got off the bote in time ter say ‘ello again ter me dinner. That was a waste o’ munny but I spect the fishes enjoyed it. Must o’ looked good cos Fred looked unappy ‘e didn’ get nun. I dunno cos I ‘ad me eyes closed.
Nex’ time I fink I’ll buy a map an’ walk
Anyways…
Midor is anuvver weird place.
Everybody walks roun’ like they’s scared o’ sumfink, I dunno what. I ‘ad a quick look fer ghosties an’ such but couldn’ see nun. Mus’ be sumfink dodgy tho’ cos there’s lots o’ biguns walkin’ aroun’ wiv armer on. There’s a big tempel there but I didn’ go in cos they said it ain’t Elbreff’s an’ I fort she wouldn’ be ‘appy if I did.
‘pparently they all follers a god called Midriff or sumfink which is ‘ow the town got its name: Mid – or – sumfink, but they’re lazy an’ use the short name.
Uvverwise it ain’t much ter talk about.
It’s good fer shoppin’ tho’.
Anyways…
I took a walk off out o’ the town an came ter sum place called the Grate Planes, tha’s where I met Merri.
We ‘ad a bit of a chat, an’ spent sum time sidin’ what ter do (It was good ter talk ter sumwun wiv sum sense again).
Winkee yer wouldn’ believe ‘ow many folk aroun’ this place ‘ave fings they need ‘elp wiv. Merri sed she new sum littel girl what ‘ad los’ ‘er teddy. I sed I’d ‘elp ‘er fin’ it. Turns out she los’ it down a big ‘ole in town called a sooer (don’ ask Winkee, I don’ know why she wen’ down there).
It pongs a bit down there an’ there’s lots o’ rats, (rats is big mice wiv bad tempers) even sum what walk aroun’ on there back legs like sum folk.
We foun’ a ded bloke down there wiv a key, I ain’t sure wevver the rats got ‘im or the smell but let me tell yer I’m glad I’d already los’ me dinner. We used the key ter get ter anuvver part of the sooer (the smell was worser) an’ after Fred an’ Merri an’ me sorted out sum more rats we foun’ the teddy ‘an took it back ter the littel girl.
In return fer my ‘elp Merri sed she’d ‘elp me get rid o’ sum deduns I ‘eard about.
So we wen’ an’ ‘eaded fer the Midor cript. We was surprised cos we ‘ad ter fite some uvver stuff firs’ ter get ter it. I don’ know what all them blokes in armer is doin’ in Midor but if yer ask me they’d be better off getting’ out o’ town once in a while.
Anyways…
Like I said we ‘ad ter fite sum uvver stuff what was littel lizard men – don’ larf its troo – they look a bit like noots but believe me they fite a lot ‘arder.
S’alright tho’ the ones we didn’ get Fred et
Anyways…
We got ter the cript an’ there was a load o’ deduns wandrin’ aroun’ in the semertree. Guess what Winkee? Turns out all I ‘ad ter do was talk a load o’ rubbish an’ wiggel me fingers an’ mos’ of ‘em dropped down dedder than they were before. ‘Andy that, leas’ tha’s what Merri said.
There was lots o’ deduns in the cript too (surprise surprise I ‘ear you say) an’ we sorted the ones I couldn’ kill by wiggelin at.
I’m goin’ ter rite a letter ter the bloke in charge in Midor cos there’s a gate in the cript that slams shut behin’ yer. It took us ages ter open it again an’ in the interests o’ safety I reckon the leas’ ‘e can do is put a notice up warnin’ folk about it. Failin’ that he could always send one o’ them fellers in armer roun’ ter fix it, they don’ look like they ‘ave much else ter do.
Anyways…
By now we was feelin’ pretty good an’ reckoned we bin doin’ well so we decided ter ‘ave a look in this big place on the Planes.
You wouldn’ believe it Winkee there’s so many deduns roun’ ‘ere I’m beginnin’ ter wonder ‘oo’s in charge
Anyways…
In we wen’ an’ again we was doin’ alright wiv me wiggelin’ an’ Merri shootin’ an’ Fred ‘avin’ anuvver late dinner.
We was jus’ finkin’ of ‘eadin’ upstairs an’ sortin’ ‘em out up there when in walks some nome an’ stops us. It’s surprisin’ ‘ow many folk jus’ wan’ ter stop yer doin’ yer job.
Anyways…
This nome (e wasn’t nicer than you) Romerlus I fink is name was, frew us out o’ the castle cos ‘e reckoned the deduns were ‘is mates. Still I tol’ im I’ll be back an’ I will.
Jus’ tween us winky I fink ‘e’s probly right cos I can’t ‘magine anywun else wantin’ ter be ‘is mate. ‘E ‘ad a face like a dog’s bum wiv a ‘at on.
Anyways…
We ‘ad the last larf cos Merri ‘id behin’ him an’ picked up all the gear we foun’ wivout ‘im knowin’
She promised she won’t do it ter nick stuff when she’s wiv me tho’ which is jus’ as well cos she knows I’m good.
Anyways…
Like I said that Midor place is really good fer shoppin’ an’ we sol’ a lot o’ gear.
Cos of this, an’ the fact I could ‘ardly walk me purse was so ‘eavy, I decided ter ‘ead ter Fairayne an’ drop off sum cash at the temple fer the poor folks.
I ‘ad ter get anuvver bote – I los’ me tea this time – an’ ‘ad a chat wiv the ‘Igh Priestess who didn’ seem ter be payin’ much attention. I lef’ the gold anyway tho’.
I couldn’ get a bote back tho’ (which was a relief) so I ‘ad ter leg it.
Let me tell yer Winkee I ain’t ever runned so fast in me life. ‘Ave yer ever seen a troll? Good, yer don’ wan’ ter. I didn’ stop runnin’ till I got ter Brandibuck. I wouldn’ min’ but the wolves wanted ter join in an’ they chased me too.
Anyways…
I got fru Mirghul alright, I fink the goblins was asleep, an almos’ run inter some dwarf called Corerver. He seemed ter be scared o’ me at firs’ but we’re mates now, speciarally since ‘e’s a pries’ too. ‘E didn’ say but I fink ‘e might nearly be as clever as me.
Anyways…
I ‘ave ter stop ritin’ now cos me arm is droppin’ off an’ Fred is givin’ me that look what says e’s ‘ungry.
May the ‘Oly Muvver watch over yer. |
Elvalia - Chosen of Aros
Elrith Mellin
Perin - 'Cleric (an' drewid) o' Elbreff' Weddin's an' pies a speciarality
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Re: The dire of PerIN LaNdWalKEr
Posted: 16 Jul 2004 03:47 AM |
| ((absolutely love this little one and her accent. Evar's misunderstanding about the Halfing God Elbreff was so funny. I think Miss Perin is one of my favourite characters on Vives)) |
Never argue with an idiot.
They drag you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.
Akril
Quinellieth. 20th Circle of the Order of the Ring |
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Re: The dire of PerIN LaNdWalKEr
Posted: 16 Jul 2004 10:31 AM |
DAY FREE
I ‘ad anuvver intrestin’ day terday. I met anuvver cupple o’ biguns, wun of ‘em is a bit like Merri tho’ ‘e ain’t got as much sense (‘e is a bigun after all). ‘Is name is Jand an’ I fink ‘e does a bit o’ nickin’ on the side so I’ll ‘ave ter be careful when ‘e’s about. P’raps if I c’n keep an eye on ‘im I c’n stop ‘im doin’ anyfink bad. Min’ yer, it mite be a bit ‘ard cos ‘e as a bit o’ trubble wiv ‘is earin’ an’ don’ seem ter lis’en ter what folk are tellin’ ‘im. Eever that or ‘e’s jus’ noware near as clever as folk like you an’ me.
The uvver wun is a nise bloke, but ‘e’s still a bit weird. I tell yer Winkee ‘e ain’t ‘alf big. ‘Is name is Maffias Greenie or sumfink like that. ‘E wan’s ter be a nite in that there Midor place. P’raps its cos e wan’s a res’ cos I still ain’t seen none o’ ‘em do nuffink ‘cept walk aroun’ in there armer.
Anyways…
Like I sed, ‘e’s a big feller an’ to be hones’ (tho I didn’ like ter ask) I fink ‘is mum must o’ eaten sumfink dodgy ‘cos ‘e don’ look very well an’ all ‘is ‘air’s fell out.
Still, ‘e talks very nise like me an’ said fanks wen I bort ‘im sum armer (an’ besides, ‘e’s very ‘andy fer getting’ in the way o’ stuff what’s tryin’ ter ‘it me).
I tried ter talk ‘im inter getting’ a proper job but ‘e didn’ unnerstan’, but if ‘e ‘elps me ‘elp folk ‘e’s alright by me.
O! I forgot ter tell yer, I still bin prayin’ ‘ard an’ Elbreff give me sum new spells ter chuck aroun’. I fink sumfink mus’ o’ gone rong sumware tho’ cos I can’ seem ter fin’ Fred no more. When I wiggeled me fingers an’ called ‘im this bluddy grate spider came runnin’ up insted. Gave me a bit o’ a turn at firs’ cos I fort ‘e was tryin’ ter eat me. Turns out ‘e wasn’ tho’ an' if anyfink ‘e gets even 'ungrier than Fred which could be ‘andy when folk try ter nock me blok off.
I called ‘im Stan cos ‘e remin’s me of me unkel Stan. Me mum always used ter say ‘e was all legs an’ apertite.
Anyways…
This ‘ere Jand an’ Mister Greenie sed they ‘eard sum littel lad los’ is dad back nere Port Royarl. We fort it’d be a good idea ter see if we could ‘elp ‘im so off we went.
We ‘ad ter catch a bote again an’ I ended up feedin’ the fishes as useral. I reely don’ know what the ‘eck I’m goin’ ter do about this. P’raps if I look aroun’ a bit I could buy meself an ‘orse or sumfink.
Anyways…
We went an’ foun’ this lad an it turns out ‘is dad ‘ad wndered off inter sum place called the Linoleum. This is nere sum place called the Standin’ Stones which is proberly where sumwum is buildin’ there ‘ouse. It ain’t finished yet cos it still let’s the wind in an’ it ain’t got no roof.
Anyways…
We wen’ inter this linolernum place which as got pitchers all over the walls an stuff tho’ if yer ask me they need a gardner. P’raps yer can ask aroun’ Winkee cos there’s plenty ‘o work there if yer ask me fer the rite person. Tell ‘im ter bring sum ‘edge cutters cos the plan’s is climin’ up the walls an’ everyfink.
Anyways…
In we went an’ even tho’ we couldn’ fin’ this bloke we managed ter fin’ ‘is book Seems the poor feller got cort by sumfink called a baskerlisk what terned im inter a bit o’ rock.
We wen’ an’ tol’ the littl’un ‘oo seemed grateful even tho’ we jus’ tol ‘im is dad was now a brik.
Anyways…
That Jand sed it mite be a good idea ter ‘ave anuvver look in this Linerlonernum sinse it seemed ter be a dangerous place ‘an we could stop uvver folk bein’ made inter buildin’ materierls an’ stuff. I fort this’d be a good way ter ‘elp folk out tho’ ter be hones’ I fink ‘e was more interested in findin’ stuff ter nick. Mister Greenie came along too cos ‘e wanted ter be good like me. I fink I like ‘im even tho’ ‘e’s a funny culler.
Anyways…
Off we wen’ back inter the Lindernerlum, an as usural sumwun ‘ad lef’ traps evryware ter stop the deduns an’ baduns wandrin aroun’. If I can fin’ out ‘oo’s in charge I’m goin’ ter rite ‘em a letter tho’ cos they always seem ter leave ‘em in the rong place.
Turns out this place is full of ‘obgoblins. They don’ look much like yer normal goblin ‘an they ‘it a lot ‘arder. (Tween you an’ me Winkee I fink it mite be them what drawed on all the walls cos the pitchers ain’t very good an’ the ‘obgoblins ain’t as intellergent as you an’ me).
Anyways…
We dun alright, Mister Greenie is almos’ as good at ‘ittin’ folk as I am an’ Stan et loads. Even that Jand feller ‘elped a bit tho’ ‘e was more interested in talkin’ ter ‘is mate Jonneee what turned up while we was down there. This Jonnee is anuvver lightfingered feller I fink tho’ if yer ask me it ain’ jus’ ‘is ‘ands what wanders.
Anyways…
That was when the day took a tern fer the werse. Mister Greenie an’ that Jonnee ‘ad ter go. I fink Mister Greenie wen’ ter polish ‘is ‘armer, I don’ know where that Jonnee went (probly nickin’).
Me an’ that Jand was on our way out o’ the Linerlum when I opened this door an everyfink wen’ blak.
I don’ know what ‘appened but I’m ritin’ this from the ‘ospital where I woke up wiv an ‘eadache.
I ‘ave ter stop ritin’ now cos this lady jus’ cum in an’ said I ‘ave ter go wiv 'er.
‘parently Stan is chasin’ sumwun in the garden roun’ the back so I better go an’ sort fings out.
I’ll rite sum more tomorrer when me ‘ead feels better.
May the ‘Oly Muvver watch over yer. |
Elvalia - Chosen of Aros
Elrith Mellin
Perin - 'Cleric (an' drewid) o' Elbreff' Weddin's an' pies a speciarality
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Re: The dire of PerIN LaNdWalKEr
Posted: 17 Jul 2004 04:56 AM |
I ‘ope yer ‘ad plenny o’ kip las’ night Winkee cos yer might need it. I ‘ad ter use up all me spare munny fer quils terday. I don’ fink I ever been ser busy in me life.
DAY FORE
Terday was a good day an’ a bad day, leas’ ways even tho’ I woked up the ‘ospital an’ still ‘ad me ‘eadache I was alive an’ I don’ s’pose fings get much gooder’n that.
Wurse fing was I mite ‘ave ter steer cleer o’ Fairayne fer a bit, but I’ll tell yer ‘bout that later.
Anyways…
Like I says I waked up in the ‘ospital ‘an even tho’ I still ‘ad a ‘eadache the lady sed she couldn’ fin’ nuffink rong an’ they frowed me out. (Tween you an’ me I fink they was a bit worried Stan was getting’ ‘ungry).
Even tho’ they wouldn’ let me stay I still gave ‘em sum munny ter ‘elp uvver folk wiv so I dun me good turn fer the day (jus’ as well I got it in urly).
Anyways…
Sinse they didn’ give me no breakfas’ at the ‘ospital I fort I might as well take a chance an’ get on the bote ter that there Midor place. Ter be ‘ones’ the grub in Port Royarl ain’t up ter much anyways an’ I ‘eard the Younicorn does a good spread.
So there I was waitin’ at the dock an’ avin’ a bit o’ a chat wiv Fred when up walks me mate Mister Greenie an’ we ‘ad a chat about sum stuff an’ sum folk what need ‘elp.
Mister Greenie surgested I try sumfink called a Poshun er Clarerty cos that mite stop me givin’ the fishes a free lunch. ‘E reckons it mite focus me min’ but I ain’t so shore. Fer wun fing Winkee you an’ me bofe know there ain’t nuffink rong wiv me min’ an if I were ter make meself cleverer like that I’d jus’ fink about bein’ sick even more. (Tween you an’ me mate, I fink tha’s what the problem is, folk like us is so intellergent we knows the risk what we takes when we gets on a bote an’ the biguns is too daf’ ter reelise).
Anyways…
In the en’ we took a little trip ter that there ‘aunted village an’ sorted the tools an’ the ghosties out again (I reely mus’ remember ter rite ter the trap setter in cheef cos they keeps comin’ back). Then I ‘appened ter mention tha’ sum folk ‘ad gone missin’ near that there Linlernlerunum place in anuvver cave what's close ter it. We fort it’d be a good idea ter take a look an’ see if we could fin’ ‘em.
We did.
They was ded.
An’ I ain’t surprised Winkee cos you ain’t never seed ants what were as big as the beggers we foun’ in that there cave. Me an’ Fred sorted ‘em tho’ an’ Mister Greenie ‘elped a bit.
I ‘ad a bit of a pray over the boddies but I don’ fink it dun much good, they ponged quite a bit.
Anyways…
Mister Greenie said ‘e fancied a trip inter Mirghul cos ‘e ‘eard as ‘ow there were loads more goblins unner the groun’ there. As yer can ‘magine I didn’ min’ that wun bit after what ‘appened ter mum an’ dad an’ our Tom so off we goes ter get the bote.
I was sick again. Don’ know ‘ow cos by now I was so ‘ungry me stummerk fort me frote ‘ad been cut but there yer go.
We dun a bit o’ shoppin’ in that there Midor place (still loads a nites doin’ nuffink) an’ off we went ter Mirghul.
Fred enjoyed ‘is lunch very much.
I dropped by after that fer a bit o’ rest an’ a pray but yer weren’ in uvverwise I’d ‘ave sed ‘ello.
Then Mister Greenie an’ me went back inter Mirghul ter ‘ave a look at this plase unner groun’.
There ain’t menny goblins unner there Winkee but there’s lots o’ uvver fellers called bugberes. I dunno why cos they don’ look like bugs an’ they don’ look like beres. Mus ‘ave been a bigun what sore ‘em firs’
Mite be a while ‘fore anywun else sees ‘em tho’ cos they ain’t there no more. That there Mister Greenie, ‘e’s nearly as good at fitin’ as me but I don’ alf use up a load o’ banderges when ‘e’s about.
Fred ‘ad so much ter eat I fink I’ll ‘ave ter put ‘im on a diet. Still. At leas’ all the time ‘e’s eatin’ goblins an’ stuff I don’ ‘ave ter pay fer ‘is grub which is jus’ as well (‘e eats like an’ ‘orse).
Anyways…
On the way back ter that there Midor we stopped off at a farm. ‘parently the farmer was ‘avin’ a bit o’ trubble, ‘e reckined sum dirty grate wolf kept nickin’ ‘is stuff so me an’ Mister Greenie sed we’d ‘elp an ‘ave a look fer it.
Turns out we foun’ it but we foun’ a load of ‘is mates an’ all.
Fred et ‘em.
Then me an’ Mister Greenie sorted out the bigun what was doin’ all the nickin. It was a pretty good fite which was jus’ as well cos where the wolfs live is bluddy cold an’ we ‘ad ter keep warm.
The farmer gave us a shield fer ‘elpin’ ‘im. I let Mister Greenie ‘ave it cos it was bigger’n me an’ ‘e’ needs it more cos stuff keeps ‘ittin’ ‘im.
Anyways…
I’ll finish this off an’ give yer the bad noos later cos Fred wan’s ter go out. (‘ardly surprisin’, ‘e ain’t stopped eatin’ all day).
May the ‘Oly Muvver watch over yer. |
Elvalia - Chosen of Aros
Elrith Mellin
Perin - 'Cleric (an' drewid) o' Elbreff' Weddin's an' pies a speciarality
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Re: The dire of PerIN LaNdWalKEr
Posted: 19 Jul 2004 05:56 AM |
Rite, now Fred’s dun ‘is bit fer farmin’ (Windee was very ‘appy) I can tell yer the res’ of what ‘appened.
DAY FORE – PART TOO
After we sorted that there farmer out me an’ Fred an’ Mister Greenie went fer a res’ on them there Planes.
When I woked up this elfie turns up. Kellem ‘is name was, ‘an a bit o’ a rum un if yer know what I means. Wun of these folk what talks a lot but ain’t got much ter say.
Bit fick too if yer ask me, ‘e didn’ even know ‘oo Elbreff was, I ask yer, an elfie what ain’t ‘eard of the ‘Oly Muvver.
‘E sed folk didn’ wan’ ter talk ter ‘im much. If yer ask me it ‘as sumfink ter do wiv ‘is ‘at. Little fing wiv a fevver in it – makes ‘im look like a overgrowed sparrer.
Eever that or it’s cos they can’ get a word in edgewise, he do like talkin’
Anyways…
Turns out ‘e ‘eard o’ a tempel what them there kobolds ‘ad built. I ain’t seed it las’ time I looked but ‘parently sum ol’ bigun in that there Midor ‘ad a paintin’ stole an’ ‘e reckoned the kobolds dun it.
‘Course me an’ Mister Greenie says we’d take a look cos we’s always willin’ ter ‘elp folk.
Anyways…
Off we wen’ an’ as useral me an’ Mister Greenie an’ Fred sorted the Kobolds out. I ain’t sure ‘bout that there Kellem an’ ‘is bow. ‘E didn’ seem ter ‘it much, p’raps the fevver gets in ‘is eyes.
We got in a bit o’ trubble nere the tempel tho’ an’ that Kellem got ‘it by wun kobold to many.
I ‘ad a quick bit of a pray but I s’pose Elbreff was bizzy cos I couldn’ elp, eever that or she was un’appy cos ‘e never ‘eard of ‘er. In which case it serves ‘im rite.
Mister Greenie sed if we sort out the res’ of the kobolds we could p’raps carry the korps back ter the ‘ospital in that there Midor an’ get ‘elp so off we went wiv Fred an’ sorted ‘em out.
When we wen' back that there Kellem was gone. Mister Greenie fort p’raps sumwun else ‘ad dropped im off which was nise of ‘em. Eever that or ‘e was startin’ ter pong.
Anyways…
We picked up the pitcher the kobolds stoled an’ ‘eaded back ter that there Midor. On the way ter where the posh folk live we foun’ that there Kellem dumped outside the ‘ospital – ‘e were alive so p’raps after they patched ‘im up they stuck ‘im outside cos o’ the smell.
Eever that or ‘e talked too much.
Anyways…
‘E weren’ very grateful an’ started spoutin’ off about ‘ow ‘e ‘ated Midor an’ the nites an’ stuff. Mister Greenie weren’ too chuffed wiv that bein’ as ‘ow ‘e wan’s ter be one an’ ter be ‘ones’ nor was I.
I tol’ ‘im I did. I tol’ ‘im I ‘eard they hanged folk what was rude about ‘em in that there Midor an’ if ‘e didn’ min’ ‘e bes’ watch ‘is mouf cos I’m ‘appy bein’ as tall as I is.
I don’ fink ‘e liked that much but at leas’ it shut ‘im up a bit.
Anyways…
Off we wen’ ter this fellers ‘ouse ter drop ‘is pitcher off.
I tell yer Winkee they mite be rich in that there bit but ‘e ‘ad a problem. ‘E weren’ very grateful an’ ter be ‘ones’ was bluddy rude considerin’ what we dun fer ‘im. Fat, uglee AN’ rude – grate eh?
‘Course this ment that there Kellem was sparked up again an’ off ‘e goes rantin’ an’ ravin’ about that there Midor an’ the nites. ‘E offered ter pay Mister Greenie an’ me fer ‘elpin. Mister Greenie tol’ ‘im ter keep ‘is bit cos Kellem didn’ ‘ave much.
I tol’ ‘im ter keep my bit cos the rate ‘e were goin’ ‘e’d need it fer bale.
Sum folk jus’ ain’t got no sence.
Anyways…
Mister Greenie wen’ off ‘ome (I ‘spect ter polish ‘is new sheeld) an’ me an’ that Kellem wen’ off ter Port Royarl by bote (don’ ask you know what ‘appened).
That there Kellem needed sum ‘elp ter get sum stuff fer sum ol’ bloke what ‘ad a bit o’ trubble. I can’ say what cos ter be ‘ones’ i’s a bit nere the nukkle tho ter tell the trufe I dunno why ‘e’s wurried at ‘is age.
Sum uvver elfie called Arrowhen turned up an’ sed she’d ‘elp too, which was nise of ‘er, tho’ she wanted payin’ ‘cos she likes cash up front which is a bit odd.
An’ guess what? I runned inter that there Jand again an’ ‘e sed ‘e’d ‘elp too (surprise surprise – more chance fer nickin’ I s’pose)
Anyways…
We wen’ off ter this ‘ere Nebwood plase an’ dun our bit as useral. I jus’ ‘ope the ol’ feller is grateful tho’ I ain’t sure ‘is wife will be.
Anyways…
I promised ter tell yer ‘bout the bad part o’ me day Winkee.
I ‘adn’ been ter the Tempel fer a bit ter deliver me munny so I fort it were about time I took a trip ter Fairayne again.
Problem was there weren’ no bote (ooray!) so I fort I’d leg it instead.
Winkee it’s bluddy dangerous
Me an’ Fred didn’ ‘ave no trubble wiv nuffink till we got ter that the Icy Place. I fort Fred’d ‘ad enuff ter eat by now, ter be ‘ones’ ‘e was lookin’ well stuffed an’ I fink ‘is extra wate were slowin’ ‘im down.
So I took me mate Stan instead.
We went to that there Gladden place an’ I tell yer I ain’t runned so fas’ sinse the las’ time I ate one o’ yer pies.
Them bluddy troles weren’ very ‘appy as useral so I runned wun way an’ Stan ran the uvver.
I got ter them there Latony Woods alright an’ the troles didn’ seem ter like it cos nun follered me. Dunno why cos nowun was about. (If yer ask me Winkee theres too jobs ter do if yer wan’ an easy life… be a nite or be a ranger cos nun of ‘em seem ter do much)
Anyways…
I goes off ter the tempel an’ drops off a load o’ money wiv the ‘Igh Priestess (she never says fanks by the way) an’ bein’ as ‘ow I ‘ad a bit o’ trubble alreddy I fort I’d get a bote back (I know but I don’ wan’ ter be sum trole’s dinner).
Guess what? No bluddy bote. No bluddy Stan. So I fort what the ‘eck, I can run fas’ if I ‘ave ter an’ I’d take a chanse on me own.
I gets back ter that there Latony an’ shore enuff them rangers mus’ o’ been asleep again cos there’s troles everyware.
Off I trots back ter Fairayne ter see if the ‘Oly Worriers’d give me an’ ‘and. Speciarally sinse wun o’ the troles seemed particurally ‘ungry.
Anyways…
I wunders why they bovvers Winkee, I reely do, those Worriers shot jus’ about evry arrer they ‘ad at that bluddy trole an’ do yer fink it dun any good? Did it ‘eck!
So, I fort, this ain’t no good an runned off ter the shop ter get a torch. I means, everywun knows troles don’ like fire right? (Less yer an elfie ‘parrently)
I gets back an’ seems they (finerly) came ter the same concluserun cos wun o’ the Worriers was standin’ there wiv a ded trole, a torch an a nasty look on ‘is mug.
‘Its not customerry fer troles to try and enter the tempel o’ Arris ‘ ‘e says
‘I wunder what brought it ‘ere'
So I says, ‘I dunno mate - it was 'anging aroun' in them woods frough there, Wiv sum of 'is mates'
‘P’raps it follered that’ ‘e says, pointin’ at Stan (don’ ask, I dunno where the ‘eck ‘e wen’)
Winkee, sum folk jus’ ain’t got no gratitood.
There I was, doin’ me bes’ ter ‘elp ‘em cos they was ‘avin’ trubble an’ all they could do was blame me mate.
If yer ask me they jus’ ‘ad the ‘ump cos they used all there arrers up fer nuffink
Still, I fink I’ll steer cleer o’ there fer a few days – jus’ in case
Anyways…
Enuff ritin fer now, I jus’ reelised that the only wun what’s ‘ad ‘ardly anyfink ter eat is me an’ wot I fort was a funderstorm is me stummik tryin’ ter remin’ me.
Rite sum more tomorrer.
May the ‘Oly Muvver watch over yer. |
Elvalia - Chosen of Aros
Elrith Mellin
Perin - 'Cleric (an' drewid) o' Elbreff' Weddin's an' pies a speciarality
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Re: The dire of PerIN LaNdWalKEr
Posted: 19 Jul 2004 07:55 AM |
This is absolutely great stuff. I just cant help but read it over and over, especially your description of Kelem.
I had a tear in my eye from laughing to much.
Thanks Benny |
Never argue with an idiot.
They drag you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.
Akril
Quinellieth. 20th Circle of the Order of the Ring |
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Re: The dire of PerIN LaNdWalKEr
Posted: 19 Jul 2004 01:14 PM |
You have a flair for the dramatic and your characters are deep with background and thought, I thank you for your interactions
Well Done |
Its easy clinging to your moral high ground when you have everything, try it when you have nothing left.
Cain Angus |
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Re: The dire of PerIN LaNdWalKEr
Posted: 26 Jul 2004 07:55 AM |
Winkee mate, as I’m shore you notised by now, there ain’t ‘alf sum weird folk runnin’ around the place. But you ain’t goin’ ter berleeve the day I ‘ad.
DAY FEYEVE
Well I woked up wiv an ‘eadache again, that was jus’ fer starters. Don’ ask but I ain’t got a clue ‘ow but I must o’ opened a rong door again cos I woked up in the ‘ospital
S’pose I must o’ opened the rong door again
Anyways…
As useral, I gave ‘em sum munny fer the trubble (tho’ yer still don’ get no breakfas’) an’ off I trots.
Now fings ‘ave cooled down a bit in Fairayne I fort I’d do me bit an’ ‘ead over ter do me donatin’
I cort the bote ter that there Midor – jus’ fer wunce I didn’ ‘onk (no bluddy breakfas’ that’s why)
Tippical day in the big city reely, nuffink ‘appenin’ an’ lots o’ people doin’ nuffink, so I ‘eaded off ter the Icy place. (Leas’ Stan ‘ad sum breakfas’ loads o’ wolves).
Anyways…
Bein’ as ‘ow I was starvin’ I decided ter stop off at the pub an’ ave sum grub while Stan were busy ‘avin’ a play.
As luck’d ‘ave it sumwun ‘ad lef’ there dinner on the table, so I ‘ad a word wiv the feller in charge an’ ‘ad that (I only gave ‘im twenty fer it tho’ cos the pie ‘ad a cupple o’ bites taken out o’ it)
It were bluddy good grub Winkee, the feller ‘ad even ‘eard o’ yore pies, they mus’ be getting’ famus (fer bein’ so bluddy bad probly)
Anyways…
Feelin’ well stuffed I comes out the pub an’ guess what, Stan ‘ad wandered off again. I counted everfink an’ I don’ fink ‘e et nuffink ‘e shouldn ‘ave dun but I couldn’ fin’ ‘im noware.
Lukkerly, Fred was about so we ‘eaded back where the wolves live ter see if we could fin’ ‘im.
Anyways…
There we were jus’ mindin’ our own bizness an’ lookin’ fer Stan when this feller turns up.
Like I sed there’s sum weird folk runnin’ aroun’ but I ain’t seen nowun as weird as this bloke.
Big feller ‘e were (which ortomaticly makes ‘im weird o’ course) an’ cuvvered in scales like a lizzerd. All teef an clores like yore sister. You remember, the wun what got bort back by the goblins cos she torked too much.
‘E must o’ liked ‘orses too this feller, leasways ‘e ‘ad a wip.
Anyways…
We ‘ad a bit o’ a chat what wen’ like this:
“‘Ello mate,” I says, bein’ frenly as useral, “Seen Stan?”
(ter be ‘ones’ Winkee I don’ fink ‘e ‘ad all ‘is marbels cos ‘e looked a bit confused)
“I am not used to being spoken to in such a manner mortal” ‘E says, which were a bit o’ a surprise cos by now I was beginning ter fink ‘e couldn’ tork.
‘E obverusly still didn’ understan’ (I know, biguns’re daft) so I ‘eld me ‘an up over me ‘ead an sed “’Bout so ‘igh wiv lots o’ legs.”
Ter be ‘ones’ Winkee I fink ‘e were a bit touched if yer know what I mean cos I don’ fink ‘e ‘ad a clue what were ‘appenin’
Anyways…
“I have not seen your pet.” ‘E says. (penny dropped at las’)
So I says “Fanks anyway, see yer later mate.”
Then ‘e says, jus’ as me an’ Fred were ‘eaded off “Have you seen the mortal known as Luther?”
“Mister Loofer? Nope, ain’t seen ‘im terday mate.” I says.
“I am not your mate.” ‘E says (rude bugger), “tell me mortal do you know him well?”
(Don’ ask me ‘oo this Mortle feller is Winkee, like I said ‘e were a cupple o’ marbels short)
“Oh yep,” I says, “I sees ‘im all the time. Gives ‘im loads o’ boots I do. ‘E runs aroun’ a lot see.”
Then at las’ I figured out what were rong wiv this feller cos ‘e sed “How about I don’t rend you limb from limb and feast on your still beating heart… and you tell me a little of him?”
There yer go Winkee ‘E WERE ‘UNGRY! We all knows ‘ow cranky sum folk get when there ‘ungry don’ we?
So I says “If yer ‘ungry there’s a pub jus’ over there. Pies’re good. I jus’ ‘ad wun.”
“What!” ‘E says, “I am an elite of the army of Nevver You. Have you mortals forgotten all… or are you so powerful…” So bluddy ‘ungry ‘e were ‘avin’ delushuns, poor feller.
So I says, “Yer better ‘ave too pies then mate.”
‘E seemed so confused by now Winkee, ‘e didn’ know what ter do or say I fink, anyhow, ‘e says “give this ‘Lufer’ a message.. tell him if he continues to meddle.. it will be his very last mistake.”
By now mate I were takin’ pity on the bloke so I tol’ ‘im ter ‘ang on wile I rote it down. “Stay away from the mage” ‘E says, so I rote it down fer ‘im.
Course, by now I were reely feelin’ sorry fer the feller ‘oo was even startin’ ter look scared ‘o me (yer know I’m ‘armless). So I says, “If yer don’ fancy the grub back there mate there’s s’posed ter be a good pub in that there Midor. The Younicorn. Bit ‘spensive min’” an’ I gave ‘im a cupple o’ undred cash ter get ‘is dinner.
Winkee.
Yer can’ ‘elp sum folk an’ they jus’ ain’t greatful no matter what yer do.
“Begone with you… you insane wench of a mortal” ‘E says, an’ flies off!
Bluddy rude.
Did I say ‘e ‘ad wings too by the way?
Anyways…
Jus’ a tip Winkee, if this feller comes knockin’ on the door o’ yer pub, ‘ave yer pies reddy an’ put ‘em on my tab.
Jus’ don’ espect ‘im ter say fanks.
More tomorrer mate.
May the ‘Oly Muvver watch over yer. |
Elvalia - Chosen of Aros
Elrith Mellin
Perin - 'Cleric (an' drewid) o' Elbreff' Weddin's an' pies a speciarality
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Re: The dire of PerIN LaNdWalKEr
Posted: 26 Jul 2004 02:29 PM |
(((
(Don’ ask me ‘oo this Mortle feller is Winkee, like I said ‘e were a cupple o’ marbels short)
i just started tearing up from laughing. too good!))) |
Sai Barris, Scamp-at-Large
Cynda LeRange, Reporter, Port Royale
Parson Droim Raine, Preacha o da Word o Swiftfoot |
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Re: The dire of PerIN LaNdWalKEr
Posted: 01 Aug 2004 09:31 AM |
DAY SICKS
Firs’ off I waked up in Port Royarl, in the street. No I didn’ get drunk I fink I jus’ got so ecksorsted yesterday I falled asleep where I were standin’ never min’
As yer may remember, I ain’t been ter Fairayne ter drop me munny off fer a while, (I got stopped by ol’ ‘ungry guts yesterday)
So off I trots ter get the bote ter that there Midor, (very ruff, middle o’ a storm an’ yep yer can guess what ‘appened – leas’ this time I managed ter get ter the side afore I ‘onked)
Anyways….
Off I gets in that there Midor an’ walks off down the dock when I runs inter that there Jand feller (yer remember? Bit cracked? Fond o’ nickin’)
Leasways I say runned inter it were more like fell over cos ‘e were lyin’ in the street ded drunk an’ cuvvered in red wine. Tha’s what I fort anyways – till I ‘ad a taste an’ foun’ out it were blud.
Well, yer can imagine I were a bit worried, cos there weren’ nowun about an’ I ain’t reely cleverer enuff ter ‘elp stiffs yet.
Anyways…
Sinse the feller on the dock wouldn’ ‘elp (wouldn’ even listen) I fort the leas’ I could do were ‘ave a bit of a pray an’ at leas’ keep the flys off ‘im.
So I gots down on me knees an’ ‘ad a chat an’ GUESS WHAT? Up gets that there Jand like nuffink ever ‘appened! I’m obverously a lot more cleverer than I fort.
I tell yer sumfink tho’ I were sick as a dog afterwards, I ain’t shore wevver it’s cos I weren’ sposed ter try it or Elbreff weren’ all that chuffed cos it were ‘im. Nex’ time sumwun else c’n ‘elp ‘im. ‘Onkin’ every time I see a bote is bad enuff.
Anyways…
‘E mite o’ been alive again but ‘is brane weren’ no better, ‘E sed it would be a good idea ter go ter the tempel in that there Midor so’s they could make me betterer. Like I sed, if they foun’ out I follers Elbreff, they’d make me fore foot taller an’ I likes bein’ jus’ the size I is fanks.
Anyways…
Turns out e’ ‘eard sum lady’d been locked up in a pub by sum baduns. ‘E legged it down ter ‘ave a look an’ ended up getting’ ‘it on the nut.
Now I knows ‘im an’ that Jonnee ‘angs aroun’ wiv sum norty wimmin but ‘e sed it weren’ nuffink like that cos people jus’ wen’ there ter play games an’ stuff.
Now as yer know I been lookin’ fer a game o’ darts fer a while so I fort it’d be a good idea ter ‘elp this lady an’ ‘ave a bit o’ fun at the same time.
Still, sumfink weren’ sactly rite cos ‘e tol’ me not ter shout at nowun, as if I would. ‘E sed I ‘ad ter be quiet or we couldn’ ‘elp the lady an’ it were only folk goin’ there ter tork ter uvver folk.
Anyways…
Off we trots an’ goes ter this pub an’ I’ll tell yer this Winkee, they weren’ ‘alf dressed funny, speciarally the wimmin. Good job they ‘ad the fire on uvverwise they’d o’ cort there deffs. (Like that there Kandee in Port Royarl, I’s always tellin’ ‘er ter put ‘er cote on)
Anyways…
I sed it mus’ be a funny way o’ playin’ darts an’ ‘e sed they plays all sorts o’ games.
GUESS WHAT WINKEE! THEY PLAYS ‘EM NAKED!
All I c’n say is if they plays darts like that they better be bluddy careful
We sorted the baduns as useral an’ let the lady out then I fort I’d ‘ave a game o’ darts. Nowun wanted ter play, cept sum feller called Valentine but I don’ fink ‘e wanted ter play darts so I tol’ ‘im ter bugger off. I ain’t goin’ there no more, darts or not.
Jand reckons ‘e’s got a lady fren’ now (mus’ be blin’) but ‘e don’ ‘alf know sum funny pubs. We ‘eaded off ter Port Royarl cos ‘e sed Kandee needed ‘elp (probly cort a cold)
TURNS OUT SHE’S A BADUN TOO!
She been sendin’ folk ter a pub ter play norty games an’ getting’ ‘em ‘it on the nut by sum baduns.
So we sorted them n’ all. When we wen’ ter tell ‘er bout it she sed she wouldn’ do it no more. I tol’ ‘er ter get a proper job, wun where she could keep ‘er cloves on ‘opefully.
Anyways…
Even tho’ I ‘ad ter spen’ the day in norty places it weren’ all bad. I wen’ fer a pray an’ turns out Elbreff gave me sum new spells ter chuck aroun’ an’ a NEW MATE!
I calls ‘im Ted cos ‘e’s so cuddly jus’ like me ol’ unkel Ted. Tell yer what Winkee ‘e’s bluddy big too. Nowun’ll be able ter ‘it me on the nut while ‘e’s aroun’
I ain’t been so ‘appy sinse that day you runned out o’ pies.
Anyways…
I ‘ave ter go now mate cos Ted’s lookin’ ‘ungry an’ I still ain’t figgered out what ‘e eats yet.
I’ll rite sum more termorrer.
May the ‘Oly Muvver watch over yer. |
Elvalia - Chosen of Aros
Elrith Mellin
Perin - 'Cleric (an' drewid) o' Elbreff' Weddin's an' pies a speciarality
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Re: The dire of PerIN LaNdWalKEr
Posted: 05 Aug 2004 12:15 PM |
This is absolutely Prime Time stuff.
I laugh so hard I cant see and have to keep stopping and calming myself down.
Thanks for the entertainment. Please please keep it coming |
Never argue with an idiot.
They drag you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.
Akril
Quinellieth. 20th Circle of the Order of the Ring |
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Re: The dire of PerIN LaNdWalKEr
Posted: 05 Aug 2004 12:52 PM |
Dere Winkee
Jus' a littel note ter tell yer I figgered out what Ted eats.
I's baduns, lots o' 'em
Sinse we been frowed out o' the pub cos we et evryfink I spose we better go an' see if we can 'elp sum folk.
So soon as Ted's finished eatin' this 'ere bugbere, we's goin' ter see if we can fin' sum folk.
Rite again sune mate
May the 'Oly Muvver watch over yer.
PerIN |
Elvalia - Chosen of Aros
Elrith Mellin
Perin - 'Cleric (an' drewid) o' Elbreff' Weddin's an' pies a speciarality
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DERE WINKEE
Posted: 01 Nov 2004 06:59 AM |
Jus' fort I'd drop yer a line cos I knows I ain't rited fer a while an' I knows yer ain't got much ter do cept sit on yer bum an' rede.
Lo's o' new fings 'as 'appened ter me, but annuvver reason I's ritin' is I needs sum stuff from yer
WUN - New boots
Sinse sum bugger stole they Tears I ain't dun nuffink but run aroun' 'elpin' ter get 'em back... me boots is wored out an' I needs sum new wuns... so if yer gots enny goin' spare I'll 'ave 'em.
TOO - New legs
Cos I's gots new spells now I 'as ter run aroun' all over the place 'elpin' folk get back up. I ain't never been so busy sinse yer poisoned the village wiv yer pies. I fink I's about a foot shorter than I was the day before so now I's only 'alf a 'alflin'
FREE - Sum cat meet
I's got a new mate... 'is name's Spot an' 'e eats even more than Ted, Fred an' Stan did put tergevver. So 'old on ter enny spare grub yer got goin'. (An' I mean the good stuff yer don' put in the pies, I'll be watchin')
FORE - A bigger dore ter the pub
In 'er wisdum the 'Oly muvver 'as gived me the erbility ter change inter uvver fings. Sum o' these is a bit big an' I keeps 'ittin' me 'ead. MAKE A NEW DORE.... QUICK
AN' LAS' BUT NOT LEAS', FEYEVE - A NEW OWNER FER THE PUB
NEX' TIME I COMES ROUN' WIV A FEW O' ME MATES NACKERED FROM FITIN' 'UNDREDS O' DEDUNS AN' TRYIN' TER SAVE THE WORLD (INCLUDIN' YOU BELIEVE IT OR NOT), THE LEAS' YER COULD BLUDDY DO IS OPEN THE BLUDDY DORE!
THIS IS YER LAS' WARNIN' MATE
Yer lucky I didn' curse yer pies (not that they need it)
I'll rite again soon (If yer lucky)
May the 'Oly Muvver watch over yer (If yer lucky again)
PerIN
pee ess.... yer can tell that bugger Droopy I weren' very 'appy wiv 'im eever, no bluddy banderges... I could 'ear 'im 'idin' wiv yer in the pub. Nex' time I's roun' I wants a diskount or I takes me bisness elseware.
pee pee ess.... answer yer bluddy letters |
Elvalia - Chosen of Aros
Elrith Mellin
Perin - 'Cleric (an' drewid) o' Elbreff' Weddin's an' pies a speciarality
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Re: DERE WINKEE
Posted: 02 Nov 2004 05:47 AM |
pee pee ess.... answer yer bluddy letters
((Thats one heck of an imagination you have there. But its truly entertaining. How on earth does someone learn to write phonetically like that. Either way, its really good stuff and I truly love Perin.
I think she's a bit bad though. Im sure pubs dont have Fir. *grins* |
Never argue with an idiot.
They drag you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.
Akril
Quinellieth. 20th Circle of the Order of the Ring |
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PerIN's Weddin' Checklis'
Posted: 06 Nov 2004 05:14 AM |
1. Get a new set o' cloves.... make shore nuffink shows what ain't sposed ter
2. Make shore yer marree the rite wuns... Jand an' Ana.... Jand an' Ana, fink I gots that
3. Make sure Ana is reely shore she's shore she wan's ter do this.... cos I an't shore
4. Make shore Jand don' pick is nose durin' the seremonee
5. Make shore Jonny ain't drunk... sum 'ope
6. Learn elfy? No chanse
7. Feed the cat
8. Take the kerleckshun
9. Remember ter turn up
10. Make sum more pies.... nope, too late fer that
11. Make shore Ana is shore again
12. Better make shore Jand ain't drunk an' all
13. Better make shore Ana ain't drunk come ter that
14. Make shore theys married AFORE they leaves fer the party, don' wan' nuffink norty goin' on unless they is
15. Feed the cat... oh dun that
16. Make shore Winkee don' turn up fer enny freebees
17. Make shore yer don' go ter the rong place... Tempel... Fairayne.... got it
18. Don' bluddy swear
19. Make shore Jonny ain't drunk again
20. Make shore they all bluddy says fanks
21. Make REELY REELY SHORE Ana is REELY REELY SHORE she REELY REELY wan's ter get married. Speciarally ter Jand
21. Take pitchers, don' let Jonny dror 'em, yer know what 'appened las' time
22. No pets
23. No spittin' in the tempel
24. No troles, yer gots inter trubble fer that afore
25. Make shore yer tell 'em this is it, no changin' yer mind after or the Muvver'll 'ave yer guts |
Elvalia - Chosen of Aros
Elrith Mellin
Perin - 'Cleric (an' drewid) o' Elbreff' Weddin's an' pies a speciarality
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Re: PerIN's Weddin' Checklis'
Posted: 06 Nov 2004 06:50 AM |
((LOL!
and make sure the cat doesnt cough up hairballs on you after you get your dress on)) |
Purpose in life: finding better ways of allowing players to kill themselves. Repeatedly.
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"...Cause he mixes it with love
And makes the world taste good."
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<@James42> Lawful good isn't in your vocabulary, it's on your menu.
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Re: PerIN's Weddin' Checklis'
Posted: 06 Nov 2004 10:13 AM |
| ((as if nerves werent enough hes going to need a translater too)) |
Its easy clinging to your moral high ground when you have everything, try it when you have nothing left.
Cain Angus |
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