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Margraves guide to sheep rearing
Posted: 03 Feb 2017 06:28 PM |
So, I'm about to buy a new PC so was looking through the dusty recesses of this one to see what I want to keep. And found this hidden "treasure", text to a book that did actually make it in game.
Saving for posterity here!
Margrave’s guide to sheep rearing.
~ This text has several very vivid, and quite shocking painted images of a diminutive, well dressed figure with an impressively large nose getting very close and personal with a wide variety of sheep. The practices he seems to be engaged in seem unlike any normal farmyard activity you have ever heard of ~
~ The text itself seems to be an in depth study of how to care for, and ensure the well being of sheep. The means of doing this seem to involve many exercises of a pseudo sexual nature, and some acts that quite frankly you wish you had never come to know of. Some of the key lines that almost jump off the pages follow… ~
The “bighorn” variant of sheep is not just named as such for the protruding ridge upon its forehead. Oh no, it is also an incredibly well endowed beast, and it is essential for its care that this…endowment receive frequent and regular stimulation. See the adjacent picture for some suggested tips on how best to achieve this…
The bond between a sheep and its master can become very deep, a love and affection can form that is almost akin to that shared between a mage and their familiar. But in order for this to happen, sufficient time and care must be taken. If your wife or family feel that this is occupying too much of your time and attention, it may be necessary to ask them to leave the homestead. After all, they can never share such a deep bond with you as the one you will form if you follow all the guidelines I lay out here…
The depth and colour of a sheep’s wooly coat, one of their most attractive features after all, is dependent on the love and attention the animal receives from you. One of the best cleansers for the wool of your sheep comes from the natural aftermath of this “love and attention”…see picture adjacent.
~ The contents of this book continue in a similar vein for many chapters, written with a passion and depth of knowledge none could surely surpass. The novel is signed… ~
My first true love was named Flossy, and never have I known such happiness as the blissful times we spent prancing around the fields of Brandibuck together. It is my fondest hope, dear reader, that you will come to know this special feeling too.
Master Margrave, sheep rearer and lover of the first order.
~ Any experts in handwriting or the art of forgery may notice this text differs ever so slightly from its supposed predecessor, but it is a very high quality forgery, if not truly written by the legendary Margrave ~ |
'The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.' - Richard Bach, Illusions. |
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Re: Margraves guide to sheep rearing
Posted: 07 Feb 2017 04:17 AM |
| Amazing hahahahaha! |
ONWARD AND UPWARD! |
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Re: Margraves guide to sheep rearing
Posted: 07 Feb 2017 04:17 AM |
| Amazing hahahahaha! |
ONWARD AND UPWARD! |
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Re: Margraves guide to sheep rearing
Posted: 12 Feb 2017 07:58 PM |
| hahahahaha |
Famous last words:
Mykal> it's my new wireless router.
* > Mykal has quit (Ping timeout)
Vulpina> Hey!! IRC didn't boot m.....
* > Vulpina has quit (Exit: DarkMyst WebChat) |
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Re: Margraves guide to sheep rearing
Posted: 27 May 2017 03:58 AM |
| Sharing this with a co-worker of mine. He too is a sheep rearer and lover of the first order... ;) |
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Re: Margraves guide to sheep rearing
Posted: 08 Nov 2017 06:57 PM |
OMG so happy to find people still posting here! I thought all this long dead. Miss all of you guys.
VK |
"You know, a gong. Large, flat object that you hit when you want things. Sort of like a waiter, but less portable."
-Radra |
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Re: Margraves guide to sheep rearing
Posted: 14 Dec 2017 04:45 PM |
| Its amazing how often I come back here and check out the forums and read the posts. Still great stuff and memories. Such great times. |
ONWARD AND UPWARD! |
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Re: Margraves guide to sheep rearing
Posted: 02 Nov 2018 01:28 PM |
At some point I’m going to have to shut this place down.
Before I do, I’ll see if I can make a downloadable version for anyone who’d like to browse it. |
Purpose in life: finding better ways of allowing players to kill themselves. Repeatedly.
--
"...Cause he mixes it with love
And makes the world taste good."
--
<@James42> Lawful good isn't in your vocabulary, it's on your menu.
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