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How not to make Oatmeal
Posted: 07 Mar 2004 03:00 PM |
I was just cooking myself some oatmeal for breakfast this morning and recalled a rather humourous anecdote from my childhood about the first time I made oatmeal by myself. I felt it needed sharing.
I was about five at the time I think.. maybe six, I can think I would have been able to do this at a younger age. I had awoke before anyone else in the house on a saturday morning. I had to get up to watch the cartoons you see . And decided I would make oatmeal for my parents and younger sister when they got up. I'd seen it done before and didn't think it could be to hard.
I pulled down the the box of oatmeal from the pantry, and grabbed a large pot and read the directions for making 4-5 servings. It seemed simple enough, a few cups of oatmeal, a few more of water.. but there I got confused. It asked for a pinch of salt. Now I had no idea what the heck a pinch was. I knew cups, I knew teaspoons and tablespoons, heck I could even figure things out in mililitres thanks to the otherside of the measuring cup, but no clue how much a pinch was.
I searched for several minutes trying to see what a pinch was. I checked the french side, hopeing they might have used something other than pinch that would help me out. That was my downfall. I didn't see pinch there, and right after the word sel -I knew this was salt from looking on the other side of our salt container- I saw 1/4 c.. Again, from comparing the english to french, I knew that c. meant cup. So I had found it, one pinch of salt is 1/4 cup.
I pulled out the measuring cup, filled it with salt, and added that to the oatmeal. I then went and turned on the oven (this was before we had a microwave) and put in the pot of oatmeal once it had heated. A few minutes later, my mom came down and inquired as to the source of that, not to pleasant smell. I proudly told her that I had made breakfast for everyone and that it was nearly done.
We pulled it out, and took a peek. It didn't look to good. It was somewhat dried out, almost cake like, but lacking the moistness. Then my mom tried a bit... and immediately spit it out. Afterall, a 1/4 cup is alot of salt. |
~Alosynth
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Re: How not to make Oatmeal
Posted: 07 Mar 2004 06:39 PM |
I made pork chops and eggs once for my Mom for breakfast. I put everything into the oven and turned the oven on. Well, the gas, anyway.
Mom woke up in time though. Next to some raw broken eggs and a couple of pieces of raw pork chop. She said it was "wonderful" and thanked me for making breakfast and patted me on the head, but I don't know how she knew what it tasted like because she didn't eat any of it and immediately ran to the kitchen to check on something. |
-æsir
"The man that finds himself at a crossroads, and unsure of direction, is not lost. For in truth, all roads will carry him to the same destination - his fate. But it is the determined man that takes the next step." -Aren
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Re: How not to make Oatmeal
Posted: 08 Mar 2004 05:17 AM |
Fantastic story Alo, and i must say, what an investigative boy you were. hehe.
On a related topic, i once made Kraft Dinner. (Yes, i was desperate)
Anyhoo. I had pulled the box from the pantry and placed it atop the counter beside the stove. Filling the pot with some water, and giving it a pinch of salt (not a cup) i set it to boil. Soon after, i poured the contents of the box into the pot, and gave it a little stir. Unfortunately, the cheese mix powder went in with it, but no worries, easily fixed. I fished it out with little trouble. Now see, right there would normally be the worst mistake i could make, cooking something so simple, but not so. With my cheese mix saved, and the macoroni's on the boil i thought to go into the fridge and get my milk and butter. Simple enough? Alas... no. There was no milk, nor was there any butter...
Oh, the horror! the horror!
I couldn't let such food go to waste, it would be... well... a waste! That and my tummy wasn't about to wait to prepare something else. So i scanned the fridge, and found... A pitcher of water, and a tub of cream cheese. Close enough! We're back in business.
After the whole draining and what have you, i poured my on-the-fly ingredients into the mix. At this point, it looked decent, but the smell.... whoa, the smell. Not only was i replacing butter with cream cheese, but i didnt bother to check i had dumped in a a 1/4 cup of that flavoured kind. you know the one with berries and stuff for dipping? <=P
But i pressed on. In went the cheese mix, and the filtered water. Mmm, what a sight (no, not really).
Now came the final test, consumption. *gulp*. It didnt go down too badly, a bit creamier than expected, and it left and funny after-taste between mouthfuls. I think i got around three good bites into my mouth before i noticed it was getting considerably more difficult to spoon out of my bowl. This was no simple meal anymore, this was a fight. I looked at the so called food, and it looked at me. Both our glares long and stone cold. Two more mouthfulls... now a chore to chew, and finally... It won... i was defeated. bested by a bowl of proccessed food. The hideous clump of barely edible paste, had gongealed into a revolutionary epoxy/mortar/insulator.
With an overwhelming sense of failure, i recovered my fork. Though on its prongs, sat the 'thing', as if mocking me. Furious, I made my way to garbage bin beneath the sink, and gave it one flick after the other, accompanied with various curses. Curses which did not cease until i heard the ominous 'thunk' as it hit the floor of the receptacle. My head hung, i dragged my feet back to my chair, and sat before my computer once again. The very place i had started before peeking into the pantry. My stomach growled...
*the single, overhead spotlight dims, and the curtains draw closed. The lone figure seated on a simple wooden stool, fades into the enveloping darkness as their tale comes to an end*
Perhaps i just needed more water? |
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Re: How not to make Oatmeal
Posted: 08 Mar 2004 05:27 AM |
What?! Huh?! What are you talkin about SpaciousQ? I got about to the second paragraph before I half fell asleep on alo's and I didn't even make it to the second paragraph on your book!
With a Passion, Sion
Ps: I'm sure you both put a tonne of effort into your works but I don't think anybody with half a brain would go to the presses. |
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate. |
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Re: How not to make Oatmeal
Posted: 08 Mar 2004 09:57 AM |
Well, here is my food related "oops", but it does not entail cooking.
When I lived in Houston my spouse and I ordered a box of fillets from Omaha Steaks. These are mail order high quality beefproducers that are nationally, or perhaps even internationally, known for quality, but at a price. The package duly arrived and I looked in the shipping carton and saw 2 packets inside. One was a simple brown paper wrapped parcel-like object and the other was a beautifully designed, (I am a graphic designer) four color printed cardboard box. Happily I took the last mentioned and put it in the freezer and tossed the other in the garbage. The next night I went to cook some steaks for dinner and discovered to my horror that the colorful box I had put in the freezer contained the dry ice and the brown paper parcel I had tossed was the now-defrosted-and-not-fit-to-eat-steaks.
Live and learn. I never ordered from Omaha Steaks again.
C |
Rutger_13
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Not all who wander are lost |
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Re: How not to make Oatmeal
Posted: 08 Mar 2004 11:17 AM |
| I once made a cake from a recipe given to me by a friend. It called for 1 - 2 cups molasses, I thought. I made it, and it was a little strong, but I liked it. I served it to my friend and some others, and told them it was her recipe. She got very upset and insisted I had not made it correctly. So, I retrieved her handwritten recipe card and we discussed it. It turns out she meant 1/2 but she had been in a hurry and it got kind of stretched out. *laughs* |
Dieties preserve us from the evil chaotics named Lag, Crash, and Server Reset.
PCs: Loli Dankirk (Ftr 18/Brd 8.5 @ 1777 hrs) left Vives for Origins; Gnora Gnombody (Sor 5 @ 54 hrs) and Amanda Stark (Wiz 3 @ ~10 hrs) left Vives for Feline Providence. |
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Re: How not to make Oatmeal
Posted: 25 Mar 2004 08:29 AM |
ROTFLMFAO @ Spacious
My friend, that was a top notch story! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
"Disgrace is worse than death" - Honorary Canadian - "Post away, you scurvey malcontent!" - Nadroj Nospmas |
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Re: How not to make Oatmeal
Posted: 25 Mar 2004 07:38 PM |
My Dad took a Malaysian cookery course a few years ago, and prepared some gorgeous morrocan lamb, which we all enjoyed.
However, he then decided to venture into the world of desserts...
True to my Dad's style, everything was meticulously weighed out, and the apricot tart was going to be a masterpiece. (glazing and everything;) )
Once cooked, he proceeded to carefully remove the tart from the oven. Which would have been fine... except for the fact that he'd forgotten that the tin was loose bottomed - and therefore proceeded to flip the tart upwards where it did a very dramatic somersalt before landing on the floor.
The wrong side up, of course. ;)
Needless to say, it was still delicious. If somewhat... uh... artistically rearranged!
He's never made a dessert since - although he claims that this is because the amount of sugar they require is enough to make any dentist pale ;). We don't believe him. |
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