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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 14 May 2004 06:46 PM |
| ((In it's place, Stagecrafter's will be presenting it's off-Broadway production of My Fair Lady, starring Muga as Eliza Doolittle and Vidus as that guy. Tickets are still available.)) |
-æsir
"The man that finds himself at a crossroads, and unsure of direction, is not lost. For in truth, all roads will carry him to the same destination - his fate. But it is the determined man that takes the next step." -Aren
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 17 May 2004 12:42 PM |
Tonight, I go home. There is so much in my mind and my heart that I can only resolve to do one thing - take one step at a time and trust my instinct and Elbereth to lead me.
I have done things in the last few days that I would have never thought myself capable of, but I see no other way to have acted. It hurts me that I could deliberately take action against a friend, and yet...in the face of unspeakable evil and defiance of the cycle, as well as injury to other innocents, I did as I felt I had to. Still...a part of me regrets it. What frightens me is that I know that I would do it again...and that it seems to get easier to make that choice. I only hope that we can defeat this, and save Merum as well.
And I am torn...for I am greatly tempted by the possibility of living quietly in my secluded village for the rest of my days. And yet I find myself questioning it too much to allow myself to be happy. Perhaps Devian is right...my life here has brought me to a place where I view everything with suspicion and distrust. I'm beginning to realize that my heart is no longer open to the possibility of joy, and the hope of love. There are larger things out there than me...and these things make it more difficult to do what needs to be done. And so I am faced with a choice...for if I continue to fight for what I believe is good, then I will lose more of myself than I already have. And if I give up, if I run away to a peaceful life...can I let go of the knowledge of what lurks in the world? I see no clear path, no path leading to peace.
I go now to pray, and to make my last preparations. Tonight...I go home. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 23 May 2004 09:52 AM |
It is done, all of it. In going home, I have realized that whatever is now, I cannot go back to what I once was. It was naive of me to think that simply going back to my village would change that. I wish it could be different, but it is not. And one thing was spoken true - I have been living my life in regret, and blaming myself for things that I cannot change. How will I live my life now? I am truly lost...My village seem to be worshippers of the Great Hunter, yet I have placed this knowledge in the hands of those who are better equipped to deal with it than I. In truth, I would rather not return there again, ever.
Merum has been restored to himself, it seems. The last task I vowed myself to is accomplished. I am glad that it is so, for his sake and for Kriayna. I do not know that we have seen the last of the being that took him, but for now it is abated.
And now...I am not quite sure what to do with myself. I find no satisfaction nor pleasure in any of the things that used to enthrall me. Even singing, writing songs and stories of what has come to pass, holds no interest for me. I wish only to forget, and yet I wish desperately to remember. Perhaps a rest will set things right for me... |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 23 May 2004 10:57 AM |
****OOC*****
I just want to say that I love Macha's Journal. Please keep it up!
;)
***OOC**** |
-Narenia
Main PC: Dina Islme |
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 26 May 2004 06:41 PM |
Yesterday, I watched Jessup kill two men. They were guards of Midor, come to capture him at the urging of Lady Blanche for the others he killed in the city. He warned them, before he killed them, and I knew I could do nothing to stop him. And so, I stood and backed away, and I watched. Lady Blanche called him a murderer...I wonder, what constitutes a murder? I myself have killed for what I believe in. Is that murder? Midor held executions recently, killing people for what they believe to be good and right...is that murder? What makes killing murder and wrong, or justified and right? Who becomes the judge?
I sat there and spoke to Blanche, and then to Jessup, and I could not act for or against either of them in good will. Both of them have been friend to me in the past, though we have not always agreed. And Jessup...well, I know that he would do anything for a friend, even revenge. Have I not vowed the same thing myself? To kill those who harmed those I loved? At least Jessup did not act to harm Blanche, though I feared he would when she tried to stop him. Blanche seems unquestioning in her support of her city and her faith, and speaking to her yielded no understanding at all for either of us, I fear.
In the end, I know only this. I have sat wallowing in the depths of despair, of depression, and allowed myself the luxury of not caring. I have seen so many die that it no longer horrifies me, it seems. I feel an apathy overcoming my soul that overrides the Macha that I have been, and though I know it should scare me I find myself in part welcoming the absence of the passion that has marked my actions in the past. I can see that declaring something passionately to be so does not make it so...no matter how strongly you believe, how strongly you desire, how resolutely you act, there is always a counter-point, another way of believing or desiring or acting. Can we say that one is right and the other is wrong? Should we go on believing and desiring and acting anyway, ignorant of what else exists? Doing only what we wish, because there is no greater good, only different ways of doing? I sit and ponder these things, the words going around in my head, and I find that I don't care.
What I once named my strength, the love and emotion my heart once carried, I cannot find. I sit and I watch the fire, and I simply don't care. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 06 Jun 2004 05:04 PM |
It has been many days since I have written anything here, and though I do not feel motivated, I wish to record the thoughts that are circling in my head until I feel it must burst with them. My writing of any kind has been sporadic, I cannot seem to discipline myself to anything but tears and anger alternately.
Firstly I must record an event that places my dear friend Bronwyn in great danger. As we were traveling to Midor the other evening to see if Calia was still imprisoned there, an elven male stepped from behind a tree. He spoke pleasantly enough, at first, greeting us civilly. Though I found it strange that he did not give his name, it is not uncommon enought that I was concerned. As we spoke, he began spouting much of the rhetoric I have heard from many others of late, of all races. He spoke to Bronwyn mostly, of being true to her blood and freeing herself from the taint of the company of unpure ones such as myself, Romulus and Krum (who both had unwittingly wandered into our conversation at some point). I spoke to him that very thing, that many spoke of defending their pure race and eschewing the company of others lest they be tainted, throwing back at him a comment of meaningless chatter that he had so derisively named our conversation at an earlier point.
It was at this time that I realized we spoke to no mere elven male, as he spoke of my murdering my mother. When I replied that she was only killed in her attempt to sacrifice me, his comment was that her only mistake was in thinking I was a worthy sacrifice. I realize now, and truly I knew in the back of my mind then, that I should simply have tried to walk away at that point if he would let me. But I have not yet learned to control my emotion and though I felt frightened, my anger overtook me and I spat at him the first words that came to my head. Truly, this may have been resolved differently, as Bronwyn spoke to him once more and he seemed content to ignore me, but then Romulus spoke in his own language calling him a skunk. As he approached Romulus in anger, words flew from my lips, words that I knew to be a mistake as soon as I spoke them, and I drew the attention of the Hunter to myself once more. This time he came right to my face, and though my mind screamed in terror I made the effort to not show how my body shook, to stop myself from turning and running in fear for surely I stood as much a chance of death in that as in staying and putting on a brave face. I raised my chin to his evil, and indeed he struck a fearsome blow, knocking me to the ground. How I stood again, I am not sure, though it must have been the blood pounding of fear and anger driving me, but stand I did. Bronwyn spoke harsh words to him, and Tarik declared her prey and took his leave - or so we supposed.
After he was gone, my bravado left me and I fell crying to the ground. We spoke of his words, Bronwyn chiding me for feeling sorry for myself. As we spoke, Bronwyn, Krum and I, of a sudden we were set upon by a death slaad that materialized in our path. We rallied as best we could, but Bronwyn and Krum fell, and I ran in a panic chased by the terrifying creature. I know not how fast I ran, but eventually I found myself in Midor where a new panic overtook me. For what would happen to me were I to be seen chased by the creature into the city? Would I be blamed for the death it would most surely cause? Would they think I had led it there on purpose? I ran to the Unicorn, for I was exhausted and dearly wanted to be out of the open. But I sat for only a moment before fear found me, before I thought of Bronwyn and Krum lying fallen in Ladriel. I did not know what to do, but I ran out into the city again, sobbing in my despair and fright. I was panicked, and not thinking clearly, hardly able to string two words together as I out of sheer luck stumbled into Luther, who spoke with Alinana and a man I did not know. Luther's calming presence was able to soothe me enough to explain at least part of what had happened, and their cooler heads prevailed as we went back.
In the end, we found the slaad had chased me all the way to Mirghul, but no further. They dispatched it, and Bron and Krum were able to be healed by the man whose name I am still not sure of. For myself, my heart is worried for Bronwyn and what may come for her. She seems to be the quarry of the hunt now, and I know of no way to keep it from coming to pass.
There is much still to write of, for we returned to Maldovia just the past evening. But I find myself weary and unable to put myself through the emotion of that event just yet. I will rest my head and my heart, and bring myself to my book again after. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 22 Jun 2004 12:55 PM |
I fear what it is that I become. Everything that I have ever worked for, ever thought to be right, I am ready to discard in a single action. For selfishness...to save myself pain. I cannot raise my hand to him, and in that single phrase I betray everything that I have ever been.
I seek another way to release him from his servitude...and know that as always I do not understand all that is involved. It is as a huge riddle..and I have never been good at riddles. Words arranged prettily, and I can appreciate the beauty of their design even as I stand back and gaze in confusion at the intricate pattern they make upon the world. I have sworn allegiance to few..and it seems that those allegiances come together in conflict now and there is only one that I can honor. Perhaps it is myself...
I pray to the Mother for guidance, but even as I do so I make plans to act against her very design. Perhaps she has rejected me already, knowing what is in my heart. I have thought of myself as her child for so long, struggling within myself to understand that path and walk it. And now...now it seems lost.
I swore at one time - when I was sure of right and wrong, and the correct path seemed clear - that I would rather die than serve evil. I know this is still true of me...and yet I will honor my promise, and help him free himself by whatever means necessary. If it comes to that, I will die, as I will not deserve to live after. I will have thrown away whatever part of that girl who once existed ever was, and ever could be, and become what I fought so hard against. I will have become a servant of evil... |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 22 Jun 2004 01:39 PM |
| The one above is one of the best entries to date, IMO. Good job, Macha! |
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.
-Henry David Thoreau
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 24 Jun 2004 01:17 PM |
Nothing is ever as it seems, and yet perhaps it is as simple as that. When you strip away the confusion, the complication, the external circumstance, perhaps it comes down to the one thing - the only thing - you can know. Yourself. That seems complicated enough, and I have asked many times over the past months...who am I?
Am I a servant of the Mother? Can I be, truly, when my heart fights so strongly against the cycle that I refuse to acknowledge death in my heart? When I cling to those who have gone, even when I feel the freshly turned earth of their grave in my hands? Can I espouse balance as I embrace my pain and hold it tightly to myself, refusing to acknowledge joy? I cannot judge...the Mother has not turned me away, yet.
Am I elven? Am I human? Where is the place for both? Must I choose? Always I am told there is a choice, I must choose. Always it seems that what I must choose between is impossible. Who am I? I am both...can I change that? I cannot become wholly elven, nor wholly human. There is no possible existance for me within which I am accepted as either, or both.
These things I know...I feel, and I sing. These things are deeply entwined with my being, and with each other. Inseperable, insurmountable, unchanging. When I do not feel, when I turn away from the waves of emotion, I am thrown about like a ship lost at sea. My voice is no more, and I do not exist. When I allow myself to feel, to float on the tide of my heart, I sing strongly. Perhaps my choices are foolish, but they are mine. I am not a scholar, I am not a sage, I am not a teacher or a pet...I am as that vile man names me. A song bird. I sing, and I fly from branch to branch. Free, unchanging in my change. As I am, not as I could be, as I should be, as they want me to be.
I am....and that is enough. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 04 Aug 2004 02:56 PM |
I barely know what to write, but I feel that if I don't write something I will explode with what is taking place inside of me. Sinjin has returned...he came to the Great Plains with Luther yesterday. I am at a loss for what to make of it truly, and it hasn't anything to do with him and everything to do with me. It wasn't so very long ago that I surrendered myself to the knowledge that he was not coming back, that most likely he was dead and would never be found.
When first I saw him, I was afraid it was a trick. That is must be some demon sent to deceive me once more, to fulfill some diabolical purpose. But no, it is Sinjin, and I am filled with joy at the thought that I was wrong, that he is truly here again. And yet...there is a part of me that holds in reserve, that keeps to itself and cautions me to have a care. With the joy and the love that I feel, I feel also a great fear, a terror that in surrendering once more to the companionship and devotion of love I will be dashed once more into the despair of loneliness when it is taken away.
I know that I cannot go on like this...already I can sense his disappointment in my reaction to his return, to the reserve that I hold to when we are together. I must find a way to let go of this fear, or I will yet lose what is come back to me and I will have none to blame but my foolish self. I search my heart for a way to alleviate my fear, and yet none comes to me but time and trust...one of which I seem to have a limitless supply of and the other which seems to be lost to me almost entirely. I go now to prayer, and to see if I can find some peace in the arms of the Mother. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 09 Aug 2004 12:03 PM |
It seem strange to me that in such troubled times I can begin to feel well again. It seems that my sense of purpose and joy is returning to me in each passing moment, and I find myself smiling and laughing for no specific reason. Where for so long I wished only to be alone, I now seek out those who I care about. I want to go and do things with them, simply to be with them.
I know it is in part that those I care about most deeply are returning, and I am thankful to the Lady that this has happened. I missed each of them more than I can say, and am overjoyed that they have returned, especially Sinjin. My mind swims with the giddy joy that I feel, and I have trouble schooling myself to sit and write at all in my eagerness to wander about in search of those I love.
Instead of despair that I once felt in the searching, it is replaced by the joyful knowing that they are there, and that perhaps they search for me too. I know all is not right in the world, that there are terrible things that are happening that must be dealt with. But I know one other thing as well - that whatever comes, we will deal with it together. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 09 Aug 2004 07:20 PM |
| Master Po teaches the joy is in the journey, not the end. Pleased to continue pretty writings for lowly monks to read. |
Humbly Submitted,
Sinjin Kane |
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 13 Aug 2004 10:43 AM |
I am taking a much needed break from shuffling through scraps of parchment. It seems I have so much information, but the more there is leads only to further questions. Perhaps I should leave the putting together of the pieces to someone who is more able to make the connections, but it seems that my head will not let it go. So, I compile what I have so that I may be more able to know which questions need to be answered when I meet with the mage.
I leave soon to find others and tell them of the meeting that I have arranged, in the hopes that they will be able to come as well...others that know far more than I do, I think, of what is happening here. Perhaps between all of us the questions will be answered. At least there will be comfort in being together in our search. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 23 Aug 2004 04:45 PM |
I am tired of living in fear. I see little that can be done to stop it, but I grow more weary with each passing hour. Wherever I go, I wonder who is there with me, who watches my step waiting for an opportunity to catch me unawares. My home, the Mother's garden, the hill by my tree...none of these places feel safe any longer. I feel the earth beneath my feet, and it is as Elvalia says. This is what sustains me, the connection I feel to the land, and that which it harbors. But what good does it do? Does my life put the lives of others in danger? Is standing by what I hold dear going to be the fall of those I have fought so hard beside?
Yet I do not see an alternative...I cannot imagine my death or my surrender would result in anything more desireable. The options run around in my head, but I do not even know if things are as I see them or if they are colored with fear and despair. I am held captive by my desire to act and my complete inability to choose a course of action that seems productive. And so yet again I wander alone, unwilling to share my company with others for fear of what might be following and afraid to be by myself. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 31 Aug 2004 04:36 PM |
I am in much better spirits of late, despite the fact that little seems to have changed. The world is still wrought with peril and tragedy, but it seems that that is a constant state of affairs. I am almost ashamed to say that the journey and talk I had with Elvalia did much to lift my spirits. Ashamed because as difficult as it is to know that she is pursued as well, it buoys me to know that together we can share our trials and face them in greater strength than we can alone. I realize that my isolation and loneliness is self-imposed, and I am resolved to reach out more to those that feel isolated and lonely themselves. It seems that we have more in common than it may seem on the outside. I will follow the advice that I so often try to apply to the situations of others that I feel compelled to mediate....act with understanding and kindness, and treat others gently as I would wish to be treated.
I have also undertaken to learn to do many types of crafting, which is really very interesting and serves to take my mind away from the things that before now I tended to sit and brood upon. I have learned to make many things, but seek that which I seem to show a natural talent for. It is good to occupy myself and to learn new things, opening my mind to the possibilities of what may be.
I have met many new people of late, some of which I have had the chance to speak with at length and some of which I have seen only breifly in the rush to complete some mission or another. It is good to continue my wanderings and make acquaintances, learning about people and their stories always seems to invigorate and delight me.
I also have begun seeking more stories and lore of Tarik, in order to learn if what little I know is accurate as well as to search for some clues as to how the control might be taken out of his hands. I grow weary of sitting in terror waiting for him to act next...it seems nonsensical to allow him to make the decision of how he will terrorize us next. I do not know if it will come to anything, or if I will be able to decipher any clues if they come, but I only know I must try. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 09 Sep 2004 10:56 AM |
It has been quite some time since I've written, I think for the most part because I fear to face my own thoughts. Since that day, I've tried not to look too closely at myself and my feelings. Perhaps it began long before that, though. I think it did.
I have voluntarily chosen to serve Tarik.
So many thoughts go through me, so many emotions at that statement that I can't fathom it. At the same time, I feel a coldness come over me as I contemplate it. In a way, I am relieved. I no longer struggle against the fear that I felt for so long. Others speak of finding a way out. I confess here that it is not a thought that enters my mind. I am done, I have made my choice. If I could find a way out that still accomplished my goal, then I would take it. I simply don't feel motivated to look for it.
I look back over the events of my life and I inevitably see how I myself have led me unerringly to this place. Perhaps he is right..perhaps this is what I was born to be. Whatever he means by it, I see that he is right in one thing - I am his child. I am a product of those who worship Tarik. I have cultivated a belief in myself that I am right, and therefore those who oppose me are wrong. I have resorted to violence to enforce my beliefs upon others. I have professed to following a deity that preaches balance in all things - and then proclaimed evil to be wrong and something that should be wiped out.
I know that Elbereth has abandoned me. I hear others tell me that they understand what I have done. They think that I sacrificed myself to save the others...and they are partially right. But mostly, I gave up. I can't hold to the convictions that I had clung to, because I no longer believe them.
The only thing that remains is this. I grew tired of living in fear, of wondering why Elbereth didn't protect me, of questioning why those I love constantly die or leave, of what is evil and what is good, and why. I found that whatever I come to believe, it doesn't matter.
Myself for them. It's not a hard choice. It's not a selfless choice. The truth is, there is nothing left of me. It's an empty bargain. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 09 Sep 2004 12:49 PM |
((*applauds*
-Barnas)) |
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 20 Sep 2004 04:31 PM |
There are so many things that I can think of to relate in this journal today, though none of them seem so important to put into words anymore. I feel peaceful, and more accepting of my choice than I ever thought I would. I truly feel as if I have come home, as if I have stopped struggling against a part of me that I realize now cannot be changed.
The last of my resistance to what I am now seems to have melted away, replaced by acceptance and, to a certain measure, happiness with my decision. I know now why he has chosen me, and the sense of inevitability, of helplessness, has changed in my heart to wonder. I still am not sure how it is possible, and yet he tells me that it is. I vowed once never to serve evil...and yet I have come to realize that these things are not so certain as I once thought. Good and evil...they exist only in the mind of the one that is judging them. I chose to serve for one reason, and find myself content in that decision for many other reasons.
I have been practicing my fighting skills lately, something that for so long I rejected as much as I could. I used them only as I deemed necessary, and it has made me weak. So I practice as much as I can, utilizing as much as I can the process of following behind my prey invisible to come upon them unexpected. It is a surprisingly effective technique, though I have had to learn to temper my enthusiasm for caution as I have fallen many times. I am more often than not alone in my travels, and I have no wish to be injured so much that I cannot rise on my own to seek healing.
The demons still threaten, and though I am aware that something is being done about them, I am not completely aware of what it is. I hope to be able to gain some more information, as I truly would not enjoy living in a world where demons roam any more freely than they do already. I go now to my rest, having explored quite a bit this day, and planning on traveling a bit more later. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 30 Sep 2004 05:07 PM |
I've been sitting her with my journal in hand for a while, and though I keep writing sentences they do not seem to mean anything and so I scratch them out. It seems that my feelings are at odds with each other, though overall I still feel more peaceful than I have previously. Perhaps it is due in part to the fact that I am doing something, I have the ability once more to act and to feel.
I have met many new people lately, and I have noticed something that strikes me as odd. I speak to them as I speak to the others in a courteous and friendly way. It seems that many of them display a strident caution of me that is difficult for me to understand. Indeed, one young human woman I met a couple of days ago in Buckshire, whom I helped to slay some creatures who were intent on harming her, became very upset with me and accused me of lying and patronizing her. Another young human man went for his sword when I approached him to offer him a shield to look at.
A part of me finds it very humorous...I am, after all, not an extraordinarily threatening person in my view, excepting perhaps those times when I make the attempt. Though according to Alarwen it isn't overly threatening even then. I have mixed feelings about the whole situation...a part of me finds it amusing that people would think I was someone to be afraid of. And then, I feel some ...well, some confusion. Perhaps it is simply the fact that it is known that I am now bound to follow Tarik, and people have fear surrounding their perceptions of who he is.
Many other happenings continue...Elvalia seems to have found a way to purify the tainted stone sites, and she also still travels with me on occassion, though a recent event with a young elf bent on tracking me to keep an eye on me makes me wonder if it is more aimed at seeing what I'm doing than a desire to be near me.
Cantor has told me that his shop will be opening soon in Port Royale, and asked me to sing, and I also have been thinking of performing again at the Palace. I have neglected those things far too long, and think that I will settle in to write a new song or two, and then post some notices regarding a performance. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 11 Oct 2004 09:46 PM |
Once again I sit with my book in hand, cozily ensconced on one of the couches in my home. And once again, I am not sure what to write. So much is inside of me, warring to get out, that it doesn't seem to make it to the page. Perhaps I do not want it to...
I learned that Ferein, along with declaring me an enemy, has sent elves armed with sword and bow to hunt for me. Indeed, before this knowledge came to me I was confronted by a young elf most zealous in his pursuit of me to, in his words, catch me in an evil action. I warned him several times, but he would not heed me. The action I was forced to take to remove the threat he presented unfortunately has earned me the enmity of Elvalia...among others. It seems at every turn I am confronted with people who are under the impression that I wish to kill them, or that speak and act in ways that are intended to provoke me into that action. I can't help but despair that the step I took to end the hunt was in vain, for in defending myself it seems that Ferein itself opened the hunt once more.
I met most recently a young elven woman named Elrith. I feel that I have much in common with her, and we have taken to traveling together more often than not. When we met I felt how much hurt she held inside of her. I wanted to comfort her, and yet I know that the pain she has felt so far, however great, is probably only the beginning. And the part of me that has felt alone for so long took her in to my heart. It has assuaged the great loneliness that has been consuming me for so long...and whatever we do we may do it together. we spoke of many things, among them Tarik and my service of him. She has also taken up his service, due in part to our traveling together and because she has so much of the Hunter within her.
I find myself more and more wanting to avoid others, yet at the same time inevitably drawn into contact with them. I am told I have changed, and a part of me sees that it is true...I miss the friendships that once I cultivated and held close to me. When I see those that were cherished and dear to me, I feel great pain to know that they are no longer my friends. I know that the course I have taken was the best option to me, and I know a certain peace in it. I am more certain now than ever of the way that this world works, and the pain that it entails, and I will gladly endure what my choice has put upon me. The pain I feel I fear is not from the path that I have chosen, but in knowing that those I once cared for with everything I had, those that I made this choice for, think ill of me and condemn me for who I am, and the choice that I made. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 12 Oct 2004 07:03 AM |
((I love reading these, thanks Trishy .
And don't forget, Macha has a "lovely" new friend in Charlie the Pixie!! If anyone will bring out any evil Tarik darkness in Macha it will be Charlie *grins*
- Sol )) |
- Solitaire, Wizard
- Ilyana Fiirhaart, High Priestess of Naruth |
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 12 Oct 2004 11:03 AM |
| ((ah, yes..duly noted...will include friend Charlie in the next entry! And thanks for enjoying them...I love writing them!)) |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 12 Oct 2004 11:04 AM |
((Macha is sweet. *nod*.
Elrith is sweet too. *nod*
-Barnas)) |
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 12 Oct 2004 02:59 PM |
((Good as always. I have to say, it looks like Macha has become Evar's new object of evil desire. You know I think he's more insane that even I realise.))
[Edited post to include double brackets for OOC post] |
Never argue with an idiot.
They drag you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.
Akril
Quinellieth. 20th Circle of the Order of the Ring |
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Re: Excerpts from Macha's journal
Posted: 14 Oct 2004 01:57 PM |
I write this to record something that I might refer to later when I am hoping it will make more sense to me. It seems that always my past will come back to haunt me, and the anger inside of me is bubbling to the surface so that I have to hold myself back from taking my spear through Midor then on to Maldovia, laying waste to as much as I can to quench the rage that flows through my heart. It is hard to believe that I still feel this much emotion...but there it is. And each time I try to lay it aside, something brings it to the surface. This time, it was something decidedly odd.
I will not speak of it in detail, for detail is the one thing that doesn't seem to be forthcoming from the experience. I do wonder if it is nothing, simply a coincidence that such words could prompt from within me the response that they did, the memory of a time not so long ago that sometimes seems decades and sometimes as fresh as the moment. I know that he shocked me, and gave me pause...and that is not acceptable. What he knows, and why...why he even shows such an interest, is concern enough. But then, to speak those words to me...
I met someone else that piques my curiosity. A man who, though being of average size, names himself a pixie. He seemed quite excitable, and made me smile as he asked enthusiastically for my friendship. I, of course, extended mine to him, though he does seem a bit odd and makes me wonder if perhaps there is more to him than his childlike demeanor would suggest. No matter...he is a pleasant diversion from the others who speak about me in Inns as if I were something to be analyzed and figured out, and not a person deserving as any of respect and kindness. |
Trishy
Macha Sparrowsong - Song is my life
Coretta Alandar - Cleric of Midoran
Dekla Debena - whatever
Not all people who wander are lost.
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