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Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 19 Feb 2004 01:53 PM |
Things have been moving so fast since I arrived...I finally found a place where I could purchase a bound book suitable for recording notes on events, so that I may remember them later.
Today, I visited Gepetto's to gain some information on the possibility of finding someone to teach me to craft instruments. I have so far not been able to find a suitable instrument in my price range, nor a person to teach me how to make one. I do so miss Leta, my lute from home...
As I was exciting Gepetto's I ran into one person after another. There was quite a crowd! I was just beginning to rev myself up for a song, when the earth began to shake! I was quite frightened! The group then decided to travel together to the Great Plains, to see if there were any dangers present (apparently, this has happened here in the past.) Fortunately, there were no dangers present save some rabid badgers which were quickly dispatched with no injury to any..
A most wondrous thing did happen..Master Coruva has engaged me to compose a song of love and passion for the wedding of Callia and Chandler! I am most excited, and began to compose it in my head almost immediately. Lack of knowledge of the subjects may hinder me some, but I intend to ask around for evidence of their great love, one for the other. They are people of great beauty and valor, and a fitting song should not be difficult to compose. I am most honored, and was taken quite by surprise...
The rest of the eve was eventful as well...in our travels to Ferein, in which Elvalia spoke of a debt to be paid, and a story she must tell (which, unfortunately, was postponed in the excitement to follow), we encountered many wondrous beings. I have seen the skull of a troll, with it's large teeth, and formidable size. I was lucky enough to see the real thing, as my companions, being much stronger and capable in the fight than I, were able to combat them on our way. They are not quite as large as I had imagined, but fearsome nonetheless. My party fought valiantly, led by Coruva the Brave, and his valiant lady Avari.
After battling with small creatures of light, that bit quite fearsomely (I also have a rash this morning, I believe as a result of one of their bites), we ventured into an area where we fought large beings that seemed to have little substance. However, upon close inspection, they have a formidable physcial presence. The bravery of our party was enough to overcome them, however, and we cleansed the road of their threat.
We were joined at some point by Sinjin, the wise monk, and gathered round for a rousing conversation and debate. All in all, I was happy to take my rest at the end of the day, and have much to think on...I told the story of my ousting for the first time, and am still in a place of emotion. I must to rest, and to praying for peace and guidance... |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 29 Feb 2004 10:50 AM |
My heart is in an uproar. I do not know what it means, or how to remedy it! Oh, I am sad and joyful at once. Is it possible to care for two men at once? I tell myself that it is not, that one bond must be lesser than the other...but how? When I am with one, I feel that bond the strongest, and then I am with the other I feel that one more...when I am with them both together, I feel my soul soar and plummet all at once!
I spent the entire night praying for peace to the lady Elbereth..and yet, I still have not found an answer. I spoke to Sinjin, I could not keep the secret of Mykals kiss from him, and he offered to go off into the desert alone, and leave me to Mykal if it would make me happy. I spoke to Mykal, telling him I had not kept the secret from Sinjin, and his face turned to stone before he quickly took his leave without a word. How can I choose one over the other? How can I hurt one I care about so much...yet either choice and my heart breaks.
Perhaps if I could speak to someone, unburden my heart and ask for advice. But, there is no one to speak with that is not skewed to one way. Bronwyn, of course...well, I cannot speak of it to her. That is a further entanglement, and one I will not complicate my thoughts with at the moment. It seems she was correct after all in her assessment of Mykal and I that eve...
It seems I will continue to pray, and to fumble through, and hope that my poor heart does not overcome my mind, leading me to madness... |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 29 Feb 2004 11:12 AM |
It seems further is afoot than my poor hearts affairs...there is evil loose in Vives, and it threatens to overtake us all. I was traveling with my dear Sinjin, returning to Midor after an entertaining day of exploration. As we entered into Brandibuck, there was a great commotion. Many strong fighters were assembled about, and fighting a giant black demon with glowing red eyes. As I took in this assessment, I was knocked to the ground by something, and lost consciousness for a time. Would that that were the only time I ended face down in the dust on that day...
When I awoke, there was a great crowd. It seems a child, part demon, is at play in our land, summoning Balors and other evils at her whim. The lady Solitaire had spoken with the child before she grew angry. The others had some other knowledge than I, knowing that the lady of Ladriel is the childs mother, and so we organized a foray to the Tower of Ladriel to speak with her.
There is too much for me to write now...but suffice it to say that we were attacked many times, and many seasoned fighters were wounded on the field of battle that day. As we arrived at the tower, we were told the lady was gone, and we must needs go in search of her. Past the tower, it seems to the pillar of Nairrane, or some such as that (I was distraught, and cannot remember it aright.). We were warned strenuously not to go underground, and then we were on our way. As we exited...we were attacked once more from all sides. It was a horrible fight, and I went down as i was attacked by a giant thing with huge claws and teeth...When I awoke, it was as if from a dream, and I discovered that although all nine of us had been killed, we had been revived by a great glowing white bird...I am in awe of this still...it seems as if it were a dream. But yet, it was not the only time I would die that day, and the second time from foolishness.
After we had collected ourselves as much as we may, we made our way past and through to a place guarded by a tall tree which we must needs defeat to go past. Then, to go on, it seemed our choices were two. Firstly, a bridge with a locked gate. Secondly, a cave which led underground...a place we were warned not to venture. As we tried the gate, a man in black robes, with a white, sickly death face stood before us, after a great rumbling of the earth. He spoke to us that we may not pass, and we bartered with him at length...At last he spoke that he would let us pass for a portion of the soul of the Lady we sought.
We argued at length which path we would take. Avari spoke wisely that it was not our soul to barter with, and that she would be angry if Coruva were to barter her soul. Sinjin spoke wisely as well, that he would not barter with my soul, and that it was a trick of the gatekeeper. Alas, I was confused, and spoke for both sides, not knowing which was the wisest choice only that we must get to the lady...
Eventually, we chose the gate...unwisely it seems. The gatekeeper killed us all, leaving us dead on the bridge, and went off to seek what he wanted. It seems that, unwise though we were, our higher purpose was true. A Solar came and resurected us for the second time. Weary and hurt as we were, we had no choice but to proceed. Finally, we reached the Pillar that we sought, the tower of a great mage guarded by undead. We fought our way to the top, and met the Lady we had searched for. She was in a daze, however, and we waited patiently for her return. Finally, she returned to her senses, and spoke to us of being stolen away and entrapped on the tower. She felt that her power had returned sufficiently, however, and she magicked us back to the tower of Ladriel.
I am confused and concerned by the implications of all of this. It seems that nothing was accomplished, for all of our striving and valiant fighting on the parts of the heroes. Sinjin, Coruva, Avari, Gasher, Calia, Aloria, and many, many others journeyed with us, and yet no resolution was found. It seems I will be praying to the lady quite often anymore, and looking for the answers to this great evil. I fear what comes...
I must return to the Unicorn at some point, my travels have left me no time in the past weeks for resting there and song singing. Perhaps it would be healing to my heart to do so... |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 11 Mar 2004 03:28 PM |
My heart is both heavy and light. There is so much happening that my head spins! Firstly, my affairs of the heart seem settled, yet there is much hanging still. I feel there is no other course than the one that I am on, and I am happy with Sinjin. Though it hurts deeply that I must choose between them..oh! I reject the notion! But, I must to leave one free to love another. He says he will not, but he must...just as he must see me happy with Sinjin, whatever the cost to him. It is his code that binds him thus, I see it since he has spelled it out for me. I admire his honor, while I despise it at the same time. I do not agree, but it seems I have a code of my own, which I also will not break. Ah! If only one or the other of us were not so strong willed....
And, more tryingly, there is a great evil at work in this land. It seems that every corner turned, Fri'el (I refuse to call her lady in this, my private book, though it seems I must to her face or risk death or worse) is plaguing those I call friend. Even now, she holds Evaramier captive, and we must do her evil will to retrieve him. I am conflicted, but we must save Evaramier, who is alive, even at the cost of disturbing the peace of the dead. I am resolved that this must be stopped...there only remains to find a way. I know that I am not strong enough myself to do this..only that it must be done... |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 12 Mar 2004 09:37 AM |
| *peeks in Machas journal to see if she wrote anything new* |
Humbly Submitted,
Sinjin Kane |
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 12 Mar 2004 10:59 AM |
| Checking a ladies Journal is a very serious matter. *Tisk tisk* Friend Sinjin. |
Never argue with an idiot.
They drag you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.
Akril
Quinellieth. 20th Circle of the Order of the Ring |
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 12 Mar 2004 06:50 PM |
Much has happened in the last days. Perhaps this should be what I have engraved on my headstone, when the time comes. Ah, to think I once dreamed the life of the bard would be a simple one, roaming from Inn to Inn, entertaining with far reaching stories and uplifting songs...alas, it is not so. I roam, very far, and very near, and never so close to what I'd call home. At times I fear what will become of me...
Sinjin came to me with alarming news today, that the God Gukathal, of evil most vile, came to him! I was most distressed, but even moreso at what he had said. He told Sinjin that if he did not come up with a fitting punishment for defiling what they call a temple (revolting!), he would punish Sinjin by coming after his friends! It seems that Evaramier, myself and Aloria were mentioned firsthand...
I spoke that I would not bend to evil, whatever the consequences. If need be, I would lay myself to rest in the Mother's arms before I would succumb to the will of the evil God, or the woman who calls herself Lady and Priestess (the nerve!). I spoke bravely, but I fear that when I think of those I love dearly, I wonder where my resolve would be if they were threatened...I spoke to Lambert and Sinjin, saying that something must be done to vanquish this evil and leave us in peace!
Sinjin and I traveled to Ferein, to pray in the temple there and request the aid and advice of my Lord and Lady. Aros appeared himself! I am in awe of this..although I had heard that it had happened...I did not ever see it myself! I suppose the need was great enough...Aros spoke that evil was very deceptive, and appeared in ways that were both direct and subtle. I asked him then, if evil had no hold over us save that which we gave it, and he laughed! He said that I was correct, and Sinjin said that next time he would not bend to evil, but declare boldly that it had not control over him, and could do what it would to no effect! That we would denounce evil to the ends of the world and beyond! And Aros said that Sinjin, also, was correct. It was good to speak to the God, and to know that indeed he and the Lady Elbereth are watching over me.
I still hold the babe, we have not found the family as yet. A sweetness, and yet, I feel not ready for motherhood. It seems my travels make it difficult to stay put. I will be relieved and saddened to see the child gone.
My heart feels slightly heavy, and conflicted still, moreso after my argument with dear Mykal the other night. I fear I need a rest from emotions of the heart, a small break for quiet contemplation and prayer. I am overwrought with the events of past days, my wrongful accusations towards poor Calia, and all that has transpired. Perhaps I will venture now to the Tears of my Lady, to pray and heal... |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 13 Mar 2004 02:24 AM |
((ooc - flirting with a priestess of Gukathal is a very serious matter. *Tisk tisk* Friend Akril
lol
- Paul)) |
Purpose in life: finding better ways of allowing players to kill themselves. Repeatedly.
--
"...Cause he mixes it with love
And makes the world taste good."
--
<@James42> Lawful good isn't in your vocabulary, it's on your menu.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 15 Mar 2004 06:08 PM |
I have acted a total fool, it seems...Mykal is right, I have been childish, as well as selfish. I am appalled at my behavior. After speaking with Sinjin, and then Mykal, I see that everything I have thought to be true and fair is simply that I wish to have everything that I want, and I would not hear differently. I fear that honor and loyalty are lost to me...though I am resolved to atone for my actions. I know that I will never be able to repair what I have destroyed, and I only hope that I did not harm those that I care so deeply for too much.
I have prayed much to the Lady Elbereth of late, and have dedicated myself into her nurturing arms. As my atonement, I will do everything in my power to help those in need, and to cleanse the evil from the land. I will also devote my love and loyalty to dear Sinjin, honoring the vow that I gave to him from the start. Mykal, I will do the honor and respect of modeling his code, which I have a small understanding of now.
Oh, how did I not see this before? Of course I could not force my will on others, expecting them to give their love to me simply for the asking, while I did what I wished! Follow my heart, what advice could I follow so wrongly? For while what is in my heart is love, my actions led to pain...I will attempt to redeem myself in some small portion to the Mother of us all, and to those I love however I may. I am dedicated to this path, and may the Lady grant that my foolishness does not tempt me astray once more.
I still see that with love, anything can happen. It is just that we must not be blind to the path, and the impact of our actions on others. I am no different from anyone in my capacity to love, but as Mykal says, I must master my heart, and know what can be and what cannot. I asked too much of them...and then blamed them for what they could not give. What folly and foolishness! At the very least, Sinjin has forgiven me, although I know that it will take time to win back his trust...Mykal, I fear, is beyond me. I only hope that someday, somehow, I can tell him that I understand, now...I owe him much, for the gift of growing up. I am no longer a child... |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 05 Apr 2004 10:42 AM |
Loccard has been captured. It is a great relief to me, but a far greater burden now lies upon me. There are those who call for his head, even Master Xaranthier speaks of a debt he would repay. I myself have a vow to repay Loccard for all he has done, though it seems that I may not get the chance. But it also seems I was right in my intuition that to harm Loccard we lose Mykal..even moreso, since they are connected by some mysterious forbidden ritual. Xaranthier says that he fears this will involve a similar ritual to get the piece of his soul that Loccard holds back, and that this may be harmful to the person performing it. I am fearful what it may come down to...but I have my vow.
My greatest purpose in this is the saving of Mykal...revenge upon Loccard, upon the vampires as a whole, these may be set aside. They must be, if I am to achieve my goal. I told Calia once that one person is not greater than the whole, and that I would not give myself over to evil to save any one. I see now that I do not have that strength. For my loved ones, I will do what is necessary. It is my duty to them...my atonement for being the cause of their pain. Or perhaps it is selfishness...and unwillingness to let them go.
Whatever it is, I will do whatever it is that I must do, whatever I may offer to the cause is there.
I have spent much time in prayer to Elbereth, as my rage at Loccard brings me great concern. I want to hurt him, very badly. This has never been my way..I have a temper, yes. But I want to bring pain to Loccard, I want to hurt him in return for what he did to Aloria, what he is doing to Mykal. When I think of him, only thoughts of revenge burn in my heart, my body goes rigid and my hands turn into fists. The only thing that stops me from demanding to see him, to get answers from him myself, to torture him until he cannot bear it...the only thing stopping me is the knowledge that to do so harms Mykal. What is becoming of me?
We assemble a party to return to Maldovia for Mykal. I do not know that I will return, or what may happen to me afterwards, what I may have to sacrifice to return Mykal. Let it be known here that I do what I must, for loyalty and for love. And if I am gone, I pray to Elbereth that she watch over them, and I hope that they may find love in their hearts, and care for each other in my memory. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 06 Apr 2004 01:28 PM |
I have spent much of my time in the past days in either prayer or solitude. I fear to venture out into the world, to see any of those I care for, as my state of mind is decidedly unsettled. I find myself wandering, through the Tears of Elbereth and into Midor, past the temple of Midoran, where I stare at the steps that Mykal and I have sat on many a time in anger and in love, in friendship and despair, listening to the bells ring. I walk past the library that Master Xaranthier calls home. I cannot count the times I have stopped myself from invading that sanctuary, demanding to be taken to Loccard....But I must. I must leave the planning of the rescue to those that know tactics best, though I fear we take too long. I must leave the study of this mysterious ritual to Master Xaranthier, though I fear that even if there is a way I will not be allowed to fulfill it. And through it all, all I can do is sit and pray, or rage at the empty sky. I no longer sing, in emptiness and despair I cannot find my voice. There is no one to find me, and I am alone. I should find Sinjin, and confide in him as I often do, but I fear I drag him down with my melancholy and despair. My happiness at the price of his...it is no bargain and I love him too dearly to cause him this pain.
Today, I awoke from a dream in which a lovely white bird, surrounding by a halo of brilliant light, sat softly on my shoulder and sang to me. The song was sad and joyful at once, and unrepeatable in it's beauty. Then the bird flew away, and I was alone with my tears. I woke with the tears still on my face, and my heart pounding with joy and pain at the same time.
Soon I will seek out the others and see what they plan. And devote myself fully to this cause, as to no other. I must not lose myself in this...I must not give up hope. I return to my prayers, as I fear my ramblings do nothing other than confuse my soul. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 07 Apr 2004 12:32 PM |
| Fantastic Stuff! :) |
Vives Screenshots!
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 08 Apr 2004 10:44 AM |
I have spoken much to others over the last day, and I think I have come to terms with my thoughts and feelings. At least as much as I may. At the very least, I must stay strong for the coming days. Others have more faith in me than I have in myself, it seems. They tell me repeatedly that I am not to blame for the death that seems to follow constantly in my wake, and that it is only that I place myself in it's path so readily that I see it so often. Perhaps they are right...Action is the only thing that I see as a possibility now. I will not simply lie down and die, letting evil take it's course. The mother teaches of balance, as well. I must think more deeply on that, a time.
In one days time, we go for Mykal. I must rouse myself to the task, and try to find my voice once more. This is most of what I am capable of contributing in battle, I fear, and without it I would be next to useless. My support is needed, if we are to do this thing. I put away my melancholy and guilt, and devote myself to the task at hand. I draw on the trust and confidence of the others, who warm my heart with their assertion of their surety in my goodness and the love in my heart. The Mother truly guides me, her hand in mine....
I go to kneel in prayer once more, and then again to the company of my friends. We will hearten and comfort each other this night, and prepare for the battle to come. I compose a song of victory, although it may have no words, I will sing it loudly so that those of evil may hear it and cringe. We will retrieve him...I must hold this thought deeply in my heart, and carry it with such conviction that the others will have no doubt. Come what may, he will be brought home.... |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 08 Apr 2004 10:54 AM |
| ((You're giving me chills)) |
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.
-Henry David Thoreau
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 09 Apr 2004 09:18 PM |
Tonight is the night. I have prayed as much as I can, and take my leave now. This journal is left in the safekeeping of this good spirit, and I trust that if it is of any use to anyone, the Mother will guide them to it. Otherwise, she may hold it for all eternity, a small piece of this child of hers. If I return, I will retrieve it myself. If I do not....
I was in the presence of the Mother today, in the form of a Lady Hawk with eyes of emerald green. In her light, I felt calm and at peace, knowing what it was that I must do. Stay true to ourselves, and protect our people. This is the guidance I came away with, after speaking with Bronwyn in her presence. Seek the balance...and sometimes that is to kill with one hand those who would destroy you and yours, while nurturing with the other. This is the path I am on. It is not an easy path, nor one that I ever sought. But it is mine.
I go into what I fear may be my death, and yet I may not do other. Protect my people...these are my people. Those who I love, and who love me. Those who protect me, and heal me, and would return to me a thousand times that which I give them freely. And I have vowed no less for them. I am but a simple, foolish girl..and yet I am blessed with such love and devotion as the highest power. I cannot ask for my safe return, and I have received confirmation that my actions are true to myself, as true as I can be. I can do no less for the love that guides me, and supports me through all. If I do not return, let it be known that I did no less than what was deserved, and I did it of my own free will. Love is stronger than death, and I rest in my Mothers arms. I am at peace, knowing I fulfilled my true path unerring to my end.
If I come back..if I come back, I will come back changed. There is not doubt in my mind as to the certainty of this. I do not know how. I only know the truth of it. It matters little, until such time as it is in front of me.
I give myself into My Lady's hand. I am hers whatever comes. I have no fear of dying, except the fear that I will die before my task is complete. Let it be so that the others are saved, even if I am not. Let it be so. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 09 Apr 2004 09:23 PM |
| ((This last one is my favorite of the bunch. Superb)) |
Three sisters, born of the Sea
A sad fate t'was in store for thee
Oh Vaisha, Vahlah and Vallaesha |
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 10 Apr 2004 04:21 PM |
I have returned, and the others with me. All of us but the one we went for, and the one who I knew would betray us. The one who played with us as a cat plays with the mouse before the kill. I have little doubt he knew what was to come, and what we were there to witness. For what other reason would he lead us there? And he must have known the truth, possessing a piece of Mykals soul, a connection beyond mundane. Even I knew the truth, though I worked hard to deny it, allowing myself only the thought that we would bring him home. We have brought him home, and yet he is lost to me in all ways but what burns still in my heart and my memories.
I sit here in the cavern of sorrows, and remember. I remember all of the times, when my heart burst with joy at the sight of him, as well as the times that my frustration and anger led me to speak in harshness. I did not choose him...and yet still he was mine in my heart, and my soul breaks at the loss of his presence. I sit and remember, and know the tears I cry are for myself, and my loss. He is finally at peace, the petty things of this world beyond him now. But oh, how I grieve for myself...
I know that it is selfish of me, that even now Syn roams this land freely and we must find a way to check him. And yet, I ask myself...what good can I do for it? The one mission that meant the most to me, and to my heart, I have failed in. And if I can fail in that, what makes me believe I am of use in any other? And so, I sit alone in this place of sorrow, thinking useless thoughts and circling back again and again to one thing...pain, and what it means. I do not know yet, it is still too sharp within me. Perhaps one day I will come to understand ...perhaps it is simply the balance I am given to the joy I have known. Perhaps... |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 10 Apr 2004 06:47 PM |
*sobs*
((saddest story-line. ever. utterly brilliant)) |
Sai Barris, Scamp-at-Large
Cynda LeRange, Reporter, Port Royale
Parson Droim Raine, Preacha o da Word o Swiftfoot |
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 13 Apr 2004 05:39 PM |
I sit here in the courtyard of Queen Aquinas palace and marvel at the things that happen all around me. My songs and my voice are acclaimed, and it does warm my heart. My friends surround me and uplift me, those that remain here. The others, I miss with a heart already sore. I know within that it will heal in time, but it seems now that it will be forever in coming. And I wonder if it can...if I can allow it. I am determined to remember, to remain devoted to the memory of those I love. Especially Mykal, who I failed so wholly, in so many ways.
So much has happened, and yet it seems the world spins around me. I spend much time alone, in contemplation and in prayer, trying to come to terms with what has changed within me. I knew I would be forever changed by my journey into Maldovia, but I could never have anticipated how, or the great harm my actions would lead me to.
Perhaps I should have given in to my desire and killed Loccard. Would this have saved us from this fate? Perhaps, perhaps not. They had Mykal already...would it have been done with or without us to witness? Were we but the icing on the cake for them? I feel only that I did not act swiftly enough, and Mykal is dead now because of it. How late were we? It does not matter, because he is gone. And still, I do not see what I would have done differently other than acting more swiftly. I could not have done to Loccard anything that might have brought harm to Mykal. Though I have caused much harm to those I loved, I have never done it purposely.
And now I ponder the question..who am I? To what purpose am I here? I would have said at one time, to fight evil and to right wrongs. But I am finding, more and more, that these things are not as black and white as once I thought they were. Even to myself, they change. To love, that is the only reason I can find that stays true in my heart. But then I must ponder the nature of love, the meaning of love. Should I love everyone in equal measure, or only those who I feel deserve it? How do I judge this? Who am I to judge this?
Only one thing seems clear...I must look closely at myself, and my motivations, before I set a course. I love, and I sing. These things are, forever. The rest...the rest I will find in time. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 16 Apr 2004 03:41 PM |
Just when I think that my life is settling, that I may possibly come to terms with my grief and move forward, it seems that something new comes to perch upon my shoulder. I received a letter from my mother this morning. It looks to have been some time in the coming, which I am not surprised for. I am truly not sure how it reached me, as it has my name as she knew me as the address, and no clue other than my description and that I sing. It seems not to matter, however, since it reached me anyway.
The letter informs me of a terrible truth, and is lacking in sentiment of any kind other than a plea to come home and help with the arrangements. It seems father has died, and the council is without their head. I do not know why I am needed with the arrangements...father was the council head for as long as I remember, and I do not know what is involved in the choosing. I know little to nothing of politics...and there remains the circumstance under which I left home in the first place. As for the rest, I can mourn father as well here as there. Mother...she said last we met that she did not wish to see me anymore. In the letter, she speaks otherwise. But I do not know what I would say if I were to see her, and share in her grief. Surely she would want to know my story...and what would I tell her that would not shame her more? Share my grief with her? Share pain and joy together? I cannot see it...though the thought opens a yearning in my heart.
I am not sure what to do. In my current circumstance, a part of me longs for the home that I left, the comforts of the place where I grew and learned. The place that made me a part of who I am. There is a small measure of comfort in that...the familiar. Both the place I am and the place from which I came hold grief...but this place is not mine as the other is. It is offered that Devian will come for me, if I wish it. Only one thing remains to be said...do I wish it? |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 20 Apr 2004 01:13 PM |
It is done. I have written to Mother, asking her to please send Devian for me. My friends, dear as they are to me, counsel me to caution. They fear for me, and I love them for it. And yet...my home, my family, calls out to me. My heart, already sore, longs for the forgiveness that the call to come back home implies.
I have promised to let them speak to Devian, to try to sense his true intentions. He was once very dear to me. After all this time, I feel excited to see him again, and to talk with him of home and of the things that I have learned. Everyone from home..to see them again, to share news, to talk of our lives. It is beyond me, and my heart leaps at the possibilities.
I have also promised that I will not go alone, whatever happens. I understand their concern for me and yet...these are my people, my family. I do not think they would purposely hurt me now. They know where I am, who I am. If they intended to hurt me, they could do so. Instead, they extend their arms to me, they invite me back home to be a part of their lives. They are not bad people...they simply act to protect themselves, as all people do. Sometimes in grief and desperation, in love and loyalty, we react wrongly, and only later do we see the fault in our actions, the hurt and pain we have caused. I can forgive them their actions, as others have forgiven me mine. For love.
I send my letter, and hope that it is well-received. I will wait eagerly until it's return..the return of my place, my family. The return of belonging. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 12 May 2004 12:31 PM |
Devian has arrived. I have mixed emotions, and yet I feel very calm. Of course, he is disappointed in my choice of companions and my lifestyle. Given where we come from, I anticipated that. But..he also says that the village will welcome me home. I thought never to see home again, nor those I loved there. And Devian...he says that he came himself, against the wishes of the council, to bring me back. Four years I've been gone...yet it seems that he waited for me.
One thing is very clear to me...I must go at least to participate in the ceremony to replace my father as High Councillor. And to see my Mother once more, and ask her forgiveness for my selfish actions. It is my hope that there is truth to what Devian says, and that the village will accept me again. I do not know if I can stay there, and give up what I have gained since leaving....but I know that I cannot do both. I will have to pray for guidance and wisdom once I am there and make my decision. Elbereth has told me already, there is a difference between being welcome and being welcomed. We will see what the difference is.
In talking to Coruva and on reflection, I realize now that I have refused to acknowledge who I am. I have been called upon several times to embrace my heritage, and yet I stubbornly insist on standing in the middle. But I see, now...I am not. I am dedicated to Mother Elbereth, I sing the elven songs, and tell the elven stories. I see more and more that I am elven, if not wholly in blood still in my heart. I have chosen this path, and it has chosen me. And so, I will walk it.
I make my preparations to leave. In two days, I go home again. Some of my dearest friends will come with me, and I am grateful for their support. Two days...and so much still to do.
OOC:
Friday 10 p.m. est (GMT -5) Macha is going home We will meet at the Broken Mask and take it from there. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 13 May 2004 09:49 PM |
Today I have had a revelation...it occurred to me more clearly where my path has led me. I understand now at least a little more fully the path that I have chosen. In my dedication to the Mother, I have vowed to do her will, to uphold the balance and the cycle. The only thing she has asked of me is to follow her in both word and deed, and never to forsake her for the empty promises of power that surround us. She warned me before she accepted me that the path would be difficult.
The balance....it seems simple enough. I am learning now what it means to me, and how difficult indeed my path seems to me now. Everything in balance...joy, sorrow, pain, truth, killing, love - even love. My soul cries out in loneliness, even as I am surrounded by companions. I have love and friendship, and loneliness and pain, all contained within my heart. I have love, and I am alone. I know joy, and sorrow still finds a place within me. I am in balance. It is as it should be. And yes, it is hard. And yet...it is my path, and there is joy in it. I am learning...balance, the cycle. It is within me. And the Mother is with me always. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 14 May 2004 03:00 PM |
<ooc>
Friday 10 p.m. est (GMT -5) Macha is going home We will meet at the Broken Mask and take it from there.
Is this event still on? I've heard rumours that it has been postponed.
- Paul
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Purpose in life: finding better ways of allowing players to kill themselves. Repeatedly.
--
"...Cause he mixes it with love
And makes the world taste good."
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<@James42> Lawful good isn't in your vocabulary, it's on your menu.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 14 May 2004 04:10 PM |
| It has been postponed. |
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.
-Henry David Thoreau
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